Pancakes are the devil

Did you eat your pancakes today? I sure did...and I never want to see another one again! Well, it was the ladies turn this year at work to make the breakfast for "Pancake Tuesday", and I found myself in the kitchen at an ungodly hour, at work, with a spatula in my hand and batter on my shirt. All things said and done, it went well...no one got food poisoning and we didn't burn the place down. We came closer to doing that cooking microwave popcorn one day, so to tell you the truth I was worried what would happen when we tried to make breakfast for 30 people! The fire extinguisher was kept at close hand just in case. Later in the morning I repeated the whole process again to make pancakes for the kids in the two grade 3 classes...I know I am a glutton for punishment! So...if I ever see another pancake again - shoot me! At lunch (eating left over pancakes if you must know...*sighs*) we got talking about lent and if people are giving things up. After hearing about giving up bread, junk food and booze (?!?!?!?!?!?!) I decided I should be a good Catholic and give something up too....you know set a good example for the kidlets. I've decided to give up the following: smoking, anal sex and working of Fridays (oh and Mondays too!). I figure it should be easy since for the most part I don't do any of the above, and I could EASILY make the sacrifice to not work Fridays and Mondays for the next 40 days! Hmmm, now I'm feeling more like a good person! Now, in honour of Pancake Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday, Fat Tuesday or even Mardi Gras (whatever you want to call it: it's an excuse to indulge in food, but more importantly a drink or two!) I'm going to have another drink and head off too bed! Cheers!

A Saturday Night Aboard the Honey Wagon

So in an attempt to lead a more exciting life, I came home early on a Saturday night and planted myself on the couch. Jealous? I started watching UFC. Yes, I know it's a 'man' show, but I like it so leave me alone. Have you ever seen them go at each other? Some positions they get into are quite provocative. They could change the name of the show to Brokeback fighting (I had to make atleast 1 brokeback joke somewhere!). Very sexual at times if you can get past the bit of blood and hard hits, unless you're into that of course. I then flipped over to "Dirty Jobs." Have you seen this show?! Gross me out...I love it! There is nothing like sitting on your couch on a Saturday night, a la cold drink, watching some poor guy shovel shit. Tonight they visited the wonderful world of 'noodling' catfish, operating a 'honey wagon' and a worm crap ranch. Who the hell needs to "noodle" a catfish...and people eat them? Dude definitely needed to put a shirt on though, thousands (millions?) of people are going to see that. That image was worse than the noodling of catfish itself (which for those who don't know, ie: you had better plans for a Saturday, noodling is basically getting in the water and waiting for these large catfish to bite your hand then you whip them out). Worm crap ranching was okay, nothing too bad except they got into a poo fight. The thing that upset me most was the Honey Wagon. It isn't honey they are carting around in case you're wondering! They are cleaning out septic tanks and grease traps. I had the unfortunate job one day at the cafe I worked at, to wait with the guys who clean the grease traps out. The smell was worse then anything I had ever smelled (remember I work with kids...), and that damn part of the show brought back horrible memories of the smell. I'm still gagging, but I pride myself on having a stomach of steel, and managed to survive the thought. When you're job entails you to use a tool called the "turd herder" you have to wonder. However, I'm thinking it would make a wonderful gift for that special someone in your life. Who's birthday is coming up?

Number 50 !?

Everyone has to start somewhere. It's baby steps, but 50 seems to be a good place to stop and take a moment to celebrate. It doesn't seem like I have written that many posts, but apparently I have. I've been able to unload my thoughts, deranged ramblings and even bitching sessions on poor people passing by. I've even managed to convince a few people to come back again and again, and convinced others further that I am sane and worthy of befriending. Cheers to the new friends (I'll drink to that!). Maybe one day I will get to stop and celebrate something significant like 500 or 1000. Until then, I will take this small step and roll with it. No, there won't be any huge bash (I'll save that for 500!) with strippers and party favors, but I can offer up some beer! Anyone is welcome to come over and celebrate, you bring yourself and I'll supply the beer!
Here's to hoping I can muster up something somewhat humorous or entertaining once and awhile, with a side of serious thoughts (just so you know I can be normal in my thoughts). So in the famous words of SpongeBob SquarePants: "Now that everyone is here, I officially declare the party switch to be in the oooon position!" Cheers!

HNT 2 I Got Cold Feet that Day!

It doesn't quite feel the same as sand between your toes. Although it was a lot easier to clean up!

I think I just wanted an excuse to go without socks and show off my new polish ;) A girl has to take care of her feet you know, no rough spots or nasty-ass polish...even in the winter!

Happy HNT!

What's Monistat?

One slip of the tongue and the lesson went from science to feminine hygiene (?). My student teacher was asking students to make some predictions as to what magnets would be attracted to. One boy points to the thermostat and says, "the box thing with with the temperature." Student teacher says, "the Monistat?...ohh I mean thermostat?" Slip of the tongue (to which I turned my head to laugh at of course). No problem...these are 8 year olds right? Wrong.
The first kid pipes up: "My mom has Monistat in the bathroom, but she says it's only for girls." Then another kid adds, "What's Monistat?"
Kid #1: "I think its cream, but I don't know why I can't use it"
Kid #2: "Miss what is Monistat then?" The class readily agrees, they want to know. She looks over at me. Don't look at me, you said it. Perfect learning opportunity! Sucka! It was very entertaining to say the least. For the record, she did a superb job avoiding the question...lol.

Reminds me of when I was in teacher's college and teaching a grade 6 gym class . We were doing soccer drills. I blew the whistle and some boys were still bouncing their soccer balls around. I said, "Boys! hold onto your balls!" They immediately dropped their balls and grabbed their penises and snickered... From then on I always specify what kind of balls. Boys!

Wow..I Thought My Roommates Were Weird!

I had my share of roommates while going through university, mostly good, but a few odd ones too! To sum it up, there was one chick who use to defrost meat by placing it on a heat register and cranking the heat. It would sit on the vent for days! Then she would put paper towel in the oven. She never got sick and never burned the house down, although there were a few close calls! Another roommate would have wild sex with her boyfriend, then immediately after, throw him out into the hallway and yell at him. He would stand there in his nuddy pants pleading with her. Hey Rico (yes that was really his name!) put some pants on dear, there are 3 other ladies (ha ha) roaming around! Poor guy, she WAS insane! and yet another one, who through no fault of her own, had the meanest and most inconsiderate boyfriend ever...forced the "quiet girl" to tear a strip off him one night (you go K!). Mostly, I lived with my best girls and we had a great time! Lots of practical jokes and odd stories that seem really funny to us, but maybe not to others. We had our share of problems, but these are the friends you keep for life. Yes, even the one who was a slob and kept a little toy hidden away that she doesn't know we know about...lol (It was Jules I swear!). A Florida man has recently been charged with fatally beating his roommate with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer because they had no toilet paper left. Wow. Anger issues! So, on this note, I'd like to take the opportunity to send my love to my girls and thank them for never bludgeoning me (or anyone else) to death over toilet paper!
Here's a quick flash back to those days...god we look young..and still do damn it!

yes, I had to cut someone's cleave outta this pic!

Side note: why is it that I can't find an old pic of my partner in crime, where she isn't doing something inappropriate?! So a recent pic it has to be!

Drivers...

It occurred to me on my way into work today...I think some people really think I (we) can't see them when they are in their cars. Or maybe they don't care... either way, maybe they should think about some of the things they are doing while attempting to drive. Either they look like total morons, or they will surely kill someone. You know the types:

- the classic nose picker. You know right up to his knuckle. I really wanted to get out at the light and offer him a Kleenex, but maybe he wanted his privacy to enjoy the delicacy he just harvested.

- the "I can apply mascara/lipstick while I drive. No problem!" chick. Umm no you can't. First, you are making the most ridiculous faces. Close your mouth you are attracting flies, and two, you nearly hit me while trying to tart yourself up. Here's an idea, do it before you leave.

- the car pool mommy reaching around to smack her kids while clearly yelling her face off. Not an attractive look, and what makes it worse, you are yelling at a 3 year old like that?! and trying to smack him? Pull over your car, I have a smack for you.

- the watch while I drive my car with my knees, eat my breakfast and drink my coffee person. You clever monkey you. Join a circus. Atleast you won't kill anyone while driving. By the way you have some jam on your face you shemp.

- the ghost driver. Oh wait no...there you are! You are rummaging through your glovebox. Keep your eyes on the road...unless you are looking for a Kleenex, then that's okay, just be quick before you land in a ditch.

- the farter. How do I know this? Simple. Usually a guy driving and his significant other has her shirt pulled over her nose, or she is hanging out the window gagging, while he sits there with a smug look on his face. Ok...this is funny. Someone else's pain is my pleasure.

- the reader. Do you really need to read the paper right now? Wait till you get to the office, or to the bathroom if that's your thing. Headline today: "80% of Drivers too Preoccupied"

All this coming from the girl who was busted by a car of teenaged boys today for singing loudly and "dancing" in her car when Disturbed: Down with the Sickness came on...opps I thought no one could see me.

A Picture, A Small Heart, and Years of Life Lived

Isn't it funny how an object or a certain smell can bring back a flood of memories? I pulled out one of the (many) boxes I have yet to unpack since moving back in November. I had put it aside since it didn't contain anything that I really needed to survive. A box that should have taken me about 20 min to sort through ended up taking me over an hour. It was similar to when you flip through a photo album you haven't looked at in awhile. You look at each picture and have a laugh, or shed a tear. These were all objects that hold some meaning or significance to me. Each time I pulled out something I remembered precisely why I kept it and re-lived some happy and even some sad moments in my life. Its funny that with some things I pulled out, it put me back right into that time period. I swear I was back on the Cote d'Azur smelling fresh bread, the Mediterranean Sea, and even a pot of Tisane tea...but really I was sitting alone on a cold concrete floor in my basement. For a moment you get to relive these precious memories. Some might look at certain things I've kept as junk, but they will never know what that small cardboard heart valentine my dad gave to me really means. These tokens of times past shouldn't be in a box in the basement, yet they aren't really for display either. When you are always on the go and keeping busy, you forget the things that brought you to this point in your life, or the experiences and memories that make you who you are. It's nice to take a minute and ground yourself again.

The Virgin Has Landed

My first Half-Nekkid Thursday...some may consider me a virgin... ;)
I'm clearly missing the sun. If you're not blinded by my pasty-whiteness (is whiteness even a word?) and your still with me...Happy HNT! Someone get this gal a tan!

You've Got to Be Kidding Me...

I stop this morning to grab a tea on my way to work...cuz plugging in the kettle was just way too much work today. I went in the store (hey people: HINT: when the drive thru line is THAT long, why not get off you ass and outta your car, it's a lot quicker!) and noticed some guy staring at me. Obviously staring. Whatever. Maybe my hair was funny, was my bum eating my pants? Ok, second thought, he must have special needs if he is directly staring at me like that....he was alone and had a goofy grin on his face. Oh gawd, was I having a wardrobe malfunction and my breast was hanging out?! I went to order and leave. As I was leaving I hear footsteps behind me. "Excuse me miss?" Please don't tell me....yup! Peachy. "hi..." Insert some rather uncomfortable small talk as I walk towards my car...I was still trying to decide if he did indeed have special needs (which sadly would speak nothing to any sex appeal/allure I may posses). I didn't want to be rude, but I didn't want to be late for work either. Finally, he says, "you have really pretty eyes" Where is this going? "thank you."
"Do you have any Italian in you?" Whaaaat?
"No" Then it hits...
"Do you want some? I could really use a lay" He just stares at me...doesn't laugh, just stares.
Do I throw the tea at him and tell him dream on? No, cuz then I am out my tea...
For once, I am speechless (a hard thing to do: trust me). Still confused: special needs or moron? or both?
What do I do that this shit happens to me? Do I have a sign on my back I need to know about? Please someone clue me in!
Till then, I'll see you in the drive thru.

Oh Homey!

So I guess the nice thing would be to say Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. It's funny to see how people rush around to find the perfect gift, or the perfect way to say they love someone or cherish a person's friendship. Kids in my class were bringing gifts for the opposite sex...you are like 9 - cool the hormones! It's cute though. Personally, if you're my friend or someone special to me I try to make sure you know it everyday (okay everyone now: awwww)...so I don't need a special day to declare it, but the chocolate sure is nice :) On a fun side note though, I crashed the intermediate dance today and had an old school flashback to highschool. Their teacher had taught them the "bus stop"...so I had to join in! Much better then BINGO with my class. Enjoy the day and much love to all my friends...muah!

The Gummi Olympics

Welcome to my world. Besides being utterly lazy this weekend, I have tuned in to the Olympics a bit. Wanted to see how Canada was doing...and happened to watch both events that we won medals in. Also saw the 2 women's hockey matches were we won (slightly) against Italy: 16-0 and Russia: 12-0. However, that's where normalcy ends for today. I fell asleep last night after watching some highlights of the Olympics. I had the strangest dream. I dreamt of that the Gummi Bears (yes the tv show/candy) were a team in the Olympics. They were kicking ass in the events too because they were so small and bouncy. They had little gummy snowpants on and those furry tuques the Canadians have (little gummie biters)...they had trouble with the bobsled because they couldn't grip the ground. Geesh. The worst of it is, I have the damn theme song stuck in my head because it was playing in my dream when they won a medal....

Dashing and daring,

courageous and caring,

Faithful and friendly,

With stories to share,

All through the forest,

As their song fills the air,

Marching along,

As they sing out their song,

Gummi bears!!!

Bouncing here and there and everywhere!

High adventure that is beyond compare,

They are the Gummi Bears!

Get out of my head you little Gummi bastards! Thats the last time I eat a gummi before going to bed!

Crashed into Reality

It's cold again, and there really is no good excuse to spend any prolonged time outside...so I rented Crash. I've tried to rent it for 2 weeks now (grrr) and finally got it. Hmmm where to start? I feel like shit. Am I suppose to? The movie made me open my eyes and even question some of my own prejudices. Without giving away to much (if anything at all), the characters are all a victim of some hate crime, but at the same time are involved in some crime of their own. While watching I kept thinking that none of them truly understand what is making them so mad, or why another is doing something so dangerous. I was also thinking what have I done that is similar? Anger/hate makes us blind. If you take away that anger and hate, we all have the same heart, and isn't that what is important? (Is that too sappy?) What a crazy world we live in...and it makes me sad. I think that's what upset me the most, is that we all have these prejudices whether we realize it or not. While watching I kept hearing the voice of a former student. She once said to me "do you ever notice that its the kids who have different coloured parents that turn out the most beautiful? Maybe God is trying to tell us something. Maybe he wants us to see that we shouldn't hate everyone, but if we love each other and don't care what people look like, the world will get better." This is slightly out of context, but she's so smart for being so young. She liked everyone despite race or religion...If only all people were wise. Where to continue? The movie was fabulous. Any movie that can get someone to think about themselves and perhaps change, is worth a watch. However, I am still feeling a bit jarred, so I think I need a joke to cheer me up (and no it's not a racial joke):
A pirate walks into the doctors office and says, "Doc, I feel lousy!" The Dr. says, "my god there is a steering wheel stuck to your crotch!" The pirate responds, "Arrrr I know, and it's driving me nuts!"
I can hear all the groans and that makes my smile. I am known for stupid jokes...sorry!

My new friend...

It's apparently a chicken drumstick...don't ask. What kid draws chicken for fun? This one apparently. I personally like the belly button he has given it. On second look it kinda looks like a penis...

Hmmpf!

I've been staring at this screen for awhile now and have come to this conclusion: I have nothing nice or even bitchy to say, no thought provoking insite into life either (not that that happens often). Nothing has happened to me lately that is remotely interesting....so I am not only wasting my time, I am now wasting yours! I have a headache and my back hurts (I know...whaaaaa, cry me a river). Me and my bottle of Advil are going to bed.

Love it or Hate it...It's Here!

It seems everyone is talking about the burst of winter we finally got, so why not me?! Ok, we had a snow storm just before Christmas, and if I remember correctly one in early November, but other than that it's been fairly green around here. So much for the 'Great White North'. It's been so mild...almost eerie really. We held our breath, not daring to think it would last, Mother Nature would surely screw us over somehow, as long as it's not June! We finally got some more snow, much to the delight of skiers and snowboarders (of which I am neither, but it is pretty until it turns to a slushy sloppy mess!). Lot's of snow! However, it appears that where I live is where it was hardest hit. Just 30 min south and it's a light dusting (5cm) and a bit south more and the grass is still green. How is it that I am up to my neck in snow?! We easily have over 35cm. I'm thinking it will be June before it ever melts! Oh well, I like the snow in a weird way. I'm not a winter sports person, but I do think it is pretty. Somehow I like the early morning walk with puppy when its quiet, snowy, and offers a moment for quiet thought.

Vroom Vroom Baby

So I headed out to Speedorama in Toronto yesterday...fun fun fun! It was mostly muscle cars, which I quite enjoy, overall not to many cars, especially newer and high end modified cars (shitty). What was there, I found quickly. Enough to make any guy excited (and a few of us gals too!) Found a few cars that I think I could manage having *sighs*....Although I lost my balls again this car show (not that I had any to begin with but u get the point). Some guys at car shows have really nice cars, but they choose to put this little sign in the window that always catches my eye, and makes me laugh. The sign usually says something to the effect of "Unless you are nude, stay out of the car" I love these signs. Mainly I love them because they are usually found in the cars of a middle aged, beer-bellied, balding man who is missing a few teeth, and looks like its about that time of the month for a bath. Yeah..dream on baby. However, I have this insane urge in me. You guessed it. I sooo want to play stupid, strip down to nothing and climb in...just cuz that's what the sign says. I think it would be hilarious, however I chickened out again...it was a family show. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
Can't wait till the next show! Who's in?

From Top: Mmmm VW Jetta with a widebody kit, supercharged...yummy.

A Cobalt with some serious modifications...Lamboughini doors..I think more was spent on the car, then what its worth..but still very nice.

Firebird (or a Thunder Chicken as we refer to them as :) hey MS?) very sexy, but lets loose the old man in the pic k? There was probably a sign on this car if u know what I'm saying.

BMW...didn't stop to get a close look at this one, I just liked it...lol Ok I can be a typical girl there!

I'm Doing it All Wrong!

I went to rent a movie, something that is perhaps nominated for an Oscar...sold out. So obviously I needed something comparable...So I watched Transporter 2 (a real intellectual film!) and several things occurred to me:
1. When I go out for a little gangsta gun play, I don't dress right. Obviously it would be a lot easier in my panties and bra. What was I thinking?! My aim will surely improve now.
2. I think this also applies to just everyday outings..like perhaps a stroll in the street? Hmmm leave something to the imagination!
This movie was good (what can I say? I like these movies too!), but definitely holds more appeal to the men who watch it.

Up Yours! Here's one for all Teachers....

Sometimes I get sick of people's perceptions of what it is like to be a teacher...blah blah blah. Al l you think it is about is the pay (ha!) and the summers off...it's much more then that. Here's something a (teacher) friend gave me...and I have to say I enjoy it. :)
I've tried to shorten it best I can:
Dinner guest are sitting around the table talking about life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?" He said it was true what they say about teachers: Those who can do: do. Those who can't: teach. To collaborate his statements he said to another dinner guest, "You're a teacher Ella What do you make?" Ella had a reputation of honest and frankness (go Ella!) and replied: "You want to know what I make?"
I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I can make a C+ feel like a medal of honour and an A- feel like a slap in the face if the student did not do his or her very best.
I can make kids through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.
I can make parents tremble with fear when I call home" You want to know what I make?!"
"I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them spell 'definitely' and 'beautiful' over and over until they will never misspell either word again.
I make them show all their work in math and hide it all in their final drafts in English.
I make them experience music and art and the joy of performance, so their lives are rich, full of kindness and culture, and they take pride in themselves and their accomplishments.
I make them understand that if you have the brains, then follow your heart, and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you pay them no attention."
You want to know what I make? I make a difference.
Now, what do you make?
Boo-Ya!

On a More Serious Note....

Why are so many people sick? Too many people close to me are battling wars with cancer, and the sad thing is they are so young. What made them get sick and not me? Why do they deserve this, or do they deserve this? I guess no one really deserves it, but we are faced with it so often!What a hard fight to battle. The strength I see in these people, to carry on with their lives, take care of their families, and give selflessly to others is really inspiring. I can only wish they beat their illnesses, because of all people I know, these are people who deserve to live. I can't even imagine what it would be like, yet they face it everyday. I wonder if this increase in diseases such as cancer has to do with the foods we eat, the environment we live in....I'm sure it does. We are surrounded by carcinogens. I guess we are slowly killing ourselves. That's a lovely thought to start the weekend isn't it? I wish them all the best though..always in my thoughts.

Crass but Sooo Funny!

I have seen two bumper stickers lately that really made me laugh. I think it was the shock that they were actually on cars that made it so funny. The first is on a 'friends' car...it says "My other ride is your mom" and the second was just randomly seen. It said, "Your little princess is my dirty little whore" Maybe as a girl I shouldn't really find that funny, but I do..so sue me. I'm sure it offends someone somewhere. The things people do.

Groundhogs Never Looked so Good!

Today is Groundhog Day...yipee..not. There are very few books to read to children about Groundhog Day, but a few favourites stand out. This is my favourite one to read...although it's title and author have slipped me. Needless to say it was a popular choice among staff members due to the illustrations. Notice the groundhog's burrow...phallic symbol or not? Maybe we are just pigs, but the story was way more interesting after we discovered his home. Maybe he was re-decorated by the lads from Queer Eye?

33 Days!

Did I mention that I am going to the Nine in Nails concert in 33 days?!?! Ok..well I am, and I can't wait...lol that's all folks...got that out of my system.

Sad Reality?

I took an informal poll in my class after having a conversation with another teacher. I asked how many students ate dinner as a family and talked (as opposed to in front of the tv). Shocking! Out of 19 (8 and 9 year olds), 3 said they regularly eat as a family. (side note: I could add that these 3 students are strong students and well rounded...a correlation? Probably, but who can say for sure?). I asked what the others did...they took their plates to their rooms to watch tv or play on the computer, others ate alone in front of the tv as other members of their families scattered around the house, and even still, some kids said they had to get their own dinner that their parents left out for them whenever they were hungry! What is wrong with this picture?! What happened to sitting down with your kids and asking them how school was, or just plain talking?! It's no wonder a lot of these kids have communication and attention problems (among an increase in other learning problems)! What are they learning by sitting alone in front of the tv or computer? They don't even get the chance to bond or connect with their parents, which is a shame because many don't see their parents a lot because they work so much. Maybe I am too traditional in this sense, but I think that a family should atleast eat together and talk for 1 meal a day, especially when the kids are so young! I wonder if this is as common other places...I hope to hell not!