booze, a tow truck and some dried apricots

I thought I was well enough to go out last night, even for a little bit. It was a test for me. A little background information: my SO's car blew a head gasket earlier this week. Instead of fixing it like a good mechanic does, he found a different solution. He went to one of his friends and borrowed a tow truck. He can drive it all he wants, just pay for fuel and maybe hook a wreck back to their garage. If you knew how much this would cause me to blow a head gasket (I know I'll get a call when Mel reads this), you would have a better appreciation of the situation to me coming home to a bloody tow truck in my driveway (again). However, I have managed to stay calm and try to see both sides of this situation...I'm rambling on...

So, as a result, we were out in this truck (albeit it a brand new truck, fully loaded, of which I totally appreciated the heated seats last night). We were just going to go for a 'coffee' and to talk. Then it so happened that we ended up visiting with a friend in a nearby town. That's when a call came for a favour. Someone called the SO's friend's shop looking for a tow to Toronto. The call was actually a very decent cash call, so even though I was more than ready to go home, I had to go along for the ride. We arrived to 3 middle aged men at a very posh tavern drunk out of their minds, and still drinking. Nothing wrong with their car, just the drivers. They climbed in the back and away we went.

The drive was nothing but entertainment. Picture 3 middle aged Jewish men (I am going to presume some kind of doctors based on conversations and that this particular tavern is a favourite of doctors) barely able to sit up straight, singing and carrying on. In 45 minutes, they lectured me on how:
* I should have children because in their culture I'd be considered pickled by now
* I should have 2-3 (argument ensues over this) kids and 2 should be boys
* I should be able to smack kids all I want and pull their ears (?!?!) because schools lack discipline.
*That wives are great, because even though you want to kill them you need to keep them around but they didn't actually know for what (brilliant folks...brillant)

The lecture was only one highlight. They sang their little hearts out in Hebrew, babbled on about one thing or another with the occasional English word thrown in, and giggled like school girls. For some people, alcohol makes them affectionate. This held true for two. They smooched and cuddled up to each other. I'm just going to add here that I finally watched Brokeback Mountain earlier in the day, and now I was living brokeback Towing. I think I've seen enough of men kissing for this week thank you.

At one point, they busted out some dried apricots. I hate the smell of these things. They bring back horrible kindergarden memories of being forced to eat them and those dried banana chips at snacktime. All I can say about the damn apricots is they were kind enough to spill them all over the back, under the seat and then leave the bag on the centre console for us when they left. We dropped them off in an exclusive part of the city, watched one piss all over his driveway before stumbling in. The back seat was cleaned of their cans, bottles and apricots, the windows opened to air the sent of booze out, and we headed back.

On the way home, I decided this night needed a theme song (I blame the drugs and apricots for my altered state). I came up with the song:

"Beers, Steers and Queers" by The Revolting Cocks

but decided maybe it should be changed to:

"Booze, Jews and Chews"

I think we can keep the first as a more appropriate theme song for Brokeback Mountain, don't you think? No one asked me though. No one ever does. I think tonight, I am staying in.