My dog is going to die...

My dog is going to die....but the question is will it be by my hands, or by trying to pass what he has eaten? Back up a bit...my dog is a maniac. For a 100 pound Lab. Retriever he has a brain the size of a pea (and that is saying a lot). Sure he will do what you want when you are offering up a treat, and sure he seems to look alert and bright, but I know the truth! He knows a plethera of tricks and is great a protecting me (a little to great at times...sorry once again to the cleaning lady and the repair man..erlack!) Just when things are going well and he's being a good dog something has to happen and the proverbial shit hits the fan (usually this means I am up to my armpits in shit...but we'll see about this time). I went out today to enjoy a relaxing day of visiting and socializing with some girls from work. I took the dog for a nice long walk and then played with him before I left. Cooper (the satan dog) is used to being alone for awhile and for a long time was crate trained. He is now left out to roam parts of the house, with his crate close by as a looming threat "step outta line, I dare you! You'll end up back in here" (For the record though, he loves his crate and often is found lounging in it...so some threat that is). I went out for a couple of hours and when I returned a few strange things presented themselves, warning signs perhaps...
First, Cooper was not jumping at the door to meet me, nor was he in the window...he was lying down on the living room floor, then lazily got up to see me. Second, I went to get a bag from the kitchen for our walk, and I noticed the soup pot lid on the family room floor....hmmmm. WTF? I looked over at the stove and the soup pot was pulled towards the front. I was boiling a turkey carcass to make soup and had pushed the pot to the back to cool before I left. I peered inside and low and behold the big bone was gone! Christ on a bike! I searched high and low around the house for remains of bone or meat...nothing! When I went back to the kitchen I noticed the little rug I have by the sink was marked with wet spots/grease spots, and the kitchen floor was awfully slippery. How could this be? Did Cooper eat the whole carcass, bone and all?! It is nowhere to be found, so I can only assume that he did, unless there is a crazed robber on the loose, breaking into houses to steal soup bones, and leaving the valuables behind. I am anticipating a long night of visits outside...but I guess this too shall pass! Poooot!