Tax Deadline tonight.

This is the first year I've had to owe money. I always get a nice lump sum back...this sucks. It's not a lot of money, but dammit, I've waited until the last day to give it to them.
I hope someone chokes on it.
And dies.

At least this is something Haiku!

What a busy week,
I know just how this cat feels,
minus the kibble.

Company's coming,
University girlfriends,
Good times to be had.

Neglecting my blog,
Nothing important to say,
Make some excitement!

10:45 - Snack time. Ms. Sassy's world.

Direct quote: "Stop sucking that (fruit roll-up) like it's a nipple and suck it like it's my...."

I interjected at that point. I should have let him finish. I'm curious.

-ish

The best suffix to any word.
I've only just realized just how much I use it (both in speech and written). The key is to pause before you say the 'ish'. Perhaps it's that I don't want to commit to any one idea/verb and saying that I'm that verb...so I add the 'ish' to it. Today, I'm tired-ish. The movie I watched last night was interesting-ish.
Get it?

This is evidence #2 that I have nothing interesting-ish to say.
Sorry.

Weekend re-cap

Monday.
Meh.

I don't usually re-cap the weekend (do I?), but I feel like I've been neglecting the ol' blog here. And neglect I must! The weather was fantastic this weekend! The temperature gauge in the car read +27! We opted for a cruise in the convertable, resulting in a slight sun burn for Mr. Sass, but that lucky bugger will have a nice dark tan by Tuesday. It takes me months to get any colour, and then it's starting to snow again!

We got some work done around the outside of the house, which is a bonus. Our redneck neighbours were actually out doing something too. Shocking! Nice people, but unless their grass is up to their knees, there seems to be no sense is cutting it! Oh well, who am I to say anything? It's not my yard. I don't have a green thumb, but at least it's kept.

I finished a really good book and watched a couple movies too. I actually stayed awake too! Something must be wrong with me! I watched Flyboys and Blood Diamonds. Both very good. Flyboys fascinated me a bit, because my grandfather (and his brothers) flew planes in WWII. His brother was shot from the sky from Nazi's and survived. A German family took him in (rescued him!) and mended him. They took care of him for over a year in fact, until he could come home. Insane!

On that note, I'm exhausted.
Till tomorrow.

Finally a sunny warm day - Haiku

Emotional week
many many ups and downs
wish they were in bed!

Ready for some sun,
Perhaps a walk by the lake,
Get some perspective.

Taking Mr. Sass
for procedure on his knee
this is the second.

Nothing serious,
just diagnostic measures
swollen up to hell!

"Before Shot" HNT

I was rummaging around a drawer and I found this 'get up.' It has matching panties too. Anyone knowing my fetish for them would have guessed though! A little stomach shot this time...a before picture if you will. I've committed myself to jogging each morning since the weather started improving and have kept up with it. I walk a lot, but I'm sure the jogging will help firm up things a little quicker. Let's see where this picture takes us in a couple months eh? Maybe one day I'll get the ol' navel pierced. ;-)

Happy HNT!

Pass the hockey helmet...

This kid's a window licker.
Luckily, I happen to love window lickers. I love this one in particular to the moon and back.
He's learned most of his bad habits from his Auntie Sass.

Thinking Blogger Award

Just when things were looking a little grey and uncertain, Hippychic finds a way to make me smile. It seems my wee Hippy Lass has nominated me for the "Thinking Blogger" award! She herself was nominated and then has to nominate 5 more people. I'm thinking that instead of a 'thought-provoking' blog, I have a more of a head scratching, "what the hell was she thinking?" kind of blog! Either way: Much appreciated!

Now I have to nominate 5 blogs! So here are my nominations:
**I'm assuming I can't re-nominate Hippychic? Cause if I can, you can just accept 6 nominations and slot Ms. Hippychic right there at the top!

Hella - My girl Hella manages to cover all the bases on her blog. You get a good idea of the real and amazingly awesome person she really is. She makes you think (but don't blame her for the burning smell) and makes you laugh. Her ability to identify the most obscure songs/artists has me thinking she was a music carnie in a previous life.

Mackey - She really lets us in certain parts of her life. I think she has the one blog that brings a tear to my eye more often than any others. She offers perspective that is sometimes easy to loose in our crazy lives. Her undying love for Chad and her sense of humour are second to none. She also gets the whole passion of Timmy's thing. She's proven that she's a great friend to have in your court too.

Randi - It scares me sometimes how similar she and I are...whether she realizes it or not. Sometimes I can read her blog and know exactly what she's going to say next. She has me laughing my arse off (no easy feat, it's rather large), and then other times she has me thinking or even changing my perspective of things. She's just dishes it out. Take it our leave it. That's why I love her.

Binsk - Although not blogging nearly enough anymore, she definitely makes me think. And Laugh. Hard. I find myself thinking about the 'younger' days and growing older. ;-)
I know it's a blog award, but talking to her in person really challenges my ideas. She has such fresh and new ideas and I love that she'll share them with me...and my 500 idiotic questions. Besides, her dog is cute and that's reason enough to get an award.

ThatGirl - Where do I start with this one? Her blog is one that although I link to, I'd like to keep her my little secret. I don't want to share! Alas, that is not me. Her blog offers an honest look into her life and the humours things that surround it. Ever since I found her, I've been scanning my grocery receipts hoping to find "grape cock" on it. If I had half the wit this gal has, I'd be seriously funny (I'd also be a 'half-wit'..but that's besides the point right?).

So those are my nominations. Sorry there is no money, fancy gift bags or even a crown or bouquet of flowers.

Here are the rules from the originating site of the award:

Should you choose to participate, please make sure you pass this list of rules to the blogs you are tagging. I thought it would be appropriate to include them with the meme.The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog). That was that! Please, remember to tag blogs with real merits, i.e. relative content, and above all - blogs that really get you thinking!

Seriously?

Someone told me if you smear a bit of dog crap on an itchy insect bite, it will take away the itch and reduce the swelling. Would someone kindly tell me who figures these things out and who in their right mind would rather smell like shit than itch a bit?

Not that it's even warm enough here yet to start thinking about bug bites.

Isn't it lovely
when friends and colleagues express
how worn out you look?

Been fighting sniffles,
Crappy, cuz I'm never 'sick'
Mind over matter!

Taxes must get done
Why so lazy this year Sass?
Afraid of owing?

Puttin' my feet up,
Visiting an old friend too,
Just need to relax!

Destructive much?

At least he mostly destroys things that are his. Mostly.
This one was of his "baby." He carried it around everywhere with him, even on walks. He took it to bed with him and 'kissed' it non-stop. He loved his baby to death. Literally.


What kind of dog am I raising?! No remorse either. He's replaced this baby for a new one. The only thing that remains from the dearly departed baby is the squeaker, which I often blow to remind him of his crime, yet he continues to be unfazed.

You know it's probably a good indication that there is not much material to your panties if you go into the bathroom, and it's not until it's too late that you realize you only took down your pants. Not the panties.

I wonder if this classifies as pissing my pants?

It scares me that the word "fist" can be a verb.

Happy Easter...and Christ's Hershey Highway

Why does the game of hockey toy with my emotions? I make it to my mom's house today in time to catch the last period of the NY-NJ game. The power goes out, but with like 6 minutes left in the third period I'm thinking the Leafs are goners. Then the power returns and my younger brother, my aunt and I are crowded around the tv watching the Devils come back to tie the game. HOLY SHIT, it's not over yet. Then overtime. Then shoot-out. We miss a playoff spot because of a shoot out. Hella, I'm no longer going to wipe my ass with the Habs flag, I'm opting for an Islanders Jersey instead.
I'm crushed.
Another year, no playoffs. I'll still follow and watch and cheer (some) teams on, but it just won't be the same.

On another note, to cheer me up, I have some Easter joy for everyone. Randi in particular may enjoy this. It seems there was some controversy over a sculpture entitles "My Sweet Lord." A 200 pound chocolate Jesus sculpture. Catholics were outraged because it seems Jesus is without his loin cloth. Yup, Jesus and his chocolate junk. I'm thinking that I should avoid the 'Hershey highway' jokes, and jokes about biting his 'head' off first... Not to mention that the "Almighty" isn't so almighty. Ahem.

Happy Easter Folks.

Holy Mackenaw!

What a game!

In the course of the game, I screamed, yelled myself hoarse, pissed my pants slightly, cussed like a sailor and even threw up in my mouth a bit. In true Leafs fashion, they dominated the first period (something like 20 shots on net!), ended up doing something odd in the second to make the fans heart stop, and then dug into beat the Habs in the third. A HUGE win for us, only made that much sweeter because it was the Habs we sent packing!
You can bet your sweet ass I'll be keeping an eye on the Islanders-Devils game today! We need the Devils to win. Keep your fingers crossed!

Almost Easter Haiku

Lent almost over
1 of 2 promises kept
Can't help that I cuss!


When Sunday is here,
I'll finally taste Heathe
Sent by Hippychic.


Have kept to jogging,
Even in the rain and snow
Now down seven pounds.

No Re-Leaf yet...

Well, the Leafs aren't totally screwed just yet.
They predicted it would come down to Saturday's game against the Habs, and it will. I'd give my left breast to go to that game!
Meh, it was a great game either way.
I'll save the cheering/cussing for after Saturday's game.

Let's get naked!

How come when you are young it's "skinny dipping" but now that we're older, some may argue that it's "chunky dunking?"

Either way, with the snow that is falling at this moment and the colder temperatures returning, it's making me yearn even more for those weekends away at Hella's cottage. I can't wait for a little sun, some beer, and skinny dipping (or chunky dunking depending on what angle you are looking at me from).

*sigh*

Summer please come quick!

Muffin Eating 101

It occurred to me today (while watching a co-worker eat a muffin) that there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who eat the bottoms of the muffin first, and those who eat the top first.

Personally, if I'm going to eat a muffin (the dessert thing..nothing else you perverts!) then I always eat the bottom first. I turn that baby over and pick away at it's bottom (man can that be taken dirty!) I like the top best, because it's usually crunchy. Crunchy is good. I could probably do without the whole bottom and just eat the top. I wonder why they don't just sell muffin tops, like they do donut holes?

Maybe I can develop some kind of theory (like the middle child theory that seems to haunt me) about muffin eaters?
Where do you start when you eat a muffin?

My redneck husband and his cars...

While visiting Hella yesterday, Mr. Sass seems to have potentially acquired a 'new' car. By new car I mean some heap of shit that's stuck in the mud, and belongs to Hella's dad. There happens to be a family of chipmunks who live in the engine compartment too. It doesn't get much better than this!
I only kid about it being a heap of shit. After about 13 years of being with Mr. Sass, I not only know a lot about cars (and can diagnose/fix a lot myself!), but I can appreciate the beauty that lies beneath some rust, and in this case, some mold and moss. Hella's mom wants it gone, and Mr. Sass wants a new toy to play with. I don't give a rat's ass as long as I have a garage to park in in the winter months. So, the adventure shall soon begin.
The thing I've noticed about Mr. Sass and his love of all things cars, is he's a bit of a redneck when it comes to them. The last truck he was 'storing' at Hella's place got so rusted it actually broke into two pieces on the trailer while taking it back 'home'. Thank God for small miracles. Looking back over the years, and the many cars that have come in and out of our lives, the evidence that I'm married to a redneck in disguise seems to pile up. Keep in mind this only pertains to Mr. Sass and cars. I could do a whole other book on the other things that make this boy a redneck...but I like the bed I sleep in thank you very much.

• When driving, the rule seems to be that at a 4 way stop the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
• Removing the back seat just makes more room for speakers and tools.
• Laying rubber while in a funeral procession is acceptable.
• Driving with your left foot out of the window is a skill, not a distraction officer!
• It's okay if your boots have more tread then your tires.
• A sharpie does a damn good 'touch-up' job.
• He can hold up the hood of his car with his head while he works on it.
• One truck has more lights than our house.
• The only Spanish he knows is "El Camino"
• He owns over 8 cars, but sometimes needs to bum a ride to work.
• He works on his car, even when there is nothing wrong with it.
• He does own half a pick up truck.
• For every car he buys, he searches for a second 'parts-car.'
• He's emptied the bed of his truck by driving backwards really fast and slamming on the breaks.
  

I just fear that one day, if he keeps bringing these things home, we will be the salvage yards biggest competition!

Edit: As I read this list out to Mr. Sass, I heard a tiny voice whine "It's truuue..."

Smart Cars? Pfffft. Ugly Ass Effin Cars is more like it

An end to a pretty good birthday weekend :)

So why am I going to ruin in now?
Because I can if I want to.


I hate Smart Cars. These ugly ass cars actually make me angry when I see them. I want to kick something when one drives by. I get that they are good for the environment, etc, etc...but that doesn't change my opinion. I'd rather gnaw my own face off then drive in one. Words can't even describe the hate-on I have for these cars.




A few weeks ago when we went to the Auto Show, Hella and Mr. Sass dragged me over to the Smart Car area to torture me. They did have cute t-shirts that Hella and I were checking out. We didn't make any friends in this section though. We were asked if we wanted to enter a draw to win a car. "Which Car?" we asked. "A Smart Car."
Hella: "Those ugly ass things? No way."
Moi: "I'd rather walk, but thanks." We got some nasty looks, but our moms taught us to be honest right?
Then, to make things worse, Mr. Sass threw me in the passenger side of one for a picture. It took the promise of many great things to get me to stop screaming and sit still for a moment.
I don't think they liked the puke on the floor I left behind either.

Never again folks. Never again.

Again?!?! Thanks Hella =P

The morning after a night with my girlfriends celebrating my birthday. It's bloody quarter to 8:00 and I'm tagged again. Check it out:

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:30 (On a Sunday?!?!)
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? That Rocky movie.
4. What is your favourite TV show? Don't have one right now, but Little Mosque on the Prairie is awesome!
5. What did you have for breakfast? Tea, a breakfast bar and some melon.
6. What is your middle name? Marie
7. What is your favourite food? Pasta
8. What foods do you dislike? Peas
9. Favourite chip? Bbq, but I really don't eat chips.
10. What is your favourite CD at the moment? One X – Three Days Grace
11. What kind of car do you drive? Dodge Neon (it's a Mercedes in disguise).
12. What is your favourite sandwich? Brad and Angelina
13. What characteristic do you despise? Selfishness or an unwillingness tot help someone in need
14. What are your favourite clothes? Jeans or my PJ's!!
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Ireland/Scotland.
16. Where would you want to retire? Stay in Canada, maybe live on a lake with some serious property! (amen Hella!)
17. Favourite time of day? The first quiet minutes of the morning, or when I first get home from work when I can sit for a few minutes.
18. Where were you born? Brampton
19. Who do you think will not respond to this? ????
20. Person you expect to respond this? Meh...who knows?
21. Beavers or ducks? Definitely the Beaver!! ;-)
22. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Morning person allll the way!
23. Pedicure or manicure? Pedicure...but why not both?!
24. Share? Always :)
25. What did you want to be when you were little? Always a teacher, but also an RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police)
26. What is your best childhood memory? Getting up early with my dad to run errands...oh and going to work with him on my PD days!!
27. Piercings? Ears X3 and nose
28. Ever been to Africa or Alaska ? No :(
29. Ever been toilet papering? Yes!
30. Been in a car accident? Yes, minor.
31. Favourite day of the week? Saturday
32. Favourite restaurant? Swiss Chalet
33. Favourite ice cream? Vanilla (I know..borrrring)
34. Favourite fast food restaurant? Harvey's ..but I don't wish to eat that crap!
35. Last email? A note from Hippychic :D
36. What was the last movie that you rented? Half Nelson
37. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Toss up between music and GreenHawk (a 'horse' store).
38. Bedtime? Usually about 10:00 (go on laugh!)
39. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Last time I was curious I ended up in bed with 2 girls, some male exotic dancer and a video crew in the corner....
40. Last person you went to dinner with? Mr. Sass and his parents for my birthday :)
41. What are you listening to right now? Cooper snore.
42. What is your favourite color? Purple and Green
43. How many tattoos do you have? None
44. Favourite magazine? People
45. What book are you reading? Just got The Pursuit of Happyness.
46. Weirdest thing in your purse or wallet at the moment? A fetus named Cletus . We're spending some quality time together before he leaves for Texas.
47. If you had one wish, what would it be? That it wasn't only Cletus.