Halloween - what an unoriginal title!

First, I have to say: YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!
I now have a copy of Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars! Mackey you are ace! You were the first and so I am announcing my love to you! This doesn't mean I don't love all of you who also came through, it just means I love Mackey a little more cuz she was first!

Second, it's my older brother's birthday today.
It explains a whooooooole lot. Trust me.
Ahhh love him just the same. So Happy Birthday to him!

Lastly, I just finished handing out candy to all the neighbourhood kids. It's our first Halloween in this neighbourhood and we weren't sure what to expect. I didn't hand out candy in our old neighbourhood because I also taught there. Enough said. I usually went to my mom's house to see the brother and hand candy out for her. This year, it was different.
We figured that based on the amount of kids we see out and about (or "a-boot" for Exile) we would have quite a few visitors. We made sure we were stocked up! I even thought that we might have some left-overs that I could use as bribery at work...no such luck! I swear there were sooooo many kids.

I had the perfect plan. Any older kid, who I thought should be doing something else then trick-or-treating had to dance for me, especially since some of these older kids tend to be ignorant cusses! I figured if all else fails I'd just throw candy at them as they came up the walk way, and work on my aim. The little kids and those with cute/creative costumes would get the best stuff (ie: not left overs from our party at school today or the crap that kept appearing on my desk). However, I think I was blown away and my plan went to the shitter.
I am still in shock.
EVERY kid that came to my door, no matter the size or age, said thank you. They wished me a Happy Halloween and some even said 'have a great night'.
What the heck?? Every single one.
All of them!
I swear.
I don't know what it is! I've heard that the kids in this area are bratz! Apparently they remembered their manners, or perhaps they knew I'd throw stuff at them.
I'm impressed.
I'm also laughing at the guy with facial hair who was still trick-or-treating. He got candy for having guts. He tried to pass it off as 'pirate scruff', but when I tugged on it..it was real.
The award goes to the young girl on her cell phone though. She had it to her ear walking up the driveway. Asks the person to hold on, says trick-or-treat, says thank you and then resumes conversation. Hilarious. Ridiculous perhaps. I got a kick out of it.

Well now that Halloween is over, and I'm not quite sure if I'll ever get that smell of sweets and sugar out of my nostrils out, I hope that everyone had a good night, or atleast pretended to.

Happy Halloween

Chasing cars in my head...

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

I have this song stuck in my head.
It just won't leave.
I close my eyes to sleep and I hear it.
I wake up, and it's the first words I speak.
I sing it to myself in the car, in the shower, wandering around.
I can't sing.
The people around me must be very tolerable. Or deaf.

I wait for it to come on the radio.
I can't help it, there is something about this song that just makes me smile.

I need this song. NEED. It's the only way it will stop the madness inside of me.
I can't find it, legally or not. My computer won't cooperate.
I must be retarded, or the whole music world is against me.

I will love anyone who can deliver.

100 Things

100 things about me.
Maybe some stuff you didn't want to know, but you decided to read it!

1. I was suppose to be named Leanne, but my mom and the neighbour didn't want to have their girls grow up together with the same name and be best friends. First one to have their baby could use the name Leanne. I don't know this girl from a hole in the wall. I could have been Leanne.
2. Contrary to what people think when they see my name, my parents were not huge Elvis fans.
3. My name did get me my first waitressing job, because my boss was an Elvis fan.
4. I'm a middle child. To some this explains a lot.
5. I'm an Aries. To others, this explains a lot.
6. Maybe it's a combination of the two?
7. I don't know if I believe my horoscope.
8. I do believe that everything happens for a reason.
9. My favourite colour is purple, but this does not mean I want my nipples to be pinched.
10. I love green too.
11. Not much grosses me out.
12. But snot does. BIG TIME.
13. Only on adults though..who insist on 'snorting' it our making that 'horking' sound. bleh!
14. I'm gagging right now at the thought.
15. I used to think that if too much water got in my belly button I would drown. It stressed me out as a kid.
16. Because of this my old roommate Keri calls me BB. Last time I tell her shit like that! Isn't that right Muffy???
17. My mom still calls me Dolly...my childhood nickname.
18. She also calls me "sleaza" instead of Lisa. Can you feel the love?
19. My mom is one of my heros.
20. She struggled to give us everything we needed/wanted after my dad died.
21. I was 9 when that happened.
22. I'm just (slightly) addicted to horseback riding.
23. I wish I could afford my own horse.
24. I went so far as to tell Mr. Sass he could stick it in my ass if he bought me a horse.
25. He's working 4 jobs and selling all his shit on Ebay.
26. I'm kidding.
27. About the 4 jobs and Ebay.
28. I want to name my horse Giacomo! Say it. It's fun to say.
29. My hair was thick and straight until puberty.
30. Now it's thin and curly.
31. I want a tattoo.
32. I'm a bit chicken (a lot chicken) to get one.
33. A celtic cross I think. I need to find the right one.
34. My elbows are double jointed and I can 'knock' the bones together. It's a great party trick.
35. I probably use sarcasm too much.
36. I was the first to graduate University in my immediate family.
37. I went to Brock in St. Catharines.
38. No I didn't have sex in the "she-wolf" there, but I know people who did.
39. I care too much what other people think, even though I give the impression I don't give a flying fuck.
40. I'm a pleaser. I like my friends and family to be happy, so I try to do whatever it takes.
41. I'm allergic to penicillin and the back up: erythromycen. Basically, I'm screwed then?
42. I pick at things.
43. I'm afraid of ET.
44. And bees.
45. I'm a morning person.
46. I have a bad habit of falling asleep during movies, no matter how good they are.
47. I give pretty good massages, so I hear.
48. My family is of Irish/Scottish decent.
49. I would love to go see Ireland/Scotland one day.
50. My grandfather used to tell me that he sold the 'O' from his last name, for a bowl of soup when he came to Canada.
51. I'm not allowed to say "Oh my God" in front of my grandfather, because apparently it's offensive.
52. But I could say the "N" word and he wouldn't bat an eyelash.
53. My grandfather is not a racist...just old.
54. I have 2 brothers.
55. I met Mr. Sass when I was 16 (or was it 15?)
56. He looked like Jesus (seriously...I wonder if he'd let me post his H/S pic?)
57. He was exactly what my mother did NOT want me bringing home. She was pissed that I broke up with the 'lovely Irish Catholic boy." Pfffft.
58. I was date raped at 15.
59. I never told anyone then, except a guidance councilor.
60. I regret that.
61. My mom still doesn't know, and it would kill me (and her) if she knew.
62. I've broken my leg and my toes.
63. I've had surgery once, and then popped stitches racing down the stairs to see Hella's then husband. I was high on drugs when I did it. It's funny now. It wasn't then.
64. You wouldn't believe me if I told you what the surgery was for. I'm apparently young for this shit. Lucky me.
65. Because of it, I'm very shy/self-conscience about what I wear and what I'll show people.
66. I'm not telling you what it is.
67. My favourite number is 33.
68. I was one of those kids that thought if I touched myself 'down there' I would get pregnant.
69. If that was the case, I would have a ka-zillion kids. :P
70. There is nothing more in life that I'd like then to be a mom.
71. I see a doctor for that reason.
72. I pray everyday and wish on every star that one day I will get that.
73. This has caused some hardships in my marriage...but we'll stick it out.
74. I'm amazed at how 2 people from different backgrounds and upbringing could be so alike.
75. I don't really cry in front of anyone, except for Mr. Sass and Hella...and once in front of a co-worker after a failed attempt at the fertility clinic.
76. I cry when I'm alone, because I want to be the strong one for people.
77. I'd rather be the one people depend on, then have to depend on people. Does that make sense?
78. I don't like to go into the basement alone at night. It scares me...laugh if you want!
79. I like to read. A lot.
80. I love languages and wish I could speak many!
81. My french is rusty...I don't really have anyone to speak it with.
82. Accents turn me on. It doesn't matter what kind..but an accent...yum!
83. I would move to another country just to listen to people talk.
84. Pierced eyebrows do it for me too...but on the right guy.
85. It's really easy to make me smile.
86. I can get along with most people easily.
87. I use humour a lot, but you either get me, or you don't. If not, I probably look like a tool sometimes. I don't care.
88. I have no shame.
89. I don't embarrass easily.
90. I can be quite lady-like and proper if I want to be.
91. I like to be 'one of the guys'.
92. I love looking at pictures, taking pictures and sharing pictures.
93. I have some interesting shots of people in interesting positions....you can never let your guard down with me when I have a camera.
94. I'm more spiritual then most people think...but I don't go to church often.
95. I'd like to think I'm incredibly tolerant and understanding....I really do hope I am!
96. I like to dance, but I can't really dance worth beans! Like a bull in a china shop baby!
97. I say "eh" a lot, and type it.
98. I can't keep plants alive very well....just look back at that bamboo!
99. I like to flirt...a lot. I guess I like the attention. Is this comment going to get me in trouble??
100. I sing loudly when I'm in the car alone. I know I can't sing, so I don't torture too many people for too long.
101. I LOVE Kevin Smith films.

101 - over achiever? Perhaps that's 102?

Sweet as candy Haiku

Need some more passion
Experiment a little
Seeking adventure

Hit up the sex show
trinkets and gadgets galore
found these tasty gems

I see a problem
More time spent eating candy
less time eating me.

Blogger has been a pain for me for the last little bit!
If you really care you can scroll down and read the tag by Mackey and about the time (the ONLY) time someone has ever scared the ever-loving shit outta me: Mr. Sass.
No HNT for this reason too! And it was a Halloween themed one...shit! Is next week too late?

Tag that ass!

Tagged by Mackey!!
She know's I'll play and she also seems to think that sweet innocent me has some deep, dark (and somewhat kinky) secrets to share. Jeepers! I hope I don't dissapoint!

My earliest memory is...having my favourite doll chained to the table leg by my older brother and watching him beat her senseless. My mom thought it was histerical. I did not. I killed his hamster.

At school I... was voted most likely to get laid at my grade 13 grad. Brilliant. It was actually more of a contest between this guy and myself. I bet him a nights worth of drinks that I'd win. Seems I was more convincing than he was to get votes...but then again, I have the boobs right? I won. Can't remember if I got laid tho....

My first relationship...weird. We were best friends and decided to try dating out. It was too 'icky'...like kissing my brother, so we split up soon after. Ruined the friendship too. I would go on and do this 2 more times with guy friends. I never learn I guess.

I wish I'd never worn...such a bright coloured shirt the night I was busted for 'public indecency'...the cop probably saw me from a mile away like a beacon in the night...that and my lily white ass of course ;-)

My mother and father always told me... to be good and to listen to my teachers.

I wish I had...children.

I wish I hadn't...Let myself be alone with someone many years ago...

My most humiliating moment was...having the father in law walk in (pre-father in law days of course) while otherwise engaged in something or another. He stood there dumb-founded but continued to have a conversation like nothing happened...at least my youngest brother in law has since taken the cake and this story is no longer told at family dinners!

My happiest moment was... This is really sappy, but I was really happy the first time I graduated Univeristy. To see the look on my mom's face was priceless. I was the first in a long time to graduate university. My wedding day was pretty damn happy too by the way.

At home I cook..in the buff, except when frying something...that hurts too much! This reminds me that I need blinds in the kitchen....

My last meal would be... mom's pasta sauce and some kind of noodle. Or Angelina and Brad sprawled out for me. I'd take either and roll with it.

My favourite gadget is...the one I got at the sex show..lol

I'm very bad at...licking my elbows.

When I was a child I wanted to be... a teacher and an RCMP. 1/2 ain't bad.

It's not fashionable, but I love... my toque! I hate being cold dammit!

Friends (would)say I am...dependable (I hope!), a wise-ass, and maybe they'd say I was a decent friend...ask them!

The song I'd like played at my funeral is...I was going to say something lame like ACDC's Highway to Hell..but knowing my friends, they'd do it. Maybe some U2 -with or without you. Never really thought too much of this.

If only I could...get knocked up? ohhh and my own farm of horses and some super sexy barn boys...mmmm cowboys even. Yummy.

The hardest thing I've ever done was...say goodbye to my Gramma when she passed away.

What I don't find amusing is...deadbeat parents. I can't stand this issue..don't get me started....

If I wasn't me I'd like to be... royalty. I'm already the princess around here..so it's not that big of a step. Riiight. I only wish. I am more of the chamber maid around here!

At the moment I'm watching...my dog lick his ass...I wonder why humans can't do that?

If I were a car I'd be...pink? This is truly a sad answer. Anyone who knows me knows I know a fair bit about cars and such, and would be expecting some dynamite answer, but the truth is I can't decide if I'd be some hot sporty little number or a muscle car...so pink it is!

I often wonder...what it would be like to be male..but just for one day.

Please note: No hamsters were ever harmed. I accidently let one out to play in the backyard once and he got away, but I never directly killed one.

He got me good that year...

Today is Mr. Sass's birthday.
It also marks 2 years. 2 years ago he scared the ever-loving shit out of me. I pride myself on scaring people, and that no one can scare me quite like I get them. He did it good though.

I went to bed fairly early the night before his birthday. I left him on the couch watching the CSI marathon that was on. At just after 12:00am he decided to come up to wake me and let me know that it was officially his birthday, and to let me know he was going out to meet some friends (he was probably hoping for some early birthday sex too). The bedroom light was obviously off, but he left the hall light on so he could see his way to the bed. He sat down. I was on my back (no comments from the peanut gallery!). H leaned across me and apparently whispered my name. I was in a deep sleep and was startled 'awake' (I don't think I was actually really awake). The only thing I saw was a dark figure leaning over me. I couldn't see a face.
Then I heard the most god-awful blood curdling scream. A good scream too. Top of the lungs...2 full breaths worth of a scream. It was almost an out of body experience. I can remember thinking "wow, that's quite the scream, who the hell is it?" At some point I recognized a voice saying "Sass, it's me. shhhh." I realized it was me screaming and I snapped to reality. My throat was killing me! I think I woke the neighbours with my scream and definitely gave Mr. Sass a bit of a scare too. I could have sworn it was a stranger and I was going to be attacked. I instantly burst into tears, shaking. Maybe it was some kind of panic attack, but I was inconsolable. I called my mom and woke her up, thinking that maybe this happened because something happened to someone in my family and I sensed it on some subconscious level. Everything was okay, but I was up for hours pacing.
Bloody brilliant.
Something so innocent (and done so many times before) scared me half to death.
I realized at some point that the episode of CSI I was watching was when some pervert was hiding out in some girls house, watching her from the attack. He killed her.
I can laugh about it now. The only thing the weirds me out is that whole feeling of being disconnected from my body during that time.
This year, Mr. Sass will not be waking me at 12:00. Shortly after, he made a (stupid) rule of "NO CSI BEFORE BED".

So, all that said, I wish him a very Happy Birthday.
His birthday will forever be remembered as the time he actually got me back...and nearly killed me doing so.

One sexy update!

So we hit the Sex Show on Sunday. Of course we all went to church first.
Jesus before fornication: always.

It was a really good time. Although, at one point after seeing a 50-something cougar dressed as Britney Spears in a kilt so low I could see her c-section scar, I thought I might never have sex again. However, it's me, so that feeling didn't last too long! We meandered around looking at (and touching) new things, perusing the porn and trying to persuade some skanky ass porn star to take a picture with us for free. If the money was going to charity, I would have happily obliged, however I think she wanted it for some labia reconstruction. This theory based purely on seeing some of her porn in the background of her booth. One word for her: USED.

We ventured into the 'dungeon' which was an adult toyland of whips, gags, paddles and some seriously frightening looking contraptions to be tied to. I was making a (quick) exit when we were approached to be 'shocked' by some little toy that resembled a cattle prodder. After the weekend game with Exile, I thought I might like this! NOPE! It was fine at first and then I'll admit I screamed out. Every part of me that he tried it on was okay except the back of my hand. It stung for over half an hour (maybe I'm being a baby about it). He can keep his toy.
I'd like to see him try it on his balls.

Leave it to Hella to know one of the vendors (and the devil himself!), and to score us some freebies. Interesting business he's running. Porn rental through the mail. It comes in a nice little package that look like Great Aunt Matilda is sending you an invite to tea. You rent, you watch and then you send it back in a tidy little envelope with prepaid postage. If that's your thing, it's brilliant.

On one last note, I saw the shirt that JJ had referenced on her blog: No Means Eat Me Out First. I am still eager to hold up my end of a 'dare' (or was it a 'double dog dare?') to buy it and wear it to work for a picture. Sadly, it only came in a small...and there is no way these puppies will fit in a small. I did however take their card....so stay tuned JJ!!

Last..

Since it's one of those lazy days (and I'm killing time before Hella and I hit the Everything to do with Sex Show avec mes amis), I thought I steal this from Hella's blog.

Last Place I was: Walking the dog..in the rain. Give me a break. It's only 9am.
Last Drink I had: Tea. Shocking to those who know me.
Last Movie I saw: Theatres? Jackass 2 with Hella, Exile and Mr. Sass. Home? Lucky Number Slevin and Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. I clearly need to expand the kind of movies I've been watching lately!
Last Person I Talked To On The Phone: Hella of course!
Last Song I Listened to: How about Album? Just got the new Evanescence album and been playing it over and over.
Last Bubble Bath I Took: Couldn't tell ya! Been toooo long. Maybe if I had one of those big soaker tubs and someone who would join me....
Last Time I cried: Hmmm. Sometimes it seems that's all I do, but now I couldn't tell you! Maybe with Hella a little while back...she has a great shoulder.
Last T.V. Show I Watched: The First 48
Last Book I read: Maeve Binchy's The Copper Beech, and I read the latest Maxim.
Last Time I Laughed: A few minutes ago...at my own stupidity.

Haiku Friday

So apparently
The peeps of HNT say
Silk isn't that great.

Hitting the sex show
Surrounded by kinky shit
Sassy and Saucy

Tonight it's rest time
Exhausted beyond belief
Mind in overdrive.

HNT - a little tied up....

Perhaps a little more risque then usual, but I was feelin'’ a little sassy!

What'’s a girl to do all tied up like that?

What would have made this even better would have been a little more silk. Silk against the skin feels heavenly. However, truth be told, silk sheets are not a pleasure I've experienced yet.

What I wouldn'’t give to do that....

Maybe if I'’m not so naughty, Santa will be good to me this year.

Happy HNT!

Tomorrow, I'll be back to my sweet innocent self....maybe.

Randi is an auntie!
Go Congratulate her!

I'm in a rut for things to say...

It's been one of those days. Rain, rain, and more rain!

I'm tired. I think I maybe slept 4 hours last night. *sigh*
I'm cold. Watch you eyes.
I'm wet. Take that for what you want.

Somehow there always seems to be a silver lining in the greyest of days.

I found a picture I had taken awhile ago that made me laugh. It was another hit on a stop sign, similar to the "eating animals" one I posted awhile ago. This one almost made me get out and dance. I won't comment if I went into any song routine tho....


Btw - I found Hella, but she's quite happy to remain up on cloud nine for awhile yet! Hope she sends a post card!

Canada will never quite be the same....

Canada shall never be the same.
Exile came to visit. I think Hella is still floating somewhere up near cloud nine. Let me know if you see her.

The weekend flew by in a haze of beer, wine, and electric shocks. We tried to put a little culture in this California boy, by teaching him some "Canadian." Do we now know what a toque is? Poutine? Not poon-tang! Poutine. Yes. I say 'eh' a lot. A LOT. So sue me you hoser. Exile opened our eyes to just how patriotic Canada is. It seems that we just don't notice all the maple leaves floating around. He pointed them all out. ALL of them.

We took him to have poutine. Heart attack on a plate, but he had to atleast try it.

Poutine is fries with gravy and cheese. Exile reminisced about his days working in a vet and drew some parallels as to what aspects of that job poutine now reminded him of. He ate it and liked it.

We went out to play a few games at Dave and Busters. It's my pleasure to say that Hella beat the snot out of him in a racing game (damn women drivers!). However, she needed a little of my help with another game. I think by jumping on I may have done more damage to her game then helping..but it was fun and I copped a feel while I was there. I kid.

It is here that I must confess. I had my milk bags fondled by Exile. It seems he's never quite seen milk bags like these!

It seems that our American friends can only get their milk in cartons or other containers, not bags! I think he enjoyed fondling my bags. I liked it too.

Exile managed to turn Hella and I on to a new game too. He's shown this devil on his blog, but now that I've experienced it, I need to have it! Last one to react to the change in light colour (or if you react to early) gets a heck of a shock! It was too much fun. Anyone care to tell me why the more I drank, the better my reaction time came? Not so for poor Hella. I wonder if she has the feeling back in her hand yet? My love of this new game has got me wondering if I secretly like pain....I'm sure some wild antic from the weekend has been left out. My mind is off somewhere else today....

All in all, the weekend was really great. It was nice to finally meet this blog friend! I hope that he had just a good time ;-) as we did. Come back soon eh!

Now..do me!!

I stole this from Randi.

I want some lovin' too!

I ____ Sassy.
Sassy is ____.
Sassy thinks a lot about _______.
When I think of _________, I think of Sassy.
If I were alone in a room with Sassy, I would _______.
I think Sassy should _____.
Sassy needs ______.
I want to ____________ Sassy.
If I could describe Sassy in a word: _______.

A brief re-cap

I'm pleased to report that Hella at work with me went well. I'm not out of a job, and I think she will be welcome back. She got along well with everyone, especially my teaching partner. I think their perverse minds and sick tastes suit each other...we can smell our own kind you know. Within 5 minutes of her arrival we managed to make boss man's face turn bright red at our antics. I'm sure he won't complain too much since he got a nice view of Hella's hind end a la 'visitor sticker'.

We left at lunch to roam the malls, molest a monkey and pick up a friend.

Seeing the perma-smile that has been on Hella's face since Friday afternoon has warmed the inner regions of me. However, since I missed Haiku Friday, I'll sum up in Haiku:

She's like a sister
Her happiness means so much
Cuz the bitching ends!

Friday afternoon
Weeks of waiting come to end
Meeting a new friend

Passion ignites them
I warned of dehydration
Take the gatorade!

Hella - I kid about the 'bitching'...you took your pill right?

Already??

This is bull pucky!

I came in from walking the dog not 10 minutes ago...then I look out and this is what's coming down!


Noooo! I wanted this weekend to have nice fall weather, not freeze your clitoris off weather!

I guess seeing as I didn't post a HNT pic...maybe this will have to suffice?

If anyone should be visiting...bring a coat, you can only depend on body heat for so long ;-)

Captain Lame-o!

So I got busted. It was a joke. Hardy har har.

On a completely different note, I seem to be running my tail off this week trying to get things organized and in order...happily doing so mind you. There is a certain sense of accomplishment when you get things done, especially if these tasks have been looking you in the face for some time.
I'm looking forward to a change in pace this weekend, and having a little fun. It's also just been confirmed...there will be mega trouble come Friday morning. Hella is coming to work with me!
I can only imagine what this will do! I figure, if we can't keep a wrap on things, I'll be in the unemployment line come Friday afternoon (right after the airport of course...first things first right Hella?).

Pathetic, but that's all I've got today!

Enjoy this pic in the meantime..hehe.

Oh lord...

Bare with me a little on this one:

I saw a guy standing out near the park by the school today. Not bad looking either. I was pretty sure he was the father of one of my kids. If so, I hadn't had a chance to speak to him as the parents are divorced and he's not around often, so I decided to approach him. You know: Lay the charm on, shmooze...whatever.

He was standing alone by the swings, watching the kids play. I put my best smile on and said:

Excuse me, I think you are the father of one of my kids.
Him: Blank stare. Looks me up and down....smiles.

Awkward silence. I'm thinking I'm wrong and I've made a fool of myself.

Wrong.

Him: Ohhh yeahhhh. I remember now! We were are that party. You were totally smashed and so was I. You looked really hot though. How could I forget? You were the girl I nailed in the laundry room...up against the dryer. You left scratches on my back!

Big shitting-eating grin on his face.

Mine? Not so much.

Me: ummm sir, although that does sound lovely, I was just saying that I think you are the parent of one of my students....

*sigh*

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

A little promotion for a friend

Everyday I pee my pants just a little.
Everyday my jaw gapes a little more.
Everyday I find my self asking, "did he just say that?"

Everyday it's: Steven Novak

His blog gets me going everytime (minds out of the gutter folks...that spot's taken).
Could I dare call him a creative genius?
Is it an acquired taste for those with warped minds? Probably.
I see it as real life and sadly I can relate to it (except maybe for that one time where he was fondled by two women before 9am, or when he found himself watching his friend shit on another friend from a branch high up a tree a la monkey style, or even that time he was pissed on by a drunken homeless guy while attending to Boss Hog at the urinal....). Either way, this dude's a laugh.

Now he has a book. Yup. A book. "Goats Eat Cans" A collection of blogs, short stories and whatever other nonsense he saw fit. Check it out. You can click the link.

There you have it, a little shameless promotion for a friend.
My work here is done.

Now where's my cut Steve?
I kid.
Congrats again.

Turkey Time..and a little Festive Haiku!

Thanksgiving is here
Turkey, taters, pumpkin pie,
Pants one size larger

Family visiting
Drinking of wine and laughing
Good times will be had

Monday will bring sleep
Lethargic from the turkey
Must get up and move!

HNT - A little down under

Ever been down under?

The best I can offer then is some 'Australian' cleavage. You can see a little down under the shirt. Mr. Sass took this pic just before we left for our vacation before I hit the sun. He was hoping I would wear something like this a little more often. Why bother? If I wanted to show the girls off I'd just take my shirt off! It's legal here to go topless ;-)

Happy HNT to you all!

Caution: Rant ahead.

I apologize in advance for the following rant: Aimed at a parent.

I don't understand why you think you can come into my room and tell me how to run a class. I didn't ask you for your opinion, your advice, or even you frequent drop in visits. Last I checked it said my name on the door, the degree, and the paycheck. There is nothing wrong in my room. The children are happy, obedient and they are learning. More importantly, they are having fun while they learn.

Don't ask me why your son hasn't got his test back that he wrote yesterday. I'll give it back when I damn well want to. Just because you nag me, I'll keep it an extra week, just to piss you off. Perhaps you expect me to rush home and mark them right away. Should I do that before or after I get through the mountain of marking that awaits me on my desk, call the parents whose children really need my attention, clean up my room so it's ready for the next day, meet with my partner to plan, and prepare the upcoming lessons/activities? Fact is, if I get through half of that it's a bloody miracle. I don't let it bother me though. It will all get done, in it's own time.

There is a difference between you and me: I have a life. I don't have all this 'free' time that you seem to have. Perhaps this sounds harsh to you. Maybe you will think I am envious. Here's the thing. I love my job. Not many people can say that, but I can. You are a stay at home mom. A hard job I'm sure. Parenting can't be easy, but your kids are in school from 9-3:30...what the hell are you doing during that time? You have told me countless times that you have a cleaning lady, so you can't be cleaning. You also complained to me that picking up the kids and having to come in to check their desks, interrupts your nap. Excuuuuse me. Sorry, if I think that your children are more important then a nap. Don't complain to me, I've been with 20 8-9 year olds all day. I'm tired. Here's another thing: don't come and check their desks. They have to learn to be responsible. If they forget something and there is a consequence, let them take their lumps and learn from it. You baby them. Cut the cord honey. No one likes sniffly, whiny, momma's boys. You have all day to do whatever it is you do. Clearly, it's not showering or making any attempt at looking like a woman (rude of me I know).

Maybe you sit at home all day and think of things that you could suggest to me? Nit pick about? Complain about? Tell me about? I also know you are the cause of the drama out on "parent hill". I see you for what you are. Your petty problems with other parents have affected your kids and theirs. Shame on you for pulling them into your issues!

So please, don't come to me saying that your child doesn't need to do said quiz because you didn't have time to study with him. I didn't know your social schedule was so jammed packed that you couldn't spend 10 minutes a night for the last week helping him. Maybe the line up was too long at Timmy's. Save it for someone who cares. You go about this all wrong. I'm the easiest person to get along with, but when you piss me off, I'll go out of may to return the favour.

Pull up your socks honey, and work with me, not against me. It's a long way until June.


*I just want to say that I am in no way looking to attack stay at home moms. I've just heard to much from this one in particular and for someone who does nothing all day (her own words) she seems to expect and awful lot from me, and has all the excuses in the book as to why she couldn't do something....just saying. Props to the good stay at home mommies. :D

Oral exam and perhaps a 'drilling' please

I realized something the last time I went to the dentist.

My dentist is in the ghetto.

I stopped to look around. There are 2 strip clubs across the street. The dirtiest and nastiest of any in the city. The kind with an hourly rate motel attached and crack whores hanging about. Speaking of crack whores, the "Ho-Jo" is on the corner. Not to long ago, one of said crack whores got high and jumped off the roof to her death. Perhaps that's why there are so many 'ladies of the night' hanging around? Remembering their lost friend? Or stealing her business? Either way, not a corner you want to be around, unless you are looking for an 8 ball or herpes.

The dentist itself has been there for years, thru the demise of this strip of town. It's unfortunate that they don't up and move. Maybe they like the strange smells that come from that Chinese restaurant across the plaza from them. You know, the one that has been shut down twice for serving cat and dog? Maybe I'll stop and grab some lunch there after my appointment one day.

The best is that my dentist is right next door to a "massage parlour and day spa." Funny, this spa is open until 4am! What person really needs a pedicure at 3am? The kicker is that there is a double door and the sign on the second door says "Entry is restricted to anyone 18 and older!" I never knew that getting your hair and nails done were illegal to those under 18. Hmmm, I think something is fishy here (in more ways then one folks). I've only ever seen men come out of this parlour. Interesting. Using my excellent deducing skills I've come to the following conclusion: It's a Rub-n-Tug.

Yup my dentist is across the street from 2 seedy strip clubs, the Ho-Jo crack hangout, a shady chinese restaurant and next door to a Rub-n-Tug.

I think next time, I'm going to go into the "spa" and inquire about their services. Perhaps a little undercover detective work?