Timbits...I mean tidbits.

I found out my own mother in-law text messages. Still funny. Mostly because his family is Mennonite and most things they do make me laugh. Not very traditional eh?

I'm going to be a bridesmaid again! My friend is getting married this summer after getting engaged Valentine's Day. I can't wait. Time to seriously shed some of these extra pounds. Nothing like a little motivation.

And finally the countdown is on (albeit, not as exciting as Hella's countdown!): March 8th.
Bye Bye Birdies.

Sorry no HNT this week. I'm a brat.

Memes, Timmy's and Birthday Hippos!

I stole this meme from Mackeydoodle-dandy! Each answer can only be 3 words. No more or no less. I mainly decided to do it because there were 33 questions and 33 is my favourite number.

Oh and I'm in a great mood cuz Roll Up The Rim at Timmy's is back..and I won this morning on my first rolly rim this year! What can I say? Small things amuse small minds!

Here goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? Downstairs ringing loudly!

2. Boyfriend/girlfriend? One of each.

3. Hair? Brown, curly, thin.

4. Your mother? I admire her

5. Your father? Miss him lots!

6. Your favorite item(s)? Computer, 'riding' , pineapples

7. Your dream last night? A little explicit.

8. Your favorite drink? Steaming hot tea

9. Your dream guy/girl? Brad-Angelina sandwich.

10. The room you are in? Upstairs office space

11. Your fear? Not having kids.

12. What do you want to be in 10 years? Thin, chasing kids!

13. Who did you hang out with last night? In-laws and husband

14. What are you not? sick, innocent, stupid

15. Are you in love? Sure thing Bob!

16. One of your wish list items? Quarter horse: Giacomo

17. What time is it? Time to ride!!

18. The last thing you did? Little girl's room.

19. What are you wearing? Work clothes still!

20. Your favorite book? Georgia Nicholson Series!

21. The last thing you ate? Soup and Milk

22. Your life? Hectic at times.

23. Your mood? Pretty good considering...

24. Your friends? Hold them close!

25. What are you thinking about right now? Riding ol' Corwhyn.

26. Your car? Silver (bullet) Neon

27. What are you doing at this moment? Freezing ass off.

28. Your summer? Coming up soon!

29. Your relationship status? Not so single!

30. What is on your TV screen? Lots of dust. (for the record..I kid)
31. When is the last time you laughed? Laughed just now.
32. Last time you cried? Yesterday driving home.

33. School? Plenty of it!

OH!! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MACKEY!!
SUCH A HOTTIE FOR 29!!

8398 8447 472669!!

I saw an older lady text messaging today.
It made me laugh.
She then had a conversation with an equally old friend about how her daughter was text messaging her at 4 am.

I was once told that no one over 30 should text message. Bite me. Yet, I find the idea of a woman of about 60 texting funny. And strange. Why?

Hmmm is "texting" a real word?


Oh and if you haven't taken this quiz yet: DO IT.

Hella makes me swear.

If you head on over to Hella's blog, you can read about how foul mouthed we are. She got a kick out of my attempt not to swear (as one of my "I'm a good Catholic girl Lent promises"). First off, I swear (hehe) that I've been doing really, really, really good. That is until I meet up with her. Within 5 seconds the barrage of cuss words and dirty insults start. I can't help it. It makes her laugh and we go off into hysterics. I know. I know. Grow up Sassy. I even managed to asked our waiter if he'd tea bag me...but she does a better job of explaining that one...
We had a great time at the car show, and I got to drool over the cars I love best. It was nice to catch up with her in person (in between cuss words of course) as always.

On that note: I stole this idea from a few people. Take this quiz. See how well you know me. I don't think it's very hard ;-)

So far a lazy Saturday morning.
Later, we are meeting up with Hella to go to the auto show. After listening to her bitch and moan about not being able to go last night, we decided to go today so she can join us. It was never an issue, but man did she moan!! I'll change plans if it means we can spend some time together! It will be the last chance we have before she heads off to Cali! Besides, it's a time to catch up, get up to no good, and team up on Mr. Sass!

On that note, I too have bitten the "Visual DNA" bullet. Here's mine:

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

A Haiku fo the freezing astmatic car crazy bitch that is Sassy.

Weather's up and down,
Warmer temps, then frigid cold,
Havoc on asthma.

Despite my fatigue,
I'm hitting the auto show,
Hope Hella will come.

Wish I had the cash,
for a new pimped out beamer,
Not asking for much!

A little pink HNT..part 2.

Since I had a few extra pictures from last week, I thought I'd begin to use them up. A different angle this week. Truth be told I was pulling on the strings to keep myself from busting out!


Short and sweet this week.

Happy HNT!

Kiss my Ash

Ash Wednesday.
I have an ash cross on my forehead, and it's been there since about 11:00. Coincidentally, I got it right after my colleague and I busted a kid for whipping his schlong out during the liturgy with the priest present. Dude, you're not suppose to whip it out, he is. Or in the very least, he'll ask you first.
Kids these days.

I also forget that I live with a non-Catholic husband and his equally non-Catholic parents: Oh so confused as to why I have 'some black shit' (that was a quote from my FIL) on my head. I explained it to them yesterday, but it seems Alzheimer's is kicking in. Oh well.
Tomorrow is a new day.

****Side-note-question-type-thingy: I am trying not to swear so much (!!!), but it typing it the same as saying it? If it is, I've blown it twice today already. On the bright side, I've been quoted as saying "dang nabbit, " "sweet home Alabama," and "Jimminy Cricket crotch!"...Lord help me. I'm sure I'll come up with something better soon....

Pancakes are the devil part 2

As promised I made pancakes for 40 kids today. My teaching partner preferred to take on the task of supervising the kids watching a (very *ahem* educational) movie while I cooked. She was dynamite at handing the plates out too. She got the occasional laugh when I realized I was actually singing aloud to the songs in my head (songs - not voices. Big difference) and dancing while I flipped and poured. Breakfast and entertainment I guess!

Truth be told, I don't really like pancakes. Once and awhile I'll have 1 or 2 but then I don't wish to see or smell them again for a loooong time (unless it's crepes and there is fresh fruit, then I'm game). But, being the excellent Catholic that I am, we always celebrate Shrove Tuesday proper. I also have to begin the debate as to what I'm going to give up (or do) for Lent, as it starts tomorrow with Ash Wednesday.
Last year's choices were ace, so I'm going to have to top that to get in JC's good books for all my wrong doings. This is what I've come up with (Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone):

• Stick with giving up anal sex and smoking (I've had success with this, so why change?).
• Stop masturbating in the car on the drive home.
• Smoking pot at work.
• Stop watching porn at work.
• Start douching regularly.
• Limit my use of profanities - yeh fucking right. I'm not that good.
• Limit my use of the words: douche bag, slag whore, and cunt face.
• Pay attention in church and stop picturing the parishioners naked.

I'm probably going to hell with that list alone, but as Hella as stated many times before, "going to hell?! You are driving the bus there my dear, and I'm riding shotgun!"

Honestly, I think it would just be easier to give up all things in the junk food food group.
That's what I'll do.
I think ol' buddy Christ will be content with that.

Fat Tuesday/Pancake Tuesday,/Shrove Tuesday...whatever the heck you want to call it....

Tomorrow is Fat Tuesday.
Everyday is Fat Tuesday for me.
Bleh.

There is such a satisfaction of having a clean house. Lately, it's been hard to keep the house as clean as I'd like to, having all these animals around (I'm not referring to my in laws!). The birds create more mess then my nerves can take, so it's nice to finally have things in order.
It will only last a few hours.
If that.
It's amazing how quickly after I clean something, it's a mess again. It must be Murphy's law that one will only spill on a freshly scrubbed floor. For now, all the bathrooms are tip top, the carpets have been aired/vacuumed, the floors are washed, the laundry done, the kitchen cleaned, the fridge cleaned out and up, and the whole house dusted.
This Cinderella is going to chill.

I've been elected,
bird sitter extraordinaire,
the damn thing bit me!

Car was in shambles,
dirty from snow, slush and salt,
2 hours: it's clean!

Missing my best friend,
shit a kitten: found old one
high school reunion?

Valentine HNT... a little pink in your day.

A Valentine's day themed HNT. Obvi. So although, I'm not a huge fan of the day, I can appreciate the things we do for love. I can also appreciate the things we do to get the attention of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on which way you prefer). I can also appreciate soft fabrics and the colour pink! Especially on a day where red seems to take over, it's nice to have a little pink (insert dirty comments here!).


Of the 50 odd pictures that were taken tonight, I managed to get a few that I actually liked and am willing to post. Since there is only 1 posted tonight, I figure I'll save the rest of this Sassy girl in lingerie for other weeks. I tried a collage, but I'm having some problems getting it to load properly. Hmmph!

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's mighty cold and snowy outside and I'm off to find some way to keep warm....

Happy HNT!

Ho hum pigs bum and all that mushy stuff too

A Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

Although, I'm not necessarily a huge fan of this day, I do wish that everyone knows true love at some point in their life. I'm going to try not to sound bitter or rude, but I must say the following.
Mr. Sass gets off easy. I don't want anything from him today. I'm serious. I don't want something that states or signifies his love for me today, because society tells him he must. Don't waste the money or the time. Do something for me any other day and it will mean so much more. Last night, he came to the barn to see me ride. I looked up and there he was at the arena door watching. He never comes. Riding is my thing. He just has to suffer through hours upon hours of stories, pictures, and whatever else I am rambling on about horse wise. That was better than any card or flowers. It made my night that he wanted to come and see me doing my thing. I'm easy to please. Mind you, I'd like flowers or a card once in awhile (I'm being a tad bit whiny there). So, if Valentine's Day is your thing, enjoy it. I wish you the best. Go on, be with your sweetheart....what are you doing reading this?

Oh by the way: Congratulations to one of my best friends Julie on her engagement!! I'm so excited and happy for you! I guess our little group didn't scare Justin off eh? He's one of us for sure....looking forward to the 'big' day!

Just Because Shora Asked...

Just because Shora asked so nicely to see my chocolate poon.

I took a picture of it. No, not my girly bits, the ones I bought yesterday. And the Penis too, because that's not so girly. The picture quality isn't so great, but you get the idea:

The gift I'm putting together...I just need to add in the "aroma therapy" for men part (a gift certificate for some meat). Lucky guy. Not.

Although this picture is a little dark, you can see the detail of the labia. That's what I look for when purchasing such items. Look honey THAT's where the clit is!

I hope he enjoys being sassed.

Happy Valentine's Day to Everyone!

A Quest for Chocolate Poon

All I wanted was a chocolate vagina for a male friend at work. A little Valentine's gag gift. Is that so much to ask?

Apparently it is.

The sex shop here was closed and it was only 7:15. In this one horse town, there doesn't seem to be a need for sex shops to open much past 5:00. I guess that's why most farmers and rednecks around here have at least a couple of sheep? Normal people would leave it for another day, or perhaps leave it all together.
I am not normal.
We decided to head into the 'city' knowing that the store would be open until at least eight. Hell bent for leather, we raced there and made it on time.

Success! I know am the proud owner of a white chocolate vagina, a dark chocolate penis (hey, it was bigger!) and even a nice set of chocolate titties.

I can sleep happily tonight, knowing that someone will be victim to my sick mind and perverted ways in 2 days time.

I kind of like when the weekend seems to last forever. I can't say I've done anything to exciting, except for meet up with my cousin today. We grew up together and saw each other every day. Then I went to University and her parents moved to another city and we didn't get as many opportunities to see each other. She ended up at the same University as me (a fine choice!), but having different friends and majors we only occasionally saw each other. Catching up with her today made me miss all the things we used to do. We laughed at how old we are getting, reminiscing at some of the people we used to know and the things we did. I admire her for who she's become and how creative she is. I just miss her to bits too! (So, if you read this Cher, I love you!...in the most non-incestuous, non-lesbian way).

On that note, I also got my eyebrows waxed today (big whoop, but there is a point). The lady that usually does them is away and this girl was taking her place. I should have said I'd come back another time, but I really needed to deal with the effects of the orangutan eyebrow gene I've been blessed with. She looked like hell and had blisters all over her lips (herpes perhaps?). Mid-wax she sneezed. She only slightly turned her head and the effects could be felt if you know what I mean. The constant sniffing of snot was driving me over the edge. How rude! Blech! When I left, I went to wash my face. I will not be getting sick from this thank you very much.
Just thought I'd share that.

Haiku Friday

Do you feel better
now that I feel an inch tall?
You can be so cruel.

Hamolka's a mom
that's what makes life so unfair.
Help me understand.

Ass' been beaten red,
Hand prints on my big ol' cheek
Payback's a real bitch.

Baby Sass

Guess who?
This is wee baby Sass.
Is it vain of me to say that I love this picture of me? Probably, but I don't give a crap.
I guess it's going to be in lieu of an HNT shot this week. I didn't get my act together in time. I've been good so far this year...so I'll be back next week!
I still have the chubby legs and my shirt is always on it's way off...some things never change!

And just for some fun:

I've teefed this from Mackey and Hella. I needed something that didn't require too much work as I am falling asleep here. I feeling a bit lazy today!

10 Firsts

1. First Best Friend: My friend Mare. We've known each other since birth. We don't get a lot of time together anymore, but I value her friendship still!
2. First Car: A Chevette. The epitome of university life. It got us around!
3. First Love: Horses...um guy wise? I married him. The other 'loves' I was just delusional.
4. First Vacation: P.E.I when I was about 12. That was the first big one anyway. We did lots of camping and such.
5. First Job: Babysitter. First 'real job' was the Bagel Stop.
6. First Piercing: My ear lobes. Dad took me :)
7. First Concert: Whitney Houston with my Mom. Circa 1987 ish. Before her crack days.
8. First Record/CD bought: Madonna: True Blue..or was it The Bangles: Manic Monday?
9. First Real Love: Mr. Sass
10. First Screen Name: Just Sassy.

9 Latest

1. Latest Alcoholic Beverage: Guinness beer
2. Latest Car Ride: Tonight coming home from a work out of sorts.
3. Latest Movie Watched: Ricky Bobby Talladega Nights (Yes Hella, I fell asleep. Why do you even bother asking?)
4. Latest Phone Call Made: A friend called earlier...but the last call I made was to my mom last night to help her with school. Bonus daughter points :)
5. Latest Jacuzzi Bath: Honestly can't remember. THAT'S a problem!
6. Latest CD Played: Shinedown. I was back to listening to Shed Some Light on repeat.
7. Latest Time You Cried: Last week...oh say about Wednesday. All day off and on. I was having a babyish moment I guess.
8. Latest Meal: Salad with some fish and veggies. MIL can cook!
9. Latest Curse: Holy shit I can't remember what I've sworn about today! I've made a conscious effort not to swear as much.

8 Have You Ever

1. Dated on of your best friends: Yes. Twice. Both times it ruined the friendship.
2. Been Arrested: No
3. Fallen in love at first sight: Don't think so.
4. Been in a T.V. program: No
5. Had your heart broken: Yes
6. Said you love someone without meaning it: No.
7. Made a prank phone call: Yes. I love to prank call K with Hannibal voices.
8. Shoplifted anything: Yes years ago. I took a Tiffany poster. I felt awful about it for days!

7 Things You Wear

1. Contacts
2. Riding helmet (not all the time you fools!). Safety first!
3. My black boots. They go with everything!
4. Warm clothes!
5. A smile.
6. Jeans
7. Usually some sassy panties/bra...

6 Things You've Done Today

1. Walked the dog in frigid temperatures
2. Worked out in several ways ;-)
3. Told my co-worker she looked like hell...and survived the duffing up I got.
4. Laughed through the insanity of my life.
5. Sang really loud in the car
6. Had a brainwave of an idea.

5 Favorite Things

1. Affection of any sort. Hugs, kisses and sex.
2. Horses/riding. It's worse then a heroin addiction.
3. Pineapple
4. Purple
5. Music!

4 People I Can Tell Anything

1. Hella
2. Two of my co-workers (Hella and these two have been with me through thick and thin, and I appreciate it more than they ever will know).
3. Mr. Sass
4. My girls from Uni.

3 Choices

1. Black or White? Black
2. Summer or Winter? Summer
3. Chocolate or Chips? Chocolate

2 Things To Do Before You Die

1. Go to Ireland/Scotland/England
2. Have a family of my own.

1 Thing You Regret

1. Dating the much older guy. I'm not saying anymore. Other than that..no regrets. So far.

The Short and Curly of it all...

Who was it talking about a blood spot on the toilet all day at their workplace?
I can't remember. Sorry. It stuck with me though (a lovely mental image by the way).
I admit that takes the (cherry) cake with sickness. I can't believe people don't notice a pimento type stain on the seat before they leave and can't have the common courtesy to wipe it up. Nothing like leaving a little uterine lining on the seat for the next visitor.

However, something irks me just the same. It's not too often that I've been witness to the above, but I have been witnessed to the following more often then I care to count: Pubes on the seat.

Can't someone clean up before they leave? This is one (of many) reasons I try to avoid public bathrooms all together. I will hold it all day, until my back teeth are floating if I have to. I know this isn't good for the bladder, which is why I've also mastered the "hovering" technique for those really sketchy bathrooms in emergency situations. The work place bathroom has been deemed acceptable, but Porta-potties are a definite no-no. I'd rather squat in a bush.
I digress though.
I just hate walking in and there is a hair on the seat. What's more is when it's about 5cm long (that's 2 inches my American chums). I get visions of those nasty 70's porn bushes...mini crotch afros. I have a hint for these people: SHAVE it down. Trim it back (boys - it will make things look larger, and for both sexes: I'm sure it increases the chances of gettin' a little play down there without your partner hacking up a hair ball later). Not only do I not want to see your stay hairs, I doubly don't want to see them if they are that long. I can only imagine what tiny crab or critter has built it's nest in your short and curly.

We need more bathroom etiquette folks!
Man I'm bitchy today. Maybe I shouldn't have gone down this road.....