I went shopping with my mom today. I needed to get a few things for our trip and she provides not only an excellent (and brutally honest...but nice) opinion, but she's a great distraction to the baby while I shop freely. Today was the dreaded bathing suit shopping. My favourite one has a hole in it (nooo not there) and I won't wear it and look like a ditch-pig.
I picked out several suits I liked (and all 50% off no less and headed into the fitting rooms. I found one I really liked but was disappointed that it was mislabeled. The lovely grandma-like sales associate offered her assistance so I asked her to check for my size (mom was in the next department looking at sunglasses: big help). A few moments later the sales associate comes back with a size 22!! SIZE 22!!!!!!

Are you serious? I'm not super skinny by any means, but I don't think I look like I take a size 22. Either she was being mean or she needs a new prescription. So much for feeling good about myself after my recent efforts in trying to eat even healthier and loose 20 by December....

I put my clothes back on and went to check myself. She was surprised to see me exit so quickly with the same suit and asked if I needed anything....
Ummm no thanks. My self-esteem is better off without your help lady.

Hookt on foniks wrket 4 me

I get these emails as part of a Freecycle network where people who are looking for things or looking to get rid of things can go. It's a great way to get rid of stuff or find things you want. It also keeps things out of dumps. I've gotten rid of a few things to people who actually have use for it (one man's junk...). I have even gotten a few things. Didn't know Sassy was eco-friendly now did you? Anyway, you get notice via your email when someone posts something. Yesterday I get a message from a guy I've seen around before. Rest assured this is an adult okay? He's looking for a video game. Here's the message:

pleas im desperit i cant fine the play stashon games eney ware i have
bean to every stor that sells games and no wone hase them

I don't want to judge other people. I'm not even going to offer the suggestion of spellchecker, but as a teacher I am appalled. Where did we fail this guy? I know that are a whole slew of possibilities here to explain his poor spelling and grammar, to say nothing of the total disregard for the conventions of the language...I'm just sad for him.

Maybe I should offer him some tutoring...since I don't have the game he's looking for.

1 week and counting

I'm starting the daunting task of packing for our trip to western Canada.
I'm such a "make a list" girl. I make "to do" lists all the time...and then forget them. I make "to do" lists about "to do" lists for Pete's sake. Back in University my roommate and I had lists all over the place...such eager beavers....(minds out of the gutter boys..and girls).

Anyway, the first thing I did was make a list of what Mason will need and I categorized it, "feeding, bathing, etc etc" Does the word "NERD" come to mind? Yeh.
So I spend a good hour making this list and haven't even started to actually pack anything. I could have probably finished in the hour I was typing things out (not a spreadsheet though..not that big of a nerd).

I have to be honest, I'm scared of flying with the baby. What if he cries? He is into everything and wants so badly to be on the move (he's such a wiggle room) that sitting still or in one place doesn't seem to be on his "to do" list these days. Argh. I'm worried about the time change too and adjusting him to the 2 hours difference. I know it will be okay and we'll survive. I plan to take the bull by the horns...Any advice though?

Grab your earplugs...

I hate singing, unless I'm alone in the car with the tunes cranked. Yet I sing with Mason all day. He loves it. It's different singing with kids. They don't care what you sound like. My students love to sing with me too, but I'm mortified if any of my co-workers hear me. It's a bit different now, because if Mason is fussing in public, I know singing one of our special songs, he'll stop instantly and snuggle into me. At those times, I don't give a flying fuck who hears me, I just want my baby to be happy.
However, lately my confidence in my silly singing with my son has been dashed and I blame the dog:

No sticky fingers here....

I figured I better update, lest someone think I have been checking my email allllll this time and perhaps am suffering from a severe case of carpal tunnel....

I've gotten a few "friendly" reminders to post a picture of Mason's little tooth. These are different from the "reminders" to post nude pictures or video of me enjoying some of the more entertaining email out there.

So here is one of the two:Yeah well...you have to click on it and look really closely....but it's there. I promise.

WOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!!!

I done gotter did!!

New computer and and I didn't even have to whore myself! I just need to get use to using a laptop and this ridiciculous keyboard.
I'll be around to update myself on all the blogs whom I loveth, and to reply to comments...but for now I need to surf for porn...erm...I mean check my email.

My computer is once again effed up. I took it to someone yesterday and was told that it's a no-go for fixing it. Crap.
Now I'm shopping for a new computer. Maybe I can get a good "back to school" deal or something to hold me over until we have more money to invest in a better computer. Mind you, I think Jobthingy once told me it was always okay to whore oneself for a new computer. I'm thinking of that too.
So the short end of it is, I'll be around a bit here and there, but may be MIA for a few days while I shop. I'll catch up on all the blogs that I loveth too.
For now though, I feel the need to sulk. =P

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 comes out this week. My friends and I are planning to go see it together. Touching really. The girls in the movie are close, and like sisters, and so are we. I guess we could draw a lot of parallels between them and us, but that would be kinda gay. When I read the books I just "got them." Having a pair of pants passed around would have been something I would have totally done had I been that clever and had we all been the same size. No amount of magic is going to get the same pair of pants on my ass and that of my friend K. Then I got to thinking, I probably wouldn't have done pants. That's just not how Sass rolls. So I'm suggesting that my friends and I start our own tradition. I propose that we become the Sisterhood of the Travelling Panties (2 "l's" because we are Canadian okay?). We'll follow the same rules though, so no washing of the panties.

We'll just have to include a little penicillin with our package perhaps, and some douche.

Maybe I should go back to the drawing board on this one.....

Hi-Ho The Derry-O...boo hoo hoo.

You know that song "The Farmer in the Dell?"

The farmer takes his wife, the wife takes the child, child takes the nurse and so on. It gets down to the mouse who picks the cheese.

Then the last verse is:

The cheese stands alone.
The cheese stands alone.
Hi-Ho the Derry-o, the cheese stands alone.

It breaks my heart. Poor cheese. All alone.
Today I cried for the cheese.

A Few Updates

It's been kind of busy around here.

We picked up the Escape on Tuesday and it's great. Lovin' it! They did everything we wanted and even a bit more. The funny thing was we picked it up around 6:30pm and Mason was fussing for his dinner/bath/bed. We left the dealership and took the long 2 minute ride home. No joy riding time. Anyways, the asshat from the dealership calls at 9:45 the next morning and asks us how we like our vehicle. Not only did he wake up Mason (he's been sleeping very lightly these days. Argh!), but apparently he checked his commonsense at the door. I responded with "well we haven't even had the car 24 hours. Maybe you could call us back in a week and ask us then?" What did he think we were doing...driving around all night? Sadly, we drove home, parked it and went inside, until the next day.

Mason cut his first tooth on about Friday of last week. It just magically appeared. He hasn't been all that fussy lately. He's been drooling for months and his cheeks were a bit pink at times, but that's it. Let's hope the teething fairy is this nice each time he gets a tooth....

My friend finally had her baby. The 9th visit to the hospital was the charm. It's a GIRL. Knock me over with a feather. And everyone else too. EVERYONE was convinced it was a boy. She's too precious for words. We went to see my friend and baby Isabelle. Here's a pic of the little lady who caused so much drama! She's exercising her little lungs here:

Eat my dust bitch

Today, we pick up our new vehicle. Not technically "new," but new to us! We bought a 2006 Ford Escape Limited. It's totally jammed with everything you could possibly want. All the goodies, and low kms. Beyond all the fun goodies, the best part was the price.
Those who know me, know I love to haggle. I robbed the place where we bought our appliances 2 years ago. This time, I robbed the dealership. Or came pretty damn close to. We did our research. This particular vehicle and it's 'shape' has a black (or is it blue?) book value of $17 995. Their first attempt at selling this vehicle was the ol' "we'll let it go for a total of $21 995 (or somewhere close to that), and that's including taxes."

No thanks. Not near good enough.

They laughed when I said I wanted it for $15 000 all in (taxes included), AND 4 brand new tires AND rust coated (a must in these Canadian parts).
I'll save you the whole onslaught of banter back and forth between the salesman and I and then the sales manager and I (who apparently thought he could deal with this woman better. He lost.). It was rather comical at points though. It helps that I know a lot about cars and love to argue.

I got the damn vehicle for $15 000, and everything else I wanted.

I also got offered a job as a sales person. Seriously. They offered me a job.

Hey..if you have a moment, go HERE and vote for my friend Hippychic's picture. She is an amazing photographer (I'm so jealous of her talent!) and deserves to win! Thanks :)

Oh, and I discovered that if you open the link with a different browser, you can vote twice. hehe

P.S. As per below...still no baby.

This is ridiculous

A good friend of mine is expecting her first child. In fact, the baby was due July 18th. They don't like to let you go more than 1 week over your due date, so the plan was to induce her on Friday (the 25th). She waited all day anxiously to be called in. Around 5pm she went in, got the gel and was sent home (The same process I underwent). To make a very looooooong story short: she's still pregnant. She's gone back and forth from the hospital 8 times now and had 3 rounds of the gel. They don't want to break her water or start pitocin because they are understaffed for nurses until the weekday. She didn't even start having contractions until about 11:30 last night, and then they stopped. She and her husband have been playing countless hours of scrabble in labour and delivery triage. The current news is that she is having contractions again, about 5 minutes apart, but is not effaced or dilating, so she's on her way home. Again. For fucksake. I can't imagine the toll it's taking on her both physically and emotionally. I've been on pins and needles all weekend waiting to rush over and celebrate! I can't take much more!

Could you please send some positive vibes to her, mixed with a little kick in the tiny rear of that baby to be born? Maybe with a collective force, something will happen.
Thanks.

In exactly one month, I'll be headed out West for 2 weeks. I just picked up our tickets.
Oh yeah baby!!
I'm freakin' out about traveling and the time change with the baby, but I'll have to seize the moment and just go with it. We're going to visit family...but I have other plans!

I plan to invade the territory of a certain Mackey!!! If I'm lucky, perhaps Cori will make an appearance too?

Watch out..your town will never be the same..it will be Sassified!! I can't wait!

I've started going to an Aquafit class. I used to go quite often, however since Mason's arrival, I've been slacking. Now there are too many wobbly bits and something needs to be done. It's at a perfect time too: right after Mason goes to bed. So yesterday was my first time at the Wednesday classes. I made a few observations:

1. Most of the people are about my age (late 20s) or really old. I don't know why this surprised me. Maybe it's only been my experience that old people do this. I was pleasantly surprised.

2. There were some seriously large people there. Now I'm not judging. In fact, kudos to them for coming. What got me was, here I am self-conscience of the way I look in a bathing suit and here are these ladies laughing and walking around while waiting for the class to start. Me? I hid under my towel until the last possible moment.

3. However, it was these same ladies who felt free enough to walk around naked in the change room, in no apparent hurry to get dressed, and struck up a conversation with me. Why not during the class?! Why not on the deck before? Why now?! Again, I chose to change in one of the change stalls. I guess I shouldn't fret too much, it's not like I could see their cookie if I wanted to, their gunt was in the way....

4. At one point the instructor had us riding the pool noodles. We had them between our legs and she had us pumping our legs so we'd move backwards. First off, it looked like we all had massive cocks, then when 'pumping' our legs...well it looked rather erotic. I'm sure she did this because it looks so rude and she'd get a laugh. I'd do the same thing.

5. Yours truly broke out into song, when Rod Stewart's "D'ya think I'm sexy" came on. Talk about loonie bin material. One of the male life guards howled and then joined in with me, dancing on his little platform. I figured he was helping me along until the men with the white coats showed up.

6. Why is it always me that is approached by folks who are missing a few bricks from their load? Now if it was after my little song outburst I'd understand, but no. Maybe it's because I'm nice, or they see one of their own, I don't know. But when her first sentence is, "did you know I had tuna for supper tonight?"....

So after all that?
You bet I'm going back.

Thanks for all the anniversary wishes! We had a great weekend...and I maaaay be walking a little funny. It could be from horseback riding, then again maybe it's not. Thanks to Sage for sending some of his girls around too. I've managed to check out some really new and awesome blogs as a result!

So because I feel like there is a lack of anything interesting to write about, I'm going to ask for your help. I'm entering Mason in a contest and I need to send in his picture. I need one that shows some character/personality. Yup. I'm one of those moms. Actually, I'm kinda being brow beatin' into submitting him, but I have rubber arms. So if you could let me know which picture you like the best, it would be much appreciate. And if he loses, I'll blame y'all. Kidding.


Number 1: A little off center. He moved, but I love the smile. It's him in a nutshell. Goofy.

Number 2: You can't really see too much of him, but for some reason I love this picture :)


Number 3: A little man...with the beginning of some jazz hands??

Number 4: Little GQ. Sure, he's not smiling, it's one of the few moments he isn't....
Probably a little to serious for a baby contest eh?


Number 5: See? He's smiling a few seconds later!

Happy Anniversary to meeeee.....

5 years tomorrow!

Five years, many ups and downs (and not all of them in bed), a move, a dog and finally a baby. Not too shabby.
Here's to many more (years and babies).
Slainte!

Hippy's Pumpkin....

Here she is, so plump so round,
The perttiest pumpkin you've ever found.
Look at the girth of this lil' lass,
I'm sure 40" she'll surpass.
A pumpkin of such stature, needs a name,
So says Hippychic's little game.

I say name this lass "Mighty Mabel"
Until she ends up on your table.
She'll be the cutest pumpkin under the sky,
until she makes the sweetest pie ;-)

Is pecan really pronounced "peek-anne" or "peek-on"???

I absolutely can't stand when people say peek-on. It sounds so snobby. So much so that when I was waitressing and someone would order a slice of "peek-on" pie, I'd say "I'm sorry we don't have any, but if you'd like I can bring you out some 'peek-anne' pie?"

Perhaps I'm wrong, but it bothers me just the same, and I refuse to even consider saying it the other way.

Cottage boy

We had an awesome time at the cottage. If you've never been to northern Ontario...then you are missing out! It's so beautiful!
The weather was great. We hung out on the beach and the dock...not to mention the hammock. It was the life. I feel so rejuvenated!
Here's a pic or two until I can muster up something else to post! I'll need your help with something a bit later though...

Mason hanging out on the dock one evening. It's a little overcast at this point, but he was all smiles anyway!

The only bear we did see. He's lucky we didn't see a real one since this was taken the day after he decided to have a 5am party in his crib.

My little beach bum.