Out of the mouths of children

Brace yourself. This one is a good one.

My grade ones have been singing a song. It's stuck in their head. The other day there were waiting for me while I was talking to another teacher and they were lining up at the door to go in. They started singing. The other teachers remarked at how good they were. They were not only lined up nicely, but look how cute they were singing a song all together while they waited!

I laughed. "Listen to WHAT they are singing. Listen closely my friends."

A choir of 6 year olds were singing:

I get money,
I get paper,
I get girls all different flavors,
I get coochie, I get booty
I spend dolla after dolla

Yup. They were singing about coochie and booty and girls in different flavours. I had no idea about this song or who started singing it, but it was quite hilarious to hear them sing it all the time. I decided to put the kibash on it since I didn't want them going home singing those lyrics. It was so stuck that several of them were humming it while they worked. I asked around to see if anyone knew the song and if there were singing it right....it was stuck in my head too.

I just Googled it. It's not "I get coochie, I get bootie" It's I buy Gucci, I buy Prada!! What a mistake they made! I've been laughing me arse off here for a little while! I guess there will be a lesson tomorrow on the real lyrics and I guess I'll go back to allowing them sing that part over and over...

Brilliant work my darlings. This is why I love you so.

Here's a link to the song: HERE.
Tell me they didn't rip of the beat from that 90's song "Tom's Diner" by Suzanne Vega; Check it HERE (I wouldn't have relized it if it wasn't for my addiction to XM Radio and the 90s channel!)

What's more beautiful then a Lily?

After potentially grossing people out with a description of my latest visit to be waxed...I thought I'd share some more interesting (and less gross) news:

I'm an Aunt again!!

My newest niece was born to my brother and sister in law yesterday after only a couple hours of labour (BITCH). She is the beautiful and amazing Lily Elizabeth!
We've been so worried for them and anyone who knows me, knows the "story" but we are so blessed to have her here and that she's healthy and beautiful. Thank you for my niece T and L!!

Here's a picture of the proud aunt (and her forehead...what was I thinking?!) and Lily:

It's not the greatest picture...but you know more will come!!

The other day I went to get my eyebrows waxed.
The lady waxing them was not my usual lady. She seemed nice enough. Until she got close in to apply the wax and do what these sadists normally do. SHE HAD THE WORST BREATH I have ever smelled. I think her teeth were rotting right out of her head, or she ate a pile of cat shit for lunch.
It was awful.
This is not some hole in the ground place I go to either, that perhaps hired some homeless, ex-prostitute to do the waxing. It's a "you pay way to much and why is it necessary to drink mimosas while you get waxed?" kinda place.
I was appalled.
I should of said something, but I ran out of there as fast as I could.

Maybe I should send in a tube of toothpaste or some mouthwash, or even a business card to a dentist. It was downright nasty.

Yup. An esthetician with severe halitosis gets me to blog again. Life has a funny way of working doesn't it?

Resolutions?

I'm so anti-resolutions, but this year I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Yup. Here I am!!

I've made a few promises of change (aka resolutions):
1. Loose weight. Yeah cliche..I know. Since August I've been working out, so I'm continuing with that and looking closer at my diet. I'm considering becoming a vegetarian..at least part time..more part time then already that is! I think posting a picture of me in a bathingsuit on the fridge should do the trick.
2. Get organized. Tackle the basement. Get rid of shit and hopefully make some plans to get that baby finished!
3. Start the process for another baby since the regular method doesn't work well for us. I still have hope and faith, but we need a back up plan! It's just a matter if I can take all the appointments with a toddler in tow, or if we'll foster/adopt? I've been praying a lot about this and hope to have some insight into what is meant to be.
4. Make sure my desk is clean before I leave work. It sounds silly but when 21 6 and 7 year olds are tossing shit on your desk all day it can be a disaster! It drives me insane!

So there I am. Check back with me and see how I'm doing will ya? I need to be accountable?

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas too, since I haven't been around too much!
We survived the holidays and had a blast in the mean time! It was nice to be off for 2 weeks as usual,but it was even nicer to have Mr. Sass home too. We did lots of things (minds out of the gutters people) and spent lots of time as a family.
Mason had a blast at Christmas - but it was mostly the visiting and the seeing lots of people that he gets a kick out of. His idea of opening presents was ripping a bow off! He opened a few gifts but mostly I opened them if they were from someone other then us. He still has about 6-8 of them here but I don't care when he opens them! It will probably be the last year where he doesn't tear into everything in like 20 minutes! He was quite happy with the few toys he opened. He wanted to play with them right away and I loved that. We played all morning!
I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank my younger brother for buying Mason his first drum set. Brilliant! He didn't even have the decency to include some advil! All joking aside, we are having lots of fun with them!
New Years was quiet. We went out for dinner with my family early in the evening and then headed home. Mason went to bed and we watched a movie and had a drink. I actually went to bed around 11:30! Meh.
I hope everyone has a happy healthy new year! All the best for 2010. I'll try not to be so boring!

Time passes so quickly!

I've had so much on my plate lately that it has left little time for anything extra. And when I do have the extra time, sorry to say blog, by Mason gets it.

My baby turned 2.
Can you friggen believe it?! He's two already. Wasn't it just yesterday that I posted his birth announcement? He's growing up right before my eyes.

We had a birthday party for him on the 12th. Lots of people came out and we all had a blast! At one point the kids were all up dancing and soon some of the adults were too. I can't even begin to tell you how much fun we all had, but Mason especially. He got an outdoor playhouse, which is now occupying the living room until the nicer weather. Out with the dining room table, in with the "ding dong house" (it has a door bell so thus he calls it the ding dong house)! The things I don't do for this little monkey!

As you can see in both pictures, Lion (aka "yion" or "yi-yee") is still Mason's best bud. He comes with us everywhere! Thus the Safari theme party we had. I made his cake :) I wasn't too sure what or how I was going to do it, but I wanted to do one without using a cake pan. I was pretty proud of my effort.

A present? Not if you are Mason. This was a springboard for jumping off of. He was having so much fun jumping off of it and crawling all over it that it was almost a shame to open it!

So..that is a very brief update on what has been going on around here!
I'll be back soon...

Happy Birthday My Love

You have given me the best 2 years of my life. I'm so blessed to have you. I'm so thankful that you are my son. You brighten my day every day. I see things differently because I'm experiencing them again through your eyes. You are such a happy, bright little man. I'm so proud of you. I love you with all my heart little goofy. No words can even come close to describing how much I love you.
Happy Birthday Mason.

Thank you.

Sometimes a 6 year old knows best.

I've been testing the reading levels of my grade 1 and 2 students.
I had one little grade 1 girl with me and she was reading a story called "Wake up Father Bear!" The jist of the story is that the mother and baby bear are trying to wake up the father bear, but he won't budge. They finally manage to wake him up.
I know. Thrilling plot line.
Stick with me here.
The students have to answer some questions after and one of them for this particular story was "Why do you think Father bear was teasing mother and baby bear and staying in bed?"
My little gem of a student piped up right away, "Because that lazy bum doesn't want to get out of bed and make breakfast!"

Smart beyond her years I tell ya.

Tea for one...one for tea

Sometimes MOST times a hot tea will fix things. I'm simple like that.
No, not simple in that short bus, window licking kinda way.
I think that a hot cup of tea softens the mood, opens the heart and the mouth and things get accomplished.
A tea mends the heart.
It's my security blanket.
This time, I don't think tea is going to work it's magic. Maybe it's just not knowing what the hell happened. Maybe it's that part of me really doesn't give a damn. Maybe part of me is just so hurt.
I don't know.
So if tea offers comfort then what pray tell offers closure?

Last night Mr. Sass and I are driving into the city for a hot night out with some girlfriends of mine. We are listening to the radio and he's singing along to every song. He suddenly pipes up,

"You know, I don't feel old because they still play all these songs on the radio!"

"Honey, it's a way back play back hour....you old fart."

Lesson learned today: Mr. Sass is old. I AM not.

Change is in the air...

So I've changed things up around here.
What do you think?
I'm not 100% on the name change, but I'm at a loss. I guess all my creative juices have been sucked dry today (oo-er). I'll sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning. Any suggestions are appreciated.
Be honest. Be brutally honest.
I can handle it.

I have a problem...

Seriously.

Any of you who have been hanging around for the last few years know that I have a thing for panties and bras. I know now that it's a borderline addiction.

I cleaned out my drawer of panties and I promise you I'm not exaggerating in the least: I threw out 77 pairs of knickers. Thongs, boy cut, french cut, full backs, lacey, cotton, sequin (don't ask), frilly, fringy, velvet (again - don't ask)...all of them. I must have kept at least double that.

Then it was on to my bras. I'll admit that there aren't quite as many bras as panties, but the gap isn't that big. I tossed over 30 bras and then put a few of my favourites aside. I just can't part with them yet, even though some of them are nothing more then nipple covers.

I accomplished some more space in my drawer, but I can only imagine that it won't be long until I fill it again. The only difference is that my friend S turned me on (oo-er) to proper fitting bras from specialty shops. The girls are much happier since we went for a proper fitting and got some new bras (what can I say? They just aren't the same since having been suckled on, and they much prefer being up where they started as opposed to drooping down to my belly button). The downside is that my drawer will be hosting some quite pricey bras now, so perhaps there won't be quite as many...just more room for panties I guess....or socks. Socks aren't as sexy so I'm open to donations for my new bras...and I'll be happy to post pictures of my sexy new finds ;)

In the meantime, if you are rooting through my garbage looking for something to eat, you'll be sadly disappointed, unless your a knicker sniffer.

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy.

It hurts to know that a friend is hurting and I can't be there to offer my help and my love. I just hope she knows I'm truly there in spirit with her and her family during this difficult time. My nana used to tell me, that the soul does not perish like the body, but like a flower that withers, the seed remains.

Dearest HippyChic,
No words can take away the pain you are in. There aren't enough hugs to make the hurt go away. Know that I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family. My deepest and most sincere condolences.
All my love.
Sass

A few pictures...

It's been awhile since I have posted pictures of Mason. Feast your eyes on this little turkey.
(See how I'm keeping with a Thanksgiving weekend themed entry?? I'm so bloody clever.)

Mason and I chilling out on the beach a couple weekends ago...now it's bloody cold. What happened?!

Mason riding the train at a local "ribfest"...and being silly.

After a haircut.

Again, this is after a haircut. They cut all my baby's hair off.

My big boy running around at the fall fair.

Mason and his daddy at the fair.

Happy Thanksgiving!

To my Canadian friends that is!

I'm thankful for so many things right now, but let's leave it at I'm thankful that one of my best friends still has her father. He had a sudden heart attack and surgery as a result but seems to be doing well.
So thankful, for so many things.

You won't be thankful for these though:

• Why do turkeys go "gobble, gobble"?
  Because they haven't learned good table manners.

• What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?
  Nothing, they're already stuffed.

• Why did the turkey eat his meal so quickly?
  Because he was a gobbler.

• How do you make a turkey float?
  Get two scoops of ice cream,
  add some rootbeer and a turkey.

Ha Ha Ha.

"Look Mom I can Read!!"

So teaching first grade has been different in terms of the children being just at the beginning of their reading career. I encourage them to read anything and see if they can recognize any of the words. They think it's great that I tell them to read cereal boxes, and milk cartons, comic books, and just about whatever comes across their path.

Well that bit me in the ass today.

We were walking to the house of worship (aka church...common people stop snickering. I teach at a Catholic school) for our year's first mass (I know I should be thankful for the simple miracle that I don't combust into flames each time I enter). We have to pass a mini plaza. There is a sign at one of the drive ways that says "ENTER".
Some brilliant soul with a marker wrote underneath "If you lick pussy". I noticed it and snickered.

And then it happened.

I heard one of my kids point out the sign. "That says ENTER"....pause..."If you like pus-y"
I couldn't even turn around. I was snickering uncontrollably. I just let it be. I don't think they realized what they had read.

So there you have it folks..out of the mouth of a first grader "Enter if you like pus-y"

My son blames me for his nipples...

It's true.
He likes to play with the medicine dropper in the bathtub. He pops the soft plastic "squeezer" part of and has one of us stick it to his tummy, his arm, his forehead, etc. Really quite amusing. One day I went for gold and stuck in over one of his nipples. He looked down, popped it off and started rubbing his nipples. Yes, it usually leave a little pink circle for a moment, but this time, I think it actually pulled his nipple a bit (bad mommy..but man was it funny). He was rubbing and he looked up at me with a "how could you" look that broke my heart (okay it didn't break my heart, but it made me quiet down my laughing a tad). Now every time he lifts his shirt he plays with his nipples and says "mommy".
Wow. That's wrong on more then one level isn't it?
I wonder how many more ways I'll warp my child?

Again...yippee..woot...woot...insert concern...

I'm going to be an aunt again! This time, it's my older brother and his fiance.
I'm not going to lie: it was a bit of a shock. They are planning a wedding and BOOM next I know it she's pregnant (the wedding is suppose to be 10-10-10). They called right away (I swear they just put down the stick and called everyone they knew) to share the news. Then a few days later she was scheduled for her first ultrasound and I get another call:
"Sass, call me back as soon as possible. I'm freaking out. I'm a bit further long then they thought."
Last time I talked to her they thought 3-4 weeks.
Ultrasound? 18 weeks.
18 fucking weeks. Brilliant. 4 and a half months along. At least she made it through her first trimester right?
I'm genuinely thrilled. I really am. I can't wait to be an aunt again. It's just hard not to be judgmental. I love my brother and his fiance, but he works odd jobs, she's on "disability" (soaking the system if you ask me). They live in a basement apartment (not idea for a baby!) and blah blah blah..I could go on.
But it won't change anything. The baby is coming. Sooner rather then later.
The biggest thing is that they are partiers. She smokes and drinks like a champ and when she's not drinking alcohol, she's drinking like 6 cans of pop a day. Not healthy. Now given that since she's found out she's pregnant, she's stopped drinking pop (and booze obviously) and cut smoking down, trying to quit and is eating really healthy. That's great. She is so excited to be a mom. I don't blame her. It's the best.
But what about the last 4 months? I was at the cottage with them and we had at least a drink every night. I'm so worried for my niece or nephew. I just hope everything is okay.
Please God, please let my darling niece or nephew be okay. I just want him/her to have the best possible life. It's not going to be easy at it is...so who needs added problems?
I'll do anything.
I'll even stop masturbating.
Now you know I'm serious ;)

I fell in love again today...

Sometimes you wonder if the love has faded in your relationship. Then your significant other says something that just proves how your love has grown and matured with time.

Today, Mr. Sass leaned over and said, "I want to stick my tongue deep in your birth canal"

And I complain he doesn't treat me like a real lady. Pffft.