29 Candles today

I turned my lights (and everything else) off.
Did you?

If I wanted to be repeatedly shit and pissed on, I'd go make dutch porn.
Lay off. I do my best. You could meet me half way.

Dear Mother Nature,
What's up with this weather? It's never snowy on my birthday. Sometimes rain, but not snow and never ice. Usually it's at least 7 degrees, not -7.
You've got 5 days to get your act together and clean this shit up.
Thanks,
Sassy

My mom's ex-boyfriend stalks her.

Not in a "I'm going to kidnap you, take you away and make you love me...or I'll kill you" way. At least I don't think so (that kind of drama was for her best friend. No jokes. The guy is in jail now.). He's not the type, but then again what is that type? and do you ever really know? Anyway, she finds it funny.
I first found out because we saw his truck one day on the same road. He was heading to the mall and my mom decided that she no longer wanted to go there. She then explained that he'd find her and we'd be stuck and that would fuel him to seek her attention even more then he already does. He constantly drops flowers and her favourite chocolates off to work for her, even when she's not there. He'll leave them with some creepy message with the girl working. She gives the chocolates away and throws the flowers in the garbage. Originally she didn't tell anyone, but since he's always popping in to her place of work, she told someone. He drives by the house randomly and he'll call (thank God for call display) too.

I can see why he likes my mom, she's awesome, but get a clue buddy. He clearly has too much time on his hands and needs to get a life.

He creeped me out a long time ago when we were at the cottage and Mr. Sass caught him nonchalantly peeping in on me while I was changing. That should tip you off right there eh? Pervert.

Happy Easter!!!

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Easter. Check out my little bunny:

Why did I get the crazy lady for a mom?

And of course a picture of Cooper...poor dog. At least he has someone else now who gets tortured with him!

It's the first day of spring and Mother nature forgot to turn on the heat damn it!

I'm recycling an old Easter picture for this Holy season. Baby Jesus would be so proud.

I've been baking....

Probably not a good sign eh?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I really toyed with the idea of painting Mason green, but decided the hassle I'd probably get from Children's Services wasn't worth it. About 3 years ago (maybe 4) I bought this onesie. It was too cute to pass up and I hoped one day I'd have a baby to wear it. Who knew it would be a perfect fit for St. Patrick's day?! Too bad he resembles more of his daddy's side then his mommy's pasty white Irish side! Oh well, he's one little leprechaun I love who has brought me the best kind of riches out there!
Last year for this holiday I got waaaay to drunk with Hella and Binsk and then at some point got myself pregnant. This year it will be green punch and abstinence thank you very much!

I leave you with some Irish blessings and sayings:

My grandparents always said this one to us:

May your blessings outnumber
The Shamrocks that grow.
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
**Then my grandfather would add in "and may you spend half an hour in heaven before the devil knows your dead!"

This one is for Hella and Binsk. The best drinking buddies ever!

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

Have a good one friends!
Slainte!

Opps...my bad!

It's not joking how cold and snowy it can get around these parts. My husband "Mr. Sass" as I like to call him, keeps his hair pretty short, but lets it get a bit longer in the winter to keep his melon warm (like me and my leg hair). When he starts to look like a Q-tip, I make some comment and he pulls out the buzzer. The other night, said comment arose and he started to shave his head. He usually shaves something into his head so he looks like a window licker and then lets me finish it off and make sure everything is even (except for the times I'm pissed off with him and leave a hairy patch at the back for a few days). Anyways, I was busy feeding Mason and told him he'd have to wait a minute. When I was done I went up to the bathroom. As I was coming in the room the phone rang. It was my mom. Mr. Sass is mouthing to me that he can wait, to go and talk to her. However, with the phone cradled on my shoulder I tell him "I can do more than one thing at once you know!"
Famous last words.
I neglected to notice that he took the guard off. He had handed me the buzzer and turned around (like he ALWAYS does. I ALWAYS go over his head first then trim up his neck without the guard!). While chatting with mom, I started to run the buzzer up his head. He whipped around and in his best...ummm...black diva voice he says, "Oh no you juss di'int!"
Oh yes I just did.
I shaved him down to his skin. I nearly peed my pants laughing. Apparently I can't shave heads and talk on the phone at the same time without effin up.

A rare Mr. Sass sighting..see how impressed he is? A look I am sadly familiar with.

Good thing we have a lot of toques.

Stuffed and Starved

This morning I had the tv on to "Breakfast Television" and they had the author Raj Patel on. He wrote this book called Stuffed and Starved which looks at the absurdities in the world's food systems. Just look at how many people are so overweight in contrast to how many people are starving. A fact that really makes you think and made me shudder. It really is sad. I found it interesting that Ben and Jerrys ice cream also owns Slim Fast, and Nestle also owns Jenny Craig. Seems like they get your money getting you fat and then get your money again getting you slim again. Before anyone jumps down my throat, I'm well aware (all to aware...) that they are not personally standing there shoving ice cream and treats down our throats while we object. We all make our own nutritional choices whether they be bad or good. I just found a little humor (should I be laughing at this?) in the irony of these businesses. Raj also mentioned that the "golden arches" are far more known then the Catholic cross (unless of course you live in Canada, then it would be the Tim Hortons sign that is far more recognized!). I really can't comment or say too much more until I read the book, but it did remind me of a time in highschool where a bunch of us hooligans plastered Whopper wrappers from Burger King all over the front window of Jenny Craig. tst tst.
Hella were you apart of this? Or were you in hiding during a game of CB tag?

Ok Randi, no more testicles. A new post, however pointless it may turn out to be.

The fact of the matter is I hate black pens. Now don't go and get your knickers in a knot, I'm not a racist (I have a coloured tv). I won't not write with a black pen, but I do try to avoid it. I find I write a whole lot messier with black ink...and I blame the pen. I need a nice blue pen that writes with a thicker line. The ideal pen? The Medium Patermate Flexgrip Ultra Ballpoint Pen.
I won't even bother going into the fact that I'll steal a nice blue pen if I come across it. Rather, I take it and leave behind a black one that I hate.
I know. I have issues.

Do your balls hang low??

I need your help. Well..the help of the men out there, or some women who are willing to quiz their loved ones.

Mr. Sass decided to tell me that one of a man's testicles hangs a little lower then the other and that apparently correlates to what their dominant hand is. For example, if a man's right nut hangs lower then he is left handed, and visa versa. I'll say that it holds true in this house. I need to know if it's really true or if he's pulling my chain. Again.

Could you kindly do a little research for me?

This guy is clearly right handed if this holds true...

There's something wrong with this town....

Someone is always messing with the signs in this town. I've learned to always have my camera handy. I don't know how they got to this sign, unless it was the massive piles of snow around here, but I do know one thing: My momma ain't that cheap!