Don't Just Wax it...Vajazzle It!!

Do I live under a rock?
How come I've never heard of this?!

Move over Bedazzlers! Here come the Vajazzlers!!
Vajazzle? you ask.
Well...think Bedazzling on your va-jj.
Wax it.
Decorate it.

So I guess the idea is to wax it and then get these crystals put on. I really and truly hope they use some kind of adhesive and not this old school bedazzler gun! I think you run the chance of your crotch resembling a disco ball, but it could be classy and quite the surprise if someone were to venture down there....

Do you think we could bedazzle a set of balls too? Perhaps no straight guy would want that...but if they did, what would it be called? Balldazzling? Nutdazzling? Scrotedazzling? Talk about looking like a dico ball....

What will think of next? More importantly...where can I get this done?

Now that's an anal probe

Now I've heard it all.

I know orgasms can be explosive. Earth shattering even...
I think most people would agree there is a time and place for that kind of enjoyment.
Then I hear this story:

APRIL 19--A California Highway Patrol office was briefly evacuated earlier this month when investigators became concerned that an arrestee might have been carrying a concealed explosive device. When officers collared Steven Ferrini on a drug charge, a search of the 60-year-old suspect turned up "a suspicious wire, with an on/off switch" in his pants pocket. "The wire was found to extend from the pant pocket to the subject's anus," according to a CHP report. Though Ferrini claimed that the wire was connected to an anal vibrator, officers became suspicious when he subsequently "began to explain his knowledge of explosives and bomb making." So they called in El Dorado County's "explosive ordinance disposal" team and, at 5:45 AM, evacuated "all unnecessary personnel" from the CHP's South Lake Tahoe office. At about 9 AM, the bomb squad "rendered the device safe" and determined it was not dangerous. The report does not indicate why more than three hours passed before the vibrator was found not to be an explosive device. "The vibrator was subsequently removed and placed into property,"

I love that:
a) He's 60.
b) He had a wire rigged up to his anal vibrator.

Brilliant. Fucking brilliant. Well done there chap. You can't go out for a couple hours without sticking a vibrator up your ass? I pity the fool that had to pull that sucker out.
I guess corn for dinner is out tonight.

It's not what it sounds like...

I don't think people are going to understand. When Mason says "suck it" he's not being rude. He s actually referring to when I told him to suck his freeze not bite it. Apparently it's a fun thing to say. He's been saying it all day.
When the lady at the grocery store said hello to him, he said "suck it."
When daddy told him it was time for a nap, he said "suck it."
I think we need to forget this phrase and go back to be being precious and sweet, and not have people think we are hood rats teaching our kid this.
Oh Mason.

Mason is so sick.
I'm not going into any gory details but it's breaking my heart. I can't make him better. I can't take it away. I wish I could. I wish it would just go away.
Stupid bug. You've done your damage...now just go fuck off please.

Here's a picture of Mason. It's his smile that he gives when you say "smile!"...too cute. At least he doesn't squint up his eyes and throw his head back like most kids. At least not yet. This picture makes me laugh every time I look at it. Love it.

Feel better my sweet boy.

Mommy loves you :)

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Whatever happened to the good ol' days. You know, when kids got paper routes. They would either pull along a wagon filled with the papers, or have them stuffed in an over-sized shoulder bag? You might spot them trudging along under the weight from house to house, or speeding down the street on their bikes tossing them hap-hazzardly onto front porches.
A job, some fresh air and excersise.
I didn't really notice how much things had changed until I spotted our "paper boy" delivering one of the local papers (and the one with all the flyers in it - so the only one that makes it to our table!). This chubby fella was sitting shot gun in his dad's minivan tossing the papers on the ends of the driveways. Not to the door. Not even half way up. Daddio just slows right down and he tosses them out the window while slurping on his slushi. I can't even argue that his arm is getting a workout. I'm sure his dad has spent more on the gas it took to make the route then this kid will ever earn.
What happened to "get a job" and actually doing it yourself? Get out and actually walk the route to deliver the papers. Save the planet. Reduce the emissions for crying out loud!
Why am I so appalled at this?
I'm wondering if it's so out of the ordinary or just something unique to this neighbourhood?
Do me a favour. Watch for your paper "boy." Let me know what you see.
Restore my faith!