My son blames me for his nipples...

It's true.
He likes to play with the medicine dropper in the bathtub. He pops the soft plastic "squeezer" part of and has one of us stick it to his tummy, his arm, his forehead, etc. Really quite amusing. One day I went for gold and stuck in over one of his nipples. He looked down, popped it off and started rubbing his nipples. Yes, it usually leave a little pink circle for a moment, but this time, I think it actually pulled his nipple a bit (bad mommy..but man was it funny). He was rubbing and he looked up at me with a "how could you" look that broke my heart (okay it didn't break my heart, but it made me quiet down my laughing a tad). Now every time he lifts his shirt he plays with his nipples and says "mommy".
Wow. That's wrong on more then one level isn't it?
I wonder how many more ways I'll warp my child?

Again...yippee..woot...woot...insert concern...

I'm going to be an aunt again! This time, it's my older brother and his fiance.
I'm not going to lie: it was a bit of a shock. They are planning a wedding and BOOM next I know it she's pregnant (the wedding is suppose to be 10-10-10). They called right away (I swear they just put down the stick and called everyone they knew) to share the news. Then a few days later she was scheduled for her first ultrasound and I get another call:
"Sass, call me back as soon as possible. I'm freaking out. I'm a bit further long then they thought."
Last time I talked to her they thought 3-4 weeks.
Ultrasound? 18 weeks.
18 fucking weeks. Brilliant. 4 and a half months along. At least she made it through her first trimester right?
I'm genuinely thrilled. I really am. I can't wait to be an aunt again. It's just hard not to be judgmental. I love my brother and his fiance, but he works odd jobs, she's on "disability" (soaking the system if you ask me). They live in a basement apartment (not idea for a baby!) and blah blah blah..I could go on.
But it won't change anything. The baby is coming. Sooner rather then later.
The biggest thing is that they are partiers. She smokes and drinks like a champ and when she's not drinking alcohol, she's drinking like 6 cans of pop a day. Not healthy. Now given that since she's found out she's pregnant, she's stopped drinking pop (and booze obviously) and cut smoking down, trying to quit and is eating really healthy. That's great. She is so excited to be a mom. I don't blame her. It's the best.
But what about the last 4 months? I was at the cottage with them and we had at least a drink every night. I'm so worried for my niece or nephew. I just hope everything is okay.
Please God, please let my darling niece or nephew be okay. I just want him/her to have the best possible life. It's not going to be easy at it is...so who needs added problems?
I'll do anything.
I'll even stop masturbating.
Now you know I'm serious ;)

I fell in love again today...

Sometimes you wonder if the love has faded in your relationship. Then your significant other says something that just proves how your love has grown and matured with time.

Today, Mr. Sass leaned over and said, "I want to stick my tongue deep in your birth canal"

And I complain he doesn't treat me like a real lady. Pffft.

I don't garden.

BUT if I did, I'd for sure grow these babies!!

These are real peppers. They are called Peter Peppers. If you ask me they should be called Peter Peckers. They can grow to be 18" long. WHOA BABY!! I'd like to see you eat it all in one shot.

This is one spicy hot pepper baby!

Jesus. H. Christ.
As Mackey said, it's a little dusty around here. Better pop in eh? I guess I respond to peer pressure too ;)
It's been quiet in Blogland eh? Or is it just me? I really need to change that.
Anyhoo....

Life.
It has been going on. Mason grows like a weed, talks up a storm, runs around like a little mad man, cracking me up everyday. School started on Tuesday and I didn't think it was possible to have my soul sucked from me that quickly. I kid. But wow. I have gone from grade 3, to a 2/3 and now a 1/2 class, but for all intense and purpose, it's a grade one class since I have only 4 grade 2's and 2 of them are on an alternative program so that they can be taught grade 1. I feel sorry for those other 2 kids. Fuck, I feel sorry for myself for having to plan and teach a whole grade 2 program for 2 kids. Oh well. Such is the life of a teacher these days. The grade one is a huge change for me. They are so little and I was SO not used to having to teach them about everything. A simple concept like recess and snack was like a big ordeal and don't even get me started on the whole concept of a desk, sitting at it and what we can put inside it. But man are they cute. I think I'm really going to love it! I was beyond exhausted yesterday night, but my loving husband brought home dinner to save me the trouble :)
Today I got a laugh from one of my little boys. I was greeting them at the door and he stopped and was pouting in front of me. He asked, "But where is Mrs. S...today?" (umm for the dumbasses out there..Mrs. S. would be ME). I realized that I must look pretty different. Yesterday I had my hair bone straight and my contacts in, today it was uber curly and I had my contacts in. I smiled and said, "M, it's me. I'm just wearing glasses today." He wasn't convinced so I took my glasses off and his face lit up and he said "ohhh!!! Hi Mrs. S!!" So fucking cute I could eat him. But I'd loose my job.
I also have one student who I'd like to throw through the wall. No, I'd like to throw his parents through the wall and then toss him and his shit head brother who my friend teaches through after them. They need to lay the smack down and control their kids. He's a pain in the ass. A pain in the ass with a speech impediment too. That makes it a little funny, because a lot of words sounds like "tit"...but really, I feel sorry for the kid, because it's really not ALL his fault that he's a pain in the arse. Oh yeah..and HE was the one last year who was pooing all over the boys bathroom and then smearing it on the walls. Brilliant. He's a poo-artist.
Maybe he thought he as Pablo Poo-casso.
Or that he'd Vincent Van-Gogh-and-then-smear-it-on-the-wall.

What else can I say?
Eat dolphin friendly tuna.

Dear Dad,
It's been 21 years today. 21 long years since you became an angel. My angel. It feels like forever, yet it doesn't feel like that long at all. I was just a kid, but oh how losing you hurt. It still hurts. I feel like I missed out on so much, but also that I was given so much in the 9 years I had you as my dad. We were a team. I knew how special I was to you, and I cherish all those special daddy-daughter times you spent with me. You always made me feel special. You taught me how to be a good parent by always taking the time. You always had time for us. You would have been an awesome papa to Mason, but I know he has a special guardian angel. I know one day we will meet again and I'll feel your strong arms around me and hear you call me "Dolly."
I miss you.
I miss you so much it hurts.
I think of you often and love you always.

You need me? You really need me?

Thatgirl, you are too much, but you inspired me to post none the less!
I've had this picture sitting in my files for a few months now. I came across these little gems in Dollarama (the best place on earth). I did a double take.
Yup.
I saw what I saw.



So I bought one. Okay...I may have bought a few and passed them out at work. Now, ask me where Baby Sass' little wash cloth hangs?
Ohhh it hangs on a rod of sorts....

I've been away at the cottage, but just wanted to say "Happy Anniversary" (6 years!) to Mr. Sass on July 19th. :) Love you babe.

I'm an Aunt!

She's here!
Actually she was born last Thursday, but better late then never!

My beautiful niece: Alison Amy

Mason loved her. I was actually shocked at how interested he is in her. He wants to kiss her and stroke her face. He comes over and just stared at her in such a loving way. He's such a sweetheart, that I'm not going to lie: it brought tears to my eyes.

Here he is: their first meeting. He was so gentle and wanting to kiss her. They are going to have so much fun growing up together.

Just when I need something to perk this place up...Sage shows me this on his blog:

Rules for Isabella Snow's July blog makeover contest! Entering is easy! Just copy and paste this (entire) blurb to your blog (make sure the links still work!) and then email Isabella a link to your blog post. The contest deadline is at midnight GMT July 31. One winner will be selected the following day by a drawing of names; the name will be posted here; and the winner will be emailed, as well. A new, totally original blog will be completed within two weeks of winning. One entry per blog. *Blogger.com customization only*, see the Blogbunnie Blog Design portfolio for layout options.

The ever sexy Autumn won once too! Hers looks excellent as well. Isabella really rocks so you should enter! Or if you don't wanna enter it her up and she will fix you up without the wait!!!


So I may try to do a few changes myself, but you all know that apparently this is one area that I am so fricken limited in...so why not enter and hope that my name is drawn?! Toss this bitch a bone! Have you seen her blog templates? Holy frig. Like Holy fuckity fuck fuck frig! Check them out.
Thanks to everyone who gave me suggestions...save links, change a colour or 2, more boobs...got it. All noted.
On that note, my offspring has decided that napping is for chumps so I am off. Behave.

Fuck - Maybe if I changed things up around this here blog, I'd feel better. It's been like this for years now. You know when you get sick of looking at something, even know you love being there? Then you change the furniture around, hang up a few pictures, maybe slap some paint up, and it's 100% new and exciting again? That's what I need around here.
Any suggestions?

School's Out!

Yippee!! Time to have a life!
More time for Mason.
Yup, even more time for Blogging!

I'm excited. Lots of great things have been happening in this little ol' world of mine. Great new friends, a new niece who is almost here (counting down the days!), and my brother is getting married! I'm so excited. I'm their official wedding planner (God help them..but they value my ideas and creativity...not to mention my stellar planning and organization skills). You may have to put up with endless pictures of my niece, and wedding plan ideas and input..but at least it's something right?

I'm just going to say that sometimes people come into your life for reasons and they impact you in some way, help you grow and learn who you are, etc etc etc (all the gobbly goop). Sometimes they stay and sometimes they leave. I firmly believe that if for some reason someone leaves your life in some manner, another person enters when you need them most, even if it's on a completely different level or relationship. It's hard to explain, but I feel connected to this "new" friend and we've been having a blast for the last 7 months...Mr. Sass and I are trying to convince her to be our wife (my first, his second..lol). Anyway, my guts have never hurt so much from laughing. I just wanted to give a good ol' shout out to her and say that I appreciate her friendship. Bring on the unicycle!

What would be a blog without a picture or two of my little man? Growing like a weed...

Pre-haircut. His hair wasn't as cool as his buddy Braeden's, but he's still a cutie!

At the park on the "weee" (the slide).

What can I say?
My heart hasn't been in it. Besides, how does one top "suck my jiz hole fag?"

School is almost out. 10 more teaching days and then I can be home all summer with my precious boy. I can't wait. July 9th I'll be an Auntie when my new niece is born. I'm looking forward to that. Going away to the cottage...lots of good things.

So yeah..just thought I'd actually post something. Didn't say it would be useful now did I?

ALTHOUGH..come to think of it, I saw the best license plate the other day (okay...like a month ago) and wished beyond anything that I had my camera, but alas I did not. I'm hoping that because I live in a small town, I'll see it again and have my camera.

It read: tih2200 (at least I think those were the letters/numbers) The point is I thought nothing of it until I was backing up and looked in my mirror and saw very clearly what looked like "OOSSHIT!"
Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.

Fun with Phonics returns....

Holy crap.
Time just flies by.
I'm awaiting the end of the school year here...27 more teaching days!! Woot woot!! Then it's the summer.
Right now we are awaiting the birth of one of my best friend's baby. Any day now. I can't wait to have another little baby to cuddle and spoil!

So yeah...here's another attempt at our fridge phonics...hehe

No disrespect meant.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies out there :)

My little man slept in this morning, which was a nice little surprise! However, by 9:00, I was laughing to myself. I had Baby Sass on my hip, the laundry in full swing, and was vacuuming up a storm as Mr. Sass slept. Brilliant eh? Meh..just another day in the Sass household. I didn't mind at all. I've gotten spoiled already and I love my "job" as mommy around here. I wish I could have at least 3 more running around.
I hope all you mommy bloggers out there have a wonderful day. I'm off to read outside!

Baby Sass all spiffed up!
Being a mom is the best isn't it?!?!

Blame the Government

That's my new line around here. That and "fucking government".
Why you ask?
I owe. A lot.
It seems that while I was on maternity leave last year some douche in the EI office didn't take enough taxes off and so now I have to pay them back. Don't get me wrong though. I know how lucky I am to have 1 year of paid mat leave. BUT what I earned had us living below the poverty line and had us dipping in to our savings quite often, to make ends meet. Combine that with Mr. Sass' rough go at work and we are thankful that we came out and are on the up and up. It wasn't MY mistake. Why doesn't this chimp pay for his/her mistake?
We had plans. Now I have payment plans.
We wanted to get a new shed for all Baby Sass' outdoor toys and our patio furniture. That has to wait. "why honey?" Blame the government.
Dog needs a "dog run"...can't afford it now. Blame the government.
Was going to go to Ireland. Fucking Government.
We need to think about getting another newer car. Now this one will have to last a little longer and we pray it holds up. Why? Fucking government.
I was going to save a whole shitload of money by not paying for childcare this summer. Now it all has to go to the government. Fucking Government.

Everything that goes wrong is now the government's fault. It may be juvenile, but it makes me feel better to cuss them out regularly. So join me: FUCKING GOVERNMENT.

I needed some change...

So I bit the bullet.
I cut it all off.
No big deal.
It's only hair.
But I really liked my long hair.
The thing is, it's always been the same. So with a little convincing, I chopped it off. I don't know what it is though: I equate long hair with sexiness. I feel like a kid with short hair. Yet, I love shorter hair on other women, and think they look sexy, just not me. I feel like I'm 12. I won't deny that it's much, much easier now, especially since my hair is naturally very curly. Anyhoo, you be the judge:


You can't really tell in the picture but it's more of a graduated bob. Now I need to get my son a haircut!!

If this isn't foul...I don't know what is

Dude.
Sick, foul, nasty, insane...I don't know what the hell you want to call this, but it's just plain ol' DISGUSTING.

I had Baby Sass running around nude this evening because he has a pretty nasty diaper rash and I wanted him to air out. Sure, he's peed on a few things (stairs, my nightstand, the carpet...) but all is good. He loves being nude. The other day he actually let out a huge fart and when we looked down, he had left a good ol' pile of crap on the tile (thank god it was the tile!). Anyhoo...

He's nudin' around this evening, and I'm snapping a picture or two (his bum is beyond cute!) and I come around the table and notice there is a loaf on the floor. A loaf and a half to be exact. He crapped on the floor (again, thank god it was the tile). That isn't the nasty part though.
You know what is?!
The dog came by and ate the fucking turd.
Oh yes he did. He gobbled up that piece and a half of shit like we never feed the poor buggar and then licked the floor clean after.
Fuck me!
Really?! Yes. This is my reality. My dog ate my son's shit.
What is a girl to do?
....well I told Cooper to go give Mr. Sass a big ol' kiss when he came in from work for one thing...
That's a start.

If your stomach is turning like mine was, then here's a little picture to put a smile on your face:



P.S. You see the dog's snout in the bottom right corner? He's still licking his chops from his fecal feast.....I guess those of you who saw this post before I cropped it can attest to it being there. Thatgirl is right..too many perverts out there ;)

Sugar and Spice and All Things Nice

It's a girl!!!

I'm going to be an auntie in July and it's a girl!!
Alison Amy (or "Alisyn"...spelling to be determined later!).

I can't wait to meet her and hold her and sniff that new baby smell again!
Woot woot!!

It's not so bad...

Thank you to everyone for coming by to wish me a happy 30th birthday. It was so nice to keep getting messages from you wishing me well!!
Thanks for the birthday shout-outs from Mackey and Sage. I quite like the "29 and tax" and the "second anniversary of 29"...not to mention my spanks and big squishy boobie hugs!!

I've been partying it up quite hard. In fact I have woke up in different homes a couple nights, a ditch one night and fucked if I can remember what the hell happened. I haven't been to work in days and am nursing one hell of a hangover.

Right.

Truth? I've been passed out on the couch every night by 9. HA! Living the high life eh? It's been crazy busy at work. I've got a new partner in crime there and man..I though I was wacked?!?! I think I'm in love. Mr. Sass and I are trying to convince her to be our second wife (well my first wife, his second). I have even more of a blast at school...
Anyhoo..thanks for the well wishes.

Oh..did you know that a swan is the only bird with a penis??? Neither did I! I am kind of wondering how the unfortunate ones mate though.