Freeeeedom!!!

Bust out the vino. Fire up the grill. School is out for the summer! I've spent the better part of the last week tired and dirty from the cleaning of my classroom and the year end activities with the kids. I want to make sure I send them off with some great memories of grade 3. Now I am ready to catch up on some sleep and spend my days in search of trouble. I no longer have to constantly watch my p's and q's. I'm off tonight to say farewell to a few co-workers at our year end staff social. I expect it to be a late night and a rough morning. A few co-workers joked at how after each summer I come back with something interesting to tell or something done to myself whether it be an injury or in the case of last summer, my new nose piercing. I wonder what it will be this year. I can only imagine that at some point this summer I will end up in the emergency ward (especially with any length of time spend with Hella). Although maybe, just maybe, I will get up the gumption to get that tat. Relax Hella, I'm not saying for sure, but I am getting closer to that chair! I guess time will tell. Here's to a great summer for everyone though!

And of course my Haiku for Friday!

Schools out for summer

Can't wait to spend days lazing

I'm just like a kid

Hot and sunny days

Sweaty boobs and frizzy hair

Ice cream by the pool

Heading to the beach

Frolicking in the water

Sandy toes and cooch

so now you know

I am pooped. Tired. Sweaty. Probably smelly too, I don't know. One more day until some freedom and some sleeping in!! I think my brain is actually fried from the sun today too, so I am taking the easy way out and doing one of these surveys from that girl. It actually had some interesting questions so I thought why not?! Enjoy!

1. How old do you wish you were? I like my 20's. Anywhere in this range is fine.
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened? University. Basement apartment waiting with my roomate for a mattress delivery to arrive. Her mom had called. We were lying in my bed (get your minds out of the gutter!).
3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? I can't remember the last time I used a vending machine...
4. Do you consider yourself kind? Yes, but I think I am a bit of a bitch too, but I will bend over backwards for you if you're my friend :)
5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? I'm thinking a Celtic cross with some knot work on my lower back.
6. If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be? ANYTHING! I aime the languages!
7. Do you know your neighbors? Yup, getting to know them better!
8. What do you consider a vacation? Anything away from home. Even better if there is a beach or some fun activities associated with it. I'm easy. To please.
9. Do you follow your horoscope? Nope not really, but those fortunes in Chinese cookies? Those are true!!
10. Would you move for the person you loved? Yes I think I would.
11. Are you touchy feely? I can be. Is punching the living shit out of someone considered touchy feely? Kidding! I love a good cuddle.
12. Do you believe that opposites attract? Yes! but with any relationship I guess you have to really work at it to make it work.
13. Dream job? Teacher and Mother
14. Favorite channels? TLC, Comedy and whatever channel is playing CSI
15. Favorite place to go on a weekend? Anywhere out, or have people over.
16. Showers or Bath? Showers...steamy ones!
17. Do you paint your nails? Toes more often. They always have to look good! Fingers not as often, but they are maintained none the less.
18. Do you trust people easily? I'm not really sure about this one.
19. What are your phobias? Letting people down, bees, aliens, being alone.
20. Do you want kids? Definitely!! Some of my own, foster kids, adopted...you name it!
21. Do you keep a handwritten journal? yes, more recently I have.
22. Where would you rather be right now? In the shower. I really should have thought this through. Shower then blog.
23. What makes you feel warm and safe? A hug from strong arms, a warm blanket while curled up.
24. Heavy or light sleep? light
25. Are you paranoid? I don't think so. Am I?
26. Are you impatient? No, I think I have lots of patience most days.
27. Who can you relate to? my friends and maybe at moments Lorena Bobbitt... kidding.
28. How do you feel about interracial couples? Why not?! Besides, if you see children from interracial relationships, they are the most beautiful. We can always learn from someone else.
29. Have you been burned by love? Yeah. Hurts and stinks...or is that me?
30. What's your life motto? Hmmm, tough one. Tomorrow is a new day!
31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Some song by some guy. Ask Hella she's the carny. I like the beat.
32. What were you doing at midnight last night? Helping to change a power steering pump. Yes folks, I am handy under the hood of a car.
33. Who was your last text message from? Marto
34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine. On the side away from the door thank you.
35. What color shirt are you wearing? Pink
36. Most recent movie you watched? Shrek 2 with my students.
37. Name five things you have on you at all times? My cell, my ID, my keys, gum and spare change. Ya never know!
38. What color are your bed sheets? Sage green.
39. How much cash do you have on you right now? $86.32 I counted. I cleaned out a purse and found money. I usually don't carry so much!
40. What is your favorite part of a chicken? Their nuggets.
41. What's your favorite town/city? I'll get sentimental and say Le Beausset France.
42. I cant wait till......tomorrow at 3:30 (hello summer!) and until I'm a mom.
43. Who got you to join MySpace? What's that? kidding.
44. What did you have for dinner last night? Perogies with veggies and sausage (Mr. Sass is German and I try to please him with my culinary talents a la stereotypical German food)
45. How tall are you barefoot? 5Â’ 4.5" That .5 is important. I try to get away with saying 5'5"
46. Have you ever smoked crack? Nope, but been accused of being on it.
47. Do you own a gun? Just a water gun. Never the real thing, although I might take up drive bys for the summer. It's getting to be pretty popular in TO.
48. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tea with milk and a bit-o-sugar.
49. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? I don't know! Ask a man. Some might say my 'openness' (not in a whorish way!) or maybe that I'm "one of the guys" but that can backfire too. Beats me. I don't have a secret weapon that I know of...it must be so secret that I don't even know.
50. Do you have A.D.D.? No..but the more I am forced to sit and listen to people talk I wonder. I am the first to be distracted and get others to laugh with my antics. Maybe I need to be looked at.
51. What time did you wake up today? 6:00
52. Current worry? I have a few...
53. Current hate? Sleepless nights.
54. Favorite place to be? On a horse, in my bed (hehe) and with friends laughing.
55. Where would you like to travel? EVERYWHERE!!
56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? Location? Probably here in the GTA, but you never know!!
57. Last thing you ate? Strawberries and blueberries mmmmm
58. What songs do you sing in the shower? If I sang in the shower the windows would break and then the neighbours would see my ta-tas. No singing in the shower for me.
59. Last person that made you laugh? One of my students, but I haven't spoken to another adult since then...sad I know.
60. Worst injury you've ever had? Broken leg.
61. Does someone have a crush on you? No, not that I would know. Although I was asked to get married by a student. I even got a ring. Boooyah!
62. What is your favorite candy? I don't know. I like chocolate, but does that classify as candy?

PHEW! On to my shower. I'm sure I'll have something more interesting to write about tomorrow!

Canada is spelled with 3 'ehs'

The English language is a great language. I hear it's fairly hard to learn, but I couldn't say for sure. I love languages and could sit and listen to anyone speak another language for hours, trying to pick something up. If I had my way, I would be learning as many new languages as possible. Complete immersion would be best! So if I win the lottery, look for me to be traveling all over the place, soaking in some culture and language...and probably food too.

Even within the English language there is differences depending on where you live. Words that are used in the UK are different then in North America, and even differences between the USA and Canada. Sometimes I wonder if we are speaking the same language!

There are some clear words that are "Canadian" such as:

- eh: It can be used as so much that it can't really be summed up! (soooo guilty of over using this!)
- hoser: insult, hoser = you tool!
- touque: a winter hat (pronounced too-k)
- chesterfield: couch, but really only old people say this.
- serviette: Hella tells me that this is 'Canadian'. It's a napkin.
- poutine: fries with gravy and cheese. Our french friends love this with their cigarettes (that's not a stereotype at all..lol). I'm sure it's not really truly Canadian..but had to add it in!
- "dick all": nothing. Apparently this is not said in the USA?
- mickey: a 9 oz bottle of liquor. Ditto as above?

You ever notice that we put the letter 'u' in a lot of words too? Humour, neighbourhood, favourite....I say we over work ourselves printing that extra letter! This makes going through 'spellcheck' a pain in the arse.

The best is, as Canadians we love our Tim Hortons ("Timmys"). Not such a shock if you've read my blog before. However, the phrase "double double" has made it into the Canadian Oxford Dictionary. It refers to how you order a coffee: 2 cream, 2 sugar = a double double, if you're really not sure what the heck I'm on about. No kidding eh?!

So, for the love of the English language I have a little question for you!

What do you think is the dirtiest word in the English language?
Funniest word?

My votes are in the comments..you know I can't go without my 2 cents!
Mr. Sass' two cents seem to be the words "mud" and "filthy". Thank you.

I know it's a phallic symbol...

Well the CN Tower is 30 years old tomorrow. Yippee skippee!
I guess it's one symbol that really defines the Toronto skyline. You can see if from miles away on a clear day. Some argue that it is just a huge phallic symbol, especially with the Skydome beside it (*ahem* sorry...the Rogers Centre..whatever!) giving it 'nuts' so to speak. However that is kind of lost now that they have put oodles and oodles of highrises around the downtown core.
What I find funny (maybe sad?) is that here is this landmark, this tourist attraction, and I have never been. Yup, I have lived here all my life and never once been up the tower! I think maybe I'll reserve it for anyone who wants to come visit Toronto. I'll go with you up the tower and we can experience the glass floor together. I'll bring some depends because I'm not always so cool with heights. I guess when you live close to something like this you take it for granted? I know if I was moving away tomorrow, it would be on my list of things to do before I left. That way I could say, been there, done that, lived to tell about it.


Hey: phallic or fallic? beats me.
Pardon the pun?

Do you want some snot with your fries?

I worked as a waitress for a few years while I was in university. I actually really enjoyed it. The money was great (for student work!) and I like talking to different people. During those years, I did come into contact with people who were the epitome of rude and ungrateful. There were also days that I really didn't want to be there, but unless you were one of those rude customers, you would never know it. As a waitress, I didn't even make minimum wage, but it was because whatever tips I made, I kept 100%. The better you are, the more tables you can have, so some nights I was laughin!

I hated working Sunday lunch shifts, because the church groups would come in. I'm sorry but the church goers have a bad rep of being cheap and demanding. They ask non-stop for things and complain about everything. Very Christian like if you ask me. The kick in the groin is they hardly ever tip, and when they do it tends to be 5% or less. At best I would sometimes get a card with some gospel value written on it and some reference to Jesus being a servant of God. Umm..you just made me your friggen servant and I'm not seeing any thanks or worshiping of me! (Is that blasphemous?) Giving a generous tip is the custom in our society. It's a way of thanking your server for good service, if in fact you got good service! It just seemed like a slap in the face after busting my ass to make their meal enjoyable. After a year of this, I had enough seniority to ask them to leave me off that shift. I could make more pan-handling downtown or fishing in the pond for loose change.

I can appreciate the work servers do because I have done that job. When I go out, I am sympathetic when problems arise. I don't like to be demanding, but I do expect you to be pleasant. Mr. Sass and I tip very well when things are good (although sometimes I think he may tip a little too well when the waitress is cute!). I have also learned that when you do encounter a really grouchy server, it's probably best not to be rude until after you receive your food. I remember joking about how people should know better not to be mean to me until they have their food. If I was that kind of person, it would be all to easy to drop their food on the floor, or spit in their soup, or worse.... For that reason, I smile and nod and be overly nice when we encounter a shithead server, because I know there are some people who would mess with food if upset enough. I'm just sayin. You can never be sure.

So there is my two cents on servers for today. However, I can't resist leaving you with a joke:

What's the difference between Christians and canoes? Canoes tip.

Horse'n around in TO

I'm high as a kite

join me for pain killer soup

no sweat, it's legal

**********

day off on Friday

have so much to do and see

floating through T.O

**********

For a Friday, it wasn't such a bad day really. I didn't go to work because of some appointments and errands we had to do. It was an early start and unfortunately I didn't make it to bed last night until past 2, then was up at five because mother nature has a sick sense of humour.

One thing that kills me is when people play on words or a situation for a laugh. I know I've mentioned it before, but something came up last night that (to me) was bloody histarical, yet to some it wouldn't be that funny. Don't blame me if you don't find it funny..but it made me laugh and that's what matters here. :P

A call came to the police about some escaped horses in the roads. Officer McCracken (I wonder if his name is Phil?!) responds to take the call. He ends the call with his "I'm on my way" code, and then adds "giddy up and yehaw!". Slightly amusing, but it gets better for me. He arrives and upon searching can't find these horses:

Cop: If these are racehorses I think we should expand our search area...*laughs*
Dispatch: blah blah blah..last report of the horses being in the area of...keep looking. Sending back up.
Cop: Don't worry my eyes are glued.

She didn't get the last comment, which killed me even more. It's just not very often you find a cop with a sense of humour at work. They are usually sour and in no mood for shenanigans. Hmmm, reminds me of when Mr. Sass' t-shirt didn't go over so well: Bad Cop, No Donut.

Enjoy the weekend.

Cottage life at it's best

I think I'm done with the penis talk for now. I can't make any promises, but for now, no penis talk from me.

Today I was talking about cottages with my friend at work. It immediately brought some memories of cottage life to my mind. One story in particular makes me laugh everytime, and for once, it doesn't have me doing something asinine.

I was heading up to my cousin's cottage for the weekend with Hella and her (now) ex husband. She was about 4 months pregnant at the time and unsure of the whole cottage thing (she is now a seasoned cottager with one of her own, but back then a bit of a city slicker! hehe sorry hella!). Mr. Sass was meeting us the next day so it was up to me to get the three of us there safely. By the time we finished the 3.5 hour drive north it was dark. The cottage is set deep in the trees right on the lake with no near neighbours. At that time, there was no road right up to the cottage, so you had to park somewhere and hike in with your crap.

We arrive and grab a few bags. The path is not a well beaten path, and I don't know if they knew it, but I was kind of guessing where the opening of the path was that would lead us to the cottage, and then guessing on which way it was. It was damn dark and I was tired. I found it and we headed in to the forest. About 10 feet in, I look down and a skunk runs past Hella's feet. I didn't want to mention it to her, should she freak and get us sprayed, or give birth right there on the path! That was only the beginning. Soon we hear growling noises and rustling.

Hella: Are their bears around here?
Moi: I don't know. Probably. We are north you know. I've seen them at the dump but not here....*uncertainty*

More noise. The 'man' of the group grew up in the northern parts of Ontario and is knowledgeable about bears and what to do, so we look to him. He tells us to go back to the car and get in. We ran like idiots and flew into the car. He adds more panic to us ladies by saying "I wonder if it's a mother and her cub and we are between them?" Dumb ass. Oh-brilliant-one decides to rev the motor and squeal the tires hoping to scare whatever it was off. We give it a few minutes and brave the path again. This time, we make it to the cottage singing loudly and making lots of noise. I have never seen Hella that white and bug-eyed.

However, the drama is only beginning. We have to go back to the car to get the rest of the stuff. We left the beer and food there. Hella stays back and the 2 of us set out. Needless to say we hear the noise again and find ourselves once again racing to the car with him hauling me behind him at warp speed.

More revving, more tire squealing.

This time, when we get out, we decide no more trips. We load ourselves up like drug mules. He takes the cases of beer and a couple of bags. This is the kicker. He heads up the path saying he will make noise and make sure the coast is clear for me. He leaves me to lock the car and follow. I can only see the white of his shirt disappearing ahead of me. It's then that I realize what the fucker has done:

He has left me with all the raw meat and taken off to the cottage.

Thank you ever so much. Where was that protective nature of yours?
Meanwhile Hella is at the cottage panicking because we have been gone so long and she is alone!
I can't really remember much else from that weekend oddly enough.

Cottage life kicks some serious butt tho. There is nothing like sitting around the lake with friends. Can't wait to get back into it this year.

Hella: you up for a little more "Dock Dancing" this year? The old men loved it last year!

Penis Envy?

Things I would do if I had a penis:

Give it a pet name like Sammy or Sir Fucksalot (don't ask)
Love him and stroke him often.
Take him out to play.
Shave my balls. No need to look like big hairy kiwis now.
Wear boxers and tuck him a little to the left.
Stick it in the mashed potatoes at the next party.

Just thought you should Know. I've hit a new low. I know.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Some more words of wisdom regarding superheros:

BRODIE: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle his sperm? I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun, right through her back. What about her womb, you think it's strong enough to carry his child?

TS: Sure, why not?

BRODIE: He's an alien for Christssake. His Kryptonian biological makeup is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a Kryptonite condom, but that would kill him.

He's got a point you know.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

A previous thought has resurfaced again today. It seems I have penis on my mind.

Do you think Mr. Fantastic can stretch his dinky also?
And do you think The Thing is hard all over? I mean really all over.

Yup. A definite fixation lately on superheros and penises. I wonder why that is?
Forgive me.

Maybe too much Mallrats.

I have new issues now

Now that the summer holidays are fast approaching, I have more time on my hands. I like to take this time and catch up on some books that are on my 'to read' list. I also decided to try something new. Call me late on this trend (what else is new?) but I decided to give Sudoku a try. I figured it might sharpen my problem solving/critical thinking skills. Heck, it may even make me smarter. I've watched one of my brightest students tackle them and succeed, so why not right? I ordered a Sudoku book through the school and brought it home. This past Saturday I tackled the first puzzle in the "easy" section. Four and a half hours later I realized I needed a new strategy. Instead of making me smarter I have developed some serious aggression issues I think. My cussing has increased (if that's even possible) and I've thrown a few pencils in frustration. I didn't know I was like this! However, I do know that no matter how frustrating it is, I just can't stop or give up. No matter how badly I want to tear every last page from that friggen book and burn it with a few of my old bras, I won't. It's like a drug.

On the positive side, I am getting better, the third puzzle I did only took about 45 minutes, but who knows if that's even good. I say it's a site better then 4 hours! Now, excuse me puzzle 4 is pissing me off and I need to give it a good 'what-fer'.

Bitch- your ass is mine.

Dumb ass: 1 Common sense: 0

Dear Dip-shit,

What made you think that leaving your dog in the car on a day where temperatures were at 38 degrees was acceptable? You must have been too preoccupied with taking your family to the water park to really think about it eh? You and your happy little family were in the park splashing around while your dog was slowing cooking from the inside out in your car. Were you trying to stew him? Is that why there was a sac of potatoes and carrots in the back seat with him? You forgot the water. Thank goodness someone saw your poor pooch and called the police. I would have just smashed your window out right away. Similar to how the cop did, before the tow truck could arrived. How did you like the tow-call bill and the cost to replace your window? You got off lightly. Better that then the death of your dog on your conscience. If I was your dog I would bite you in the balls tonight while you sleep then piss in your shoes. You should be ashamed of yourself. And you call yourself a pet owner. I didn't think people were that stupid anymore. Once again I was proven wrong.

Father's Day. This day tends to be a hard day for me. I look at everyone celebrating with their fathers, and I miss mine even more. In school we do fancy little crafts for the fathers, and the kids naturally ask what I will do for mine. Usually, I respond that I will give him the same card/craft we are doing. Sometimes they ask just enough questions that I tell them the truth. My father passed away when I was younger. I don't want to tell them I was their age: 9. No need to put worry in their head. This year one of my little girls came to my desk and asked me about my plans with my dad. Conversation continued and she knows what happened. She looked up at me and gave me the biggest hug and said I could come to their house and share her dad. I was torn between laughing and crying at the sincerity of her thought. This is one reason I love kids so much!

My dad and I were close. I was 'daddy's little girl'. We used to sneak off before everyone was up on a Saturday morning to run errands. He and I were the only morning people in the house! We would drive around listening to Twisted Sister and Cyndi Lauper. He told me that when he heard "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'" it made him think of me. He got me and my older bro into soapbox racing. He became president of the organization and never missed a race. He painted my car something different every year. One year it was the Pink Panther and another Black Magic. I always had the best looking car around. I used to climb up on a chair in the kitchen and help him cook for the catering company he had on the side. He took the time to teach me tricks, and then would tell people how good of a help I was. I probably was more of a nuisance then a help! Our family used to go to Darien Lake every summer, right before school started. We would spend a few days camping and going on rides. I still have a few of the stuffed animals he won for me. I can't throw them away. Unfortunately, it was just after our last trip there that he was getting us ready for bed and school the next day, when he passed away. It was late at night and my mom still thinks we all slept through the commotion of the ambulance, the police and my granparents coming. I was awake. I heard it all, and saw most of it.

I knew, and I blew a kiss to you from the window.

It's been almost 18 years. It blows my mind. I am sad when I think that he missed milestones in my life that other girls got to share with their dads. Although, I have such an amazing family and I never went without. I always had someone at a 'father-daughter' event. My aunt is a second mom to me, and she gave me away at my wedding and my cousin danced with me that dance I swore was to be left out of the reception! Both whispered words in my ear that brought tears to my eyes and I will never forget. I am lucky to have the time I did and I'm thankful for that.

I am lucky to have amazing in-laws. My father in law treats me just like his own daughter, and I am spoiled rotten by both. I can't be thankful enough. Although my own father can't be here, I won't spend allllll day being sad. I have my memories and they make me smile.

Happy Father's Day to anyone celebrating.

and special thanks to someone who knew I needed a hug, and gave it to me.

Deep Thought

When Batman goes to the bathroom...is it considered guano?
Just wondering.
I have nothing better to do I guess.

Bring on the weekend baby!

Haiku Friday is here again!

Now if I could only get my act together with HNT and be consistent I would be set.

So without further ado here's the Haiku (is it me or does that rhyme?):

Thank God it's Friday

Turn the music up and rock

Pass me another

******************

Get ready to sweat

strip down to your nakedness

Hotter then Hades

******************

Monday will come soon

I've gone and depressed myself

Live in the moment!

Anal glaucoma...McDonalds and Kids Lunches

I suffered from Anal Glaucoma today.
Anal glaucoma: can't see my ass going into work today!
It's weird that it hit today. It usually acts up on a Monday. Maybe it's because the summer is so close I can taste it.

The kids have been wired, and quite frankly I'm too damn tired to shut them up and calm them down. I guess I just added fuel to the fire when I arranged to take both classes to McDonalds for lunch yesterday. 39 kids. Poor, poor patrons who wanted a quiet lunch (is that possible at McD's?). However, they were surprising good and I don't think we trashed the place to badly.

I did find it amusing that one of the kids asked me why I took them to McDonalds when I always bug them about eating healthy foods. I had to laugh. Here is my teaching being thrown back in my face. Smart ass kid. Well, dear child, it was a treat for doing the ministry testing and surviving. Most people don't eat it very often, so it's okay if you treat yourself once and awhile. Now maybe we should try and teach that to the 4-5 kids I have that get fast food for lunch atleast 3 days a week! (Warning: Rant ahead...) My one pet peeve is children's lunches. You would not believe the crap that most kids get. I have a strict rule about only eating healthy snacks after first recess, but sometimes it's up to me to provide them with a healthy choice. Lunches are packed with chips, cookies, cakes, candies, crap (all c words oddly enough). Where did the fruit and veggies go? What happened to getting sandwiches? They seem to have been replaced by those friggen "lunchables." Some parents even send those 'make your own cookie' lunchables as the 'main course' then pack the lunch with sweet treats for the rest of the day. Umm hello?! Do you look at what you're feeding your child? Do you wonder why your child is obese? Hyper? Not the brightest bulb? I'm the one that has to deal with them most of the day, so I guess you really don't care too much about their 'activity level', but please, think about their health. It's now that they will learn good eating habits! I could go on for hours about what I've seen, but you get the point right? Am I over-reacting?!

Side note: I am well aware that people are overweight for different reasons. I'm not attacking overweight people. I myself am not the thinest person around. However, I think it is important to eat healthy. Especially kids. Healthy foods give them the lasting energy they need and help them focus and learn and stay in good health. Ahhhh screw it. If I have to explain myself further I will...but hopefully you get what I'm saying...

Like mother like daughter I guess

I was visiting with my mom the other day, for my little bros birthday. Okay, my little brother isn't so little, he's atleast 6'4" and 25, but common, he's my baby brother. After dinner we got talking. She seems to enjoy my stories about the kidlets at work and the shit they come up with. She happened to say something to the effect of, "what would we do for entertainment if you weren't a teacher?" I decided that no matter what profession I am in, there is always a story to tell. Besides, it's all in how you tell a story that is entertaining!

I told her that I still would consider becoming a midwife if I grew tired of teaching. However, I elaborated on my thoughts, and the conversation went downhill from there:

Me: Although I think it would be a very exciting career and challenging, I think I would have to get over the idea of sticking my fingers up another woman's wazoo.

Mom: It wouldn't be that bad.

Me: I don't know....

Mom: You could always practice on yourself. *laughs*

Me: Mom!!

Mom: What?! It would get easier the more you do it.

What exactly did she really mean by that last comment?!
Now some of you see that I come by my sick humour honestly.

Some things I've wanted to say

I've seen a few people do this now, and have been thinking about it for myself. Below are 10 things about people, but who are not named. Perhaps they are things I am too shy to tell people, things I wish I could tell them, or things I hate about them. Anything. I'm looking to get a few things off my chest and hopefully get rid of some weight that seems to be pushing my shoulders down. It just makes it worse that people have no idea how I'm feeling, I put on a good front most of the time.

If you'd rather not hear me out, then might I suggest a little ditty on Raccoons, below? Maybe that's more your thing.

1. I admire you for everything that you are. You sacrificed so much to raise us, and give us everything we could ever want. You are the woman I hope to one day become. I know you know I love you, I just wish I could tell you.

2. I would give it all up, everything I have, just for 10 more minutes with you. I've missed you so much. There is a piece of me that will forever be gone, and I will always hurt.

3. You are my sister. Not in blood, but in so much more.

4. Your friendship means more to me then anything else in this world. I'm lucky to have you in my life and thank God everyday that we met and that you 'get' me.

5. I'm so jealous of you. Why do you get the things I desire, and I have to stand back and watch and wish? You are nothing but a whore. You don't even appreciate what you have.

6. I knew from the moment I met you I loved you. This will never change. We have been through so much, but I know we will be stronger for it.

7. How dare you, you son of a bitch? I hate you. I hate what you did. I will never have that back. You took it away from me. You ruined me. You caused me years of pain for 10 lousy minutes of your pleasure. Fuck you and the horse you road in on.

8. The things you said hurt. I can't believe they came out of your mouth. You promised to never hurt me.

9. I'm sorry that you have the life you do. I think of you and the ones like you everyday and it breaks my heart. I wish I could take you in my arms and love you like you deserve to be loved. Care for you the way you deserve to be cared for. If I could take your pain away I would. You are loved. You are special.

10. One day you will be mine. I will hold you in my arms and stare in your eyes. I will know unconditional love, and be able to give it. Right now you are just a dream.

Do raccoons commit suicide?

We moved awhile ago slightly north of a big city. I'll save you all the reasons why, but I have found one reason why I may not enjoy it so much now. There is a long dark road north I must take. A beautiful drive during the day, but horridly dark at night. I happened to notice lately the amount of roadkill on the drive. So many unfortunate pieces of smashed ass littering the street. Poor little critters. I never thought I would add to the carnage.

It was about 1:30 last night when I was heading up that long stretch of road, happily listening to a little NIN, gettin' down with my bad self. That's when I saw the eyes in the distance, frozen in the middle of the road. The fattest and possibly the largest raccoon I have ever seen was in the middle of the road. I slowed and swerved slightly into the other lane trying to avoid it, but that bugger had a death wish I guess. I saw it look at the car, then it ran right for it! Suicidal raccoon!

Sadly, I hit it. I hit it good. I wasn't sure what I should do. Do I get out and make sure it's dead? Check my car? I opted for no on both for a few reasons. One, if the raccoon wasn't yet dead, I wouldn't be able to finish it off, to put it out of its misery. Two, like I said, long dark road late at night. Girl by herself. Not stopping! I decided that I would check my car at the next gas station to make sure there was no serious mechanical damage. It felt fine so I continued. I called Mr. Sass and he and a good friend came to check on me. My car faired extremely well compared to my raccoon friend. There was a large dent in my front bumper skirt decorated with a bit of fur (but no blood or guts or anything nasty), but it was easily popped back out, leaving only a few minor scratches. Not bad for my little car and the size of that coon!

I didn't know how I would react to killing an animal by accident. I thought maybe I would freak or something, but I was strangely calm. I get more upset seeing those truck loads of chickens or pigs going to the slaughter house. However, my emotions hit me during my sleep. I kept dreaming of raccoons. Little baby raccoons alone in their homes, crying for their missing mommy. A raccoon on its way to visit a dying uncle raccoon when VROOOOM! Gone. An expectant raccoon trying to find a place to have her babies...it was tormenting! Restless sleep, cold sweat.

I'm sorry raccoon. I didn't mean to kill you.

NB: I had these cute pics of raccoons to post..but damn blogger won't let me...grrr! Maybe I'll be able to add them tomorrow...for a little comic relief of this tragic situation.

Why do I make things so difficult?!

I had a tough decision to make today. It really shouldn't have been that hard of a decision. Awhile ago I posted about being placed in a kindergarden class (down from my current grade 3). I didn't necessarily like it at first, but I soon found myself excited by the challenge and the change. I would be working with an awesome teacher and the kids appear to be pretty good. I could only see a few with little horns hiding amongst their hair. Friday, I was told we got the funding for an additional teacher, so I could have my class back if I wanted. Did I want it?
I weighed the pros and cons and even begged a few people to just decide for me. Maybe that way I could blame them if I was unhappy later. Not fair of me I know. I even told my husband that I he could do me in the ass if he made the decision for me, however I soon realized he would probably just tell me anything to be able to tap this ass, so I scratched that.
In the end I made the decision to return to grade 3. The thing is I'm not sure it's the right decision. Maybe I over think things too much. It's done and I know it will be fine.

Speak louder, I can't hear you right now

Well, I hit another concert last night. This time Ministry, and industrial metal band. A band from my highschool days. The experience can be summed up in 1 word: LOUD. I have been to some heavy concerts, but this takes the cake so to speak! My ears are still ringing, and I think I can thank the feedback they use! However, all talk of things being obscenely loud (maybe this is just another sign that I'm getting old *sighs*) the concert was really good.

The opening bands were Pitbull Daycare and the Revolting Cocks (RevCo). PBDC was pretty entertaining. Their music just as loud and their stage antics entertaining. However, I think I got more entertainment from the lead singer consistently hitting himself upside the head or across his chest....very odd. We decided he probably has tourettes which causes these tics. If we're right, we are not making fun, just wondering what the hell he was doing and getting a laugh from it. We thought the last song might even be where he just goes postal and beats the shit out of himself!

RevCo was great too. They opened with a personal favourite "beers, steers and queers", however, declined any offer from me to sing my version of the song. They did pull up several scantily clad girls from the audience to dance on stage to their rendition of Rod Stewart's "Do you think I'm sexy?" A giant penis danced along with them. Histarical.

Ministry themselves rocked the place. They played a lot of their new material and hit some old favourites, including NWO and Just One Fix. The only disappointment was that they did not play "Jesus built my Hotrod" a personal favourite and a song that was clearly written for my SO. Either way, the concert was a blast, and we had a great time. Sadly, this marks the end of my concerts so far. My ticket stash has been depleted. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I find something that I have to see, especially with the potential of Tool coming.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In honour of my new past time for friday, A haiku:

Headache, ears bleeding
rocked my booty off last night
smashed clock 6 am

Blogger sucks right now
its shit, lost posts, no pics
Frustration hits me

It's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine!

There has been a lot of hype around today's date because it's the number of evil/satan (666). I was asked if our school was doing anything significant (it being a Catholic school) like locking ourselves in our rooms and praying. Alas, we are not that cool, and I don't think anyone really cared too much. No one really said anything as a matter of fact. I personally was waiting for some giant catastrophe to happen, not the end of the world or anything, but something to make my day bad! As corny as it sounds, I was watching my step. Maybe all the bad experiences in the last couple of days was payment enough. Perhaps I got a sneak peek form satan himself since I'm sure he has come to terms with the fact that I will one day be taking over.

I was even surprised that none of the little devils in my class said anything about the date. It would have been a perfect excuse to misbehave! I'm serious when I say that you can tell it's a full moon by their behaviour, so I was expecting something (anything!) from them...but no they were good as gold! I over heard one group of kids talking while walking my dog though. They were looking for another friend who is usually out playing with them. Apparently, his mom thought it was going to be the end of the world so she was keeping the whole family in so they were together. To each their own. I think I'm going to end the day with a cold drink and putting my feet up, cuz if this is the end, I'm taking my Guinness with me! Now if I could only get this Great Big Sea song out of my head....

Hope your day was alright!!

Been tagged...and I like it

I was tagged by the outlaw torn with this interesting little one! 6 weird facts/habits about yourself. How can I resist? Weird may be my middle name. However, I will have to try and find some balance between totally weird and somewhat sane, so no one runs for the hills and never comes back!

Here are the rules:

1. Post six weird facts/habits about yourself. These cannot be used against you later on.
2. At the bottom name the six people you will tag next.
3. Leave them a comment to let them know they've been tagged and to read your blog.

Here are mine:

1. I used to think that if water got in my belly button I would drown. I was petrified in the shower so I would constantly be checking to make sure it wouldn't overflow and drown me. Later, in some alcohol induced state I told a friend about this and she gave me the nick name "BB" and still uses it today. I refuse to respond to it though!

2. I need to be on the 'inside' of things. I've mentioned this quirk before. I don't want to be the one closest to the door or on the end of a table. In bed, I want someone between me and the door. My things need to be deeper in a closet or at the end furthest from the exit. At a restaurant, put me on the inside of a booth by the wall. I hate that 'openness' and 'exposed' feeling. I feel more secure tucked away, and have gone to great lengths to make sure I'm not on the end! Before anyone suggests I am some introvert who hates attention...not true. I love attention and usually am in the butt of things. I don't get it either!

3. I have an unhealthy fear of bees and aliens. Yes aliens too. I act like a small child when a bee comes near me. In fact, that's how my best friend and I first bonded. I jumped into her lap in a car to avoid a swarm of bees (okay 2 bees). As for aliens, I am somewhat embarrassed to even say this! I can't stand the thought of there possibly being aliens. I won't go in the basement (or any other dark place) alone if I have aliens on my mind. The movie ET freaks me out like you wouldn't believe. I do however, believe strongly in spirits and ghosts and that doesn't frighten me...unless they are evil alien-bee spirits.

4. I have always wanted to be a teacher, but I still think I might like to be a midwife or an RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police). I also dream of being a successful author. Children's books, not smut (although I'm sure I could come up with something raunchy!). Life is too short for everything I want to be! I'm a complete dreamer I guess.

5. I too am a bit of a control freak (I hate to steal this from you outlaw torn, but it's true). I like things a certain way because I know it's worked for me in the past and there is comfort in that. I'm the idiot who will do all the work in a group because I worry that someone else won't hold their end up, or do it the way I think it should be done. I try really hard not to be like this though. I generally keep my control freak thoughts to myself and cope with things, but usually have some kind of internal nervy-b at the same time. I am equally openminded, but I do like to be in complete control.

6. My arms are on backwards. I swear it. Maybe I should post a picture to prove it. I think I am just double jointed, but it really can gross people out. If I lay my hands flat down, then I can 'spin' the back part to the front. It's this 'spinning' motion that does it for most people. I don't really even know how to explain it! I can even knock the 2 bones together for a delightful sound! I never knew anything was different about me until a friend screamed in horror one day in highschool. Go figure.

So, I managed to narrow it down! And I am the only one who knows what DIDN'T make the list! Muhahahaha! So now I tag: Hella - besides having a lot of dirt on me, she has a lot to share of herself too (and what she doesn't tell you I will fill in!) Mackey - cuz she's an awesome canuck and I'm sure she has some good shit she's hiding from us! Kshippychic - quite simply rocks so I hope she plays. I'd love to see what her list looks like. Dink in the pink - her love of ass crack is enough for me! 5 more now! Kari - She sounds too sweet to be real..there has got to be some weird stuff there! and YOU! whoever wants to play! I've bugged enough people already!

Mother nature needs a slap...

Rained out. No rides. No demolition derby. No beer tent. And most of all, no donkey.

The skies were clear and blue here. A mere hour away the black skies had opened up and unleashed their fury. It never let up, not for one moment, offering no hope for salvaging some of the events we planned. We had to make due with staying in and watching movies, which means I slept through them as usual (*sighs*) but atleast I had seen one of them before. Mother nature had her little laugh today as we woke up to clear blue skies and warm weather. Too little too late. Maybe next year.

Still a decent time with friends, and I can't complain about that.

Gettin' Away...

I'm taking the high road out of here! I need distraction. I need friends. I need to do something other then dwell on recent events. My mind is so rammed with crap, that I can't see clearly. So, I'm off to see the best friend for the rest of the weekend.

She's promised me a weekend of "fun at the fair" One thing is for sure, you know some carny will hit on her. It always happens. I think they can smell their own. However, I'm not saying that she has freakishly small hands or smells of cabbage (just to clarify, before I get the flogging of my life when I see her!), but there is something about her that appeals to these lads! I'm looking forward to the donkey from last year myself. What a vocal little monster he was! Never have I laughed so hard at one poor animal. I love him and have missed him. Maybe this is what I need? A small town fair with a beer tent and a demolition derby? I wonder if they'll let me drive? I'm sure it would be therapeutic.

I hope to come back refreshed and ready to go!

Same ol' shit today.
Now add some different woes.
What's a girl to do?


yes, that was an attempt at a haiku.

Pissed off. Angry. Hurt.

That about sums it up.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
--Ambrose Bierce