Dumb ass things I did as a kid - Part 2

A change of pace is needed. First, little Meah has been moved to Sick Kids in TO and is stable. She had a bunch of tests today and is possibly going to have surgery later this week. So much for waiting until she is 3 weeks old. A decision will be made within the next day or so, once the results from her scans today are viewed. Thanks to everyone for their positive words, thoughts, and prayers.

So...on to my dumbassedness. So last time I told you how I loved myself so much I kissed my reflection in a hot toaster and burned my lips. Not this smartest peanut in the turd my friends. This time, it's a practical joke gone wrong.
I loved to play jokes on my brothers. I guess it was my way of getting them back for the duffing up I got from them. This particular time, I decided I would stretch a piece of seranwrap over the toilet bowl so that when one of those boneheads would come in to pee, it would bounce back up at them and get pee everywhere.
I strategically placed the seranwrap over the toilet and pulled it tight so you couldn't see really see it. I then ran outside to play with my cousin. I guess it was one too many lemonades because I came racing in to use the bathroom and forgot what I had done. I pissed onto the seranwrap and it shot back up at me, all over my ass. I was so shocked and pissed (haha pun intended) at what had happened that I jumped up, continuing to piss all over myself, my knickers, and the floor. My mom came running to see what had happened...and I had to tell her what I did. So instead of getting those buggars for decapitating all my Barbies and hanging them from ropes from my bedroom ceiling, I was stuck inside on a perfect summer day, cleaning piss up from the bathroom floor.

Little Angel

My friend called yesterday. She and her "husband" just had their third child. They have 2 beautiful boys and now a little girl. Her name is Meah. With her first son, she was group B strep positive but didn't know it. It almost killed her son. He was sooo sick. The second was okay, and they treated him in time before she delivered. This time she tested positive again. She has insanely fast labour and deliveries (bitch). She's always had her babies early too. This time they wanted to get the antibiotics in her, then induce her, expecting a very quick delivery. They did that. Meah was born within 45 minutes of her mom being induced. They beat this group B strep only to be bitch slapped.

Little Meah is very sick. She not only has a bad lung infection (possibly something to do with the group B strep), she has some heart problems (I can't remember what she called it), where her heart isn't oxygenating her blood properly. She was rushed from one hospital to McMaster and will be moved to Sick Kids in Toronto possibly tomorrow. She's stable now, but needs surgery to fix her tint heart. She's already a fighter. She's pitched a few fits and throws her pacifier out of the isolet as soon as someone opens it (that's soooo her mom!).

I can't imagine how her mom feels. She was in tears on the phone trying to tell me. All we ever want is a healthy baby. I'm so thankful that I've been given that. It really made me hug my boy closer and thank God for what I've been given.

I feel so helpless and not sure what I can do. We plan to go visit soon. I guess all we can do is be supportive and let them know we are here if they need us.



Please send good thoughts, prayers, juju, whatever way you roll.
This tiny little miracle needs it.

It snot cool.

MIA - I wish two things:
1) that it was truly missing in "action" which would mean I was away because I was having crazy sex with Mr. Sass and suffering from absolute exhaustion, therefore not able to muster enough strength to type some bullshit out.

2) Something worthy of blogging has happened. Alas, it has been the same old, same old around here, with a dash of wicked weather to keep me outside!

Mason and I did go swimming today, and although I didn't see my short bus tuna friend, I was grossed out of the pool. I take him in the "leisure pool" which is warmer and not as deep, has kids toys available and fun fountains spraying water everywhere. It's mostly kids and their parents in there, and a few elderly people sitting on the side with the jets and bench...anyhoo.... Today this man (40-50s) was walking around the leisure pool and he had a big greener hanging out of his nose. He was just doing laps and staring at people with this big string of snot hanging down. I wondered if I should tell him (I would after all, appreciate someone pointing out to me if I had boogers on my face...) and then I thought...why is he in the leisure pool anyway. Is he some kind of pedophile with a camera lurking somewhere in his trousers?

In the end I was gagging at the sight of snot (can't stand snot on adults..don't get me started) so much that poor little Mason and I uped and left. We were close to prune state anyway.
I'm really wondering about the people in this town....

This chicken needs a chokin'!

The other day I went into the school to see the kids and sort some "issues" that have arisen before I have to go back (argh!). I also did a lot of visiting. Once I was spotted I found myself making promises that Mason and I would come see them in their classes. We made good on our promises and did a little tour.
In the other grade 3 classroom, there were some of my grade 2's from my 2/3 class last year. It was nice to see them and hear that they missed me. However, one of the little darlings piped up and said, "I almost forgot about you!"
Thanks, I'm glad I made such an impact on your life you little turd! hehe

Not too long after Mason was a getting a little unsure of all these kids, so I passed him his stuffed chicken we got on our trip (a long story as to why he has a chicken...). He immediately smiled and started waving it around. He had him by the neck. The kids were laughing (cuz he's sheer cuteness folks). Suddenly, one of them pipes up, "Miss! He's choking his chicken!"
It was said in pure innocence. Their teacher and I of course are laughing are twats off.
God I love when kids say funny shit and they don't realize it's funny.
I almost miss that enough to want to go back to work.

Sad

I'm in a funk.
I've been in a funk since yesterday. I went with my mom and the baby to see my grandfather. He's in a nursing home now. It always shocks me to see him. This time, I nearly burst into tears. He looks awful. So frail, so pale, and not happy. When asked what he wanted he just said "health." He's confused and uncomfortable. He did smile at Mason and laughed at the things he did. He stared at him and reached out to touch him. He was actually content seeing him. He asked questions about him (although at times he's hard to understand). I felt so sad watching him reach a finger out to Mason. I felt like he was taking time to see his great grandson, like it would be his last. Like a loon I grabbed the camera and started taking some pictures (I always do), but this time I made sure there were lots. I think in part I needed to do something or I'd start crying. Maybe I shouldn't be pessimistic, but I can't shake the feeling that our time is severely limited. Years ago at age nine, I remember thinking "smile for this picture with dad, it could be your last." What friggen 9 year old thinks like that?
Well it was our last. I'll never forget that feeling of knowing.
I won't ignore it.
I don't get the complete impression that he's leaving us so soon, but I know things are taking a turn for the worse. I need to enjoy the time I have left and make memories and share stories with my boy.
I just feel so sad.

Tagged by Mackey!! It's been awhile since I've been tagged, so I'm happy to oblige :)
The Rules:

Answer the questions using only one word.

Then tag four others.


1. Where is your cell phone? Charging
2. Your significant other? Snoring
3. Your hair? frizzball
4. Your mother? friend
5. Your father? missed
6. Your favorite thing? horses
7. Your dream last night? fucked
8 Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? kids!!
10. The room you’re in? family
11. Your hobby? riding (*tee hee*)
12. Your fear? alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? retired!
14. What you’re not? stupid
15. Muffins? lemon
16. One of your wish list items? horse
17. Where you grew up? Brampton
18. The last thing you did? drink
19. What are you wearing? panties
20. Favorite gadget? buzzzzzzzz
21. Your pets? dog
22. Your computer? new
23. Your mood? sad
24. Missing someone? yes
25. Your car? sweet
26. Something you’re not wearing? shirt
27. Favorite store? Beer
28. Like someone? yes
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? yesterday

I tag the first 4 who come by AND want to play.

I'd just like to thank the half-wit who came to my door this afternoon for throwing this household into a loop. I don't normally answer my door unless I am expecting someone. The car is parked in the garage and it's during the day so let's assume no one's home and go away okay? I don't have time for you and whatever sales pitch you have.

Not you though.

You rang and rang, and after each ring proceeded to knock on the window. You know, most people pick one or the other. Most people may only ring once or twice for that matter. Then they get the hint and move on. I really did think that maybe it was some 6 year old who hadn't learned doorbell etiquette yet. Or maybe even some emergency. Perhaps you were being chased by a pack of murderers, or were experiencing chest pains and couldn't quite make it across the street to the hospital. Except I saw your middle age lard ass lumbering away to the next house carrying a clipboard. You either belong to the heating and air conditioning truck parked up the street or the car with the liberal candidate's campaign signs all over it. Either way, you are shit out of luck.
After you disturbed my lunch, woke my son, and caused my over-protective dog to start growling and barking at the door, all peace and quiet was lost.

Thank you. I look forward to a few minutes of peace and quiet and you ruined that. I'm slowly regaining order in my house and settling a baby who really wants to nap, but was rudely awakened by your repeated ringing and knocking. Brilliant.

I just want to know, was it really necessary to ring and knock like that? Jesus.

Peace out fucker.

Bukaki???

The husband and I were sitting around the other night when I got a fit of the giggles. He stares at me and asks "what now?"
I was remembering an incident...

Did I ever tell you my bukaki story?

Eaaaasy boys. It's not what it seems.

You see, I was listening to my favourite radio station and one of the morning hosts said something about "diarrhea bukaki" (replace the usual bukaki fluid with diarrhea, and you have diarrhea bukaki). I wasn't really paying attention but, I found the word funny.
I repeated it. A lot.
In the car.
In the grocery store.
At our parents' houses.
Out to dinner.
Randomly while walking through the mall.
You get the idea.
I'd say it and giggle.

I didn't know what it meant. The husband did, but never told me. I just thought it was friggen funny. Finally, he asked "do you even know what that means?|" I had to google it. I didn't ever imagine it was bad because I had heard it on the radio. Then he reminded me of the type of radio stations I listen to...point taken.

Me the queen of all sex terms and things taboo, had no idea what bukaki was, let alone diarrhea bukaki!
Then I thought of all the places I was randomly saying "diarrhea bukaki" like I had Turette syndrome.
I don't know what reminded me of it last night, but it's renewed the tick of randomly saying it. This time it's just around to the house.

More turtle sex...

Just for Jobthingy...since I have a feeling she'll enjoy it as much as I did. It's pretty crappy sound quality since it was so busy in this area. It's also a short video even though the turtle on the bottom tries to walk away. They go back at it again. You'll have to take my word for it. However, by this point, Mr. Sass had dragged me away, slightly embarrassed at my gawking. I think he was worried if he watched it he'd get all turned on and have to bend me over the turtle display and show those damn turtles how it's done! For the record, I wasn't the only one snickering like a 9 year old. I may have been the only one videotaping though....




Yup - 14 seconds of shitty turtle sex. You'll never get those 14 seconds of your life back.

Don't worry thatgirl, it's not loud, you can click it, but I guess it will make those evil memories of your turtle sex experience come back. To make you feel better, I took this picture for you:

Part 2 of the whole vacation low-down (AKA Turtle fucking highlights)

First - I totally took Jobthingy's idea and called the Wal-mart where stupid, fat ditchpig whore works and filed a complaint. Apparently it's not the first tome someone has complained about her. Rest assured that I will be making a few more calls as "other" shoppers who have been upset by her actions. I will only rest when she is GONE. Eat my box bitch!

Hmmm second thought, she can keep her herpes-ridden gob away from my box...

Anyways, the update of the vacation. I'll make this short okay?
After Calgary we went onto BC for 10 days. We were there to see Mr. Sass' family. They are Mennonites. Hence the lack of updates. No internet connection. We had a great time. We went to good ol' Stanley Park and the Aquarium there. Good times. We went hiking on an old train path through the mountains and through old tunnels. Very cool. Lots of time was spent with his cousins. He has such an awesome family.

My boys :)

2 turtles fucking at the aquarium. I also took a video cuz I'm immature like that.

Kettle Valley Railway paths where we were hiking.

Teeter your child on a ledge over raging waters for a picture: Parent of the year award #2 for us.


One of the old rail bridges we hiked along. Mr. Sass scaled down the rocks to the bottom to take this picture...nutso. At times I was convinced I'd be a single mother by the end of the day.

One of the many amazing sand castles at Harrison hot springs at the annual world finals. These were truly amazing...and large! I was blown away.

So you add a lot of family visiting, some amazing scenery, and a few day trips and you have our days in BC. BC is simply gorgeous. I'll never get used to seeing mountains all around me.
There.
My Vacation.
Over.
*sigh*

A small hiatus from my vacation recap. Don't everyone jump for joy at once.
So why the hiatus you ask?
Some fat bitch at Wal-Mart pissed me off.
Yup: Rant ahead. You've been warned. I can only imagine that it will be littered with profanity.

So I went to get baby food for Mason. Nothing left in the cupboard, so I was going to seriously stock it and save me a trip for more later this week. I bought lots. LOTS. Lots of new things for him to try. I buy Organic when I can. Why not? For the most part it's the same price and I am of the thought that I can at least give him a good start and give him good and healthy food choices. I make some of his food now and then, but the jars are easy, I'm not going to lie. Mr. Sass and I eat a lot of Organic and locally grown food. We prefer natural meat that's not been fed antibiotics and all that other shit. It's not that we won't eat other meat or foods, it's just that when we can, we do this. Same for Mason, it's not that I won't allow my son to eat anything that's not organic, it's just what I've been giving him now. I know he'll have lots of other foods as he grows and I'm not going to run a Nazi regime over his eating habits.
I also let him touch things and I'm not over crazy about germs and not allowing him to do things because he might get sick. He is clean and I wash his hands when needed, but I want him to experience things. Besides, he's building up his immunity. He hasn't been sick yet (knock on wood). Again, I'm not going to go all psycho trying to prevent him from touching things just for the fear that it's dirty and could make him sick. Once he starts walking, I'm sure he'll touch all kinds of think and put them in his mouth. Mmmm.
Yes - all this rambling is pertinent to the story. It's my defense maybe. Just to you though.

Anyways, I get to the cash and the sow at the till looks at all the food and says, "You are doing your child more harm feeding him organic then not. You yuppy people think you are doing so wonderful for your kid, but it's grown in shit you know. How good is that? He's just going to be a sickly child and develop disorders when he's an adult."
I'm standing there staring at her. Gobsmacked. She continues on about how I'm probably one of those parents who sanitizes my kids hands all the time and fusses over him being clean all the time. This will also make him sickly and he'll probably die young. (*Please note that while she's saying this, Mason is chewing on my sunglasses. Probably not hygienic, but he likes them).

Anyone who knows me knows this ditch pig is lucky she still has her life. They would also tell you that I am not shy to speak my mind and defend myself. I have no problem telling an ignorant, mis-informed cunt scab that she should just mind her own fucking business. That her fucking opinion was not asked for, nor wanted. That she probably doesn't know the first thing about being healthy and sanitary, or at least that's what her 400 pound, scab ridden body suggested.

I'd love to tell you that I said something to her. Most would probably not believe me if I told them I didn't really say anything. My head was pounding, sinus pain, coughing, and a sprained (if not broken, toe. Normally this would just fuel my fury, but this time, I just gave her a snarky look and said "thank you for your crappy opinion, but I'll do what I think is best for my son and not be influenced by people that think they know everything."

I'm mad at myself for not saying more, but I figure she'll get her own when the maggots crawl out of her festering sores and gnaw her face off. Bitch. What gives her the fucking right to comment on how I'm feeding my child? She can lick me where God split me.

...and here's a picture of my toe. Just because I can. I need a pedicure, I know. Now I'll have to wait until the bruising goes away. The swelling is almost gone. The picture looks better then the real thing actually. Meh. It's probably just sprained, but it hurts like hell. I love a good bruise, so I always take a picture.

The vacation update...part 1.

I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet. Mainly because this cold is kicking my ass. I feel like crap and to make things even more enjoyable, I'm pretty sure I broke at least one of my toes today.

So right before we left on vacation, I went away for the night with my mom and aunt. It was to get away for my mom's birthday and a belated mother's day gift. We went to see Jersey Boys at the theatre. So AWESOME. We stayed the night at a fancy hotel and pampered ourselves, and then went to the Blue Jays game against Boston. They lost in extra innings, but it was a great game. It was the first time I have left Mason over night. I survived (barely) and so did he. He had a great time with his daddy.

Hmm....I'm already rambling here I think....

Mason did AWESOME on the plane. All three plane trips. He charmed the pants off the people around him. The time change was no issue for him either. He did so well. He was always happy and laughing and entertaining all the new family and friends he met. We are so proud of him.

We got to Alberta to see my brother and sister in law. They showed us an incredible time and loved seeing the boy. They haven't see him since he was 10 days old so they were shocked at how big he has gotten (I do send lots of pictures!). One of the highlights was going up to Banff and Lake Louise. It was freezing in the mountains, but SOOO beautiful. Here are a couple pics:

Lake Louise. This picture really does it no justice. The water is so blue and the mountains so gorgeous.

Excellent parenting skills: perch your child on a ledge for a picture. I left Mr. Sass in the picture so you'd all know Mason was safe.

Moi et Monsieur Sass. Please note I am exhausted, bundled up and freezing. Don't judge yo.

Banff. Again: gorgeous. We mostly shopped and breathed in the fresh mountain air...

The next day we drove up to Edmonton. We had a quick visit with Mr. Sass's cousin. I mainly wanted to go so I could me Mackey! Too bad we got lost and had to stop because then I would have much more time with her and her family. I got jipped. I can't tell you how amazing she is in person and her family is just as amazing. We really had a blast with them (and riding the roller coaster in the mall...even though I nearly shit a kitten doing it!). I wish I had more time. I was sad driving home :(

I reallllllly love Alberta. I could so see myself living there. Maybe it was the sexy cowboys I saw...but it was really great. I wish we had stayed at least one more day.

Tomorrow: The BC leg of our trip (ie: where my internet connection was lacking, since we were staying with Mr. Sass' Mennonite family).

Guess who's back?

I'm home.
I've managed to catch a cold too. I never get sick so I'm kind of pissed off about it. I guess I ran myself right down with all the things we were doing. Besides, next time I get the fancy idea of taking a redeye flight home...smack me. Sure, Mason slept really well...but we didn't! I'm so tired today! Bleh.

I'll give a brief synopsis of our trip and some pictures. I promise.


However, first I'm just kind of in one of those moods.
It's the 2oth anniversary of my dad passing away. I was 9. It doesn't seem like 20 years at all. I still miss him like crazy. It would be so awesome to have him here to play with his first grandson. He would absolutely love Mason :) He always took so much time for me and my brothers.

So 20 years. Wow.

I'll update tomorrow.