What do you say? What do you say to someone who just doesn't seem to get it? To someone who is being manipulated and used? To someone who deserves better but refuses to see that she does?
I don't know what to do anymore.
This person has always been used by people. Low self confidence if you ask me. I'm no Dr. Phil, but I'm not stupid either. Her last relationship was with a crackhead. She lived with him and his crack addicted friend, and didn't find out until later (and after living with him for over 2 months) that her own boyfriend is an addict. They abused her emotionally and used her for money, rides, food, and God knows what else. She finally leaves. Only to meet another boyfriend through an Internet dating sight. She meets him after only talking to him a couple of times. Declares her love for him. I think she is so desperate for someone to love her, that she looks past obvious faults and warning signs. In less than 2 weeks she moves in with him and his mother in a trailer park. He buys her a dog. He's been to jail many times, has 2 kids, and the mother of these kids lives with his dad in another trailer. He doesn't drive because he's lost his license to many times for DUI. He's stole her car one night with some girl, and then brought it back, stripped of it's high-end stereo and speakers. Her bank account was drained and her credit card has a balance no one is sure of. He says he'll pay for things, and then makes her pay. She's almost lost her job because she is with him, or driving him to work. She wants to be super skinny like the kids mom, so she's starving herself. She sits at my kitchen table and finally cries. She says she's done with him, but does want her stuff back. I say cut your losses and move on. Focus on you for awhile. You don't need trash like him. She cries saying it's over.
He calls.
She leaves. Says every person deserves a second chance. Gets mad that we argue otherwise. He's a loser and sees easy prey. She's with him now.
What do I say to make her realize she deserves better? To expect and demand to be treated well, or you don't need the jerk. Love yourself first.
What do I say to her to make her see?
Is there anything to say?
**HNT Below**
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16 comments:
Unfortunately until somebody realizes themselves that something is bad for them (their habits, their opinion of themself, their choice of signifigant others) telling them will not get it through their head.
Poor dear. I hope she figures it out.
But don't give up on trying to build her up so she can become strong and make the right decisions.
Sadly some people don't get it honey. It is hard because I know who you are speaking of and I know that seeing this up close and personal must be hard.
I know this must eat you up out of frustration....but sometimes you have to let them go through this and if it keeps happening, maybe its time to just say "You know my opinion already"
I do agree with Binsk, all you can do is try to build her up....but I can imagine sometimes that must get a little tiring too.
I loves ya and if you wanna chat....give me a call!
Only she can change her self destructive ways.
You can try to make her see the light but she just thinks "you don't understand." She thinks nobody understands.
It's hard...I know.
((((hugs)))) to you.
She has to see the light herself!
I AGREE WITH NEVEREZME FULLY! I HAVE BEEN THEIR WITH BECK A LONG LONG TIME AGO AND IT KILLED ME BUT SHE DID IT HERSELF AFTER WHAT SEEMED LIKE FOREVER. PRAYING FOR YOU AND HER!
I've been on both sides... it sucks either way. At one point as the friend watching the situation, I had to remove myself from it. There is after all, only so many times you can listen to yer girlfriend bitch about her man stealing her rent money before it becomes obvious she won't change it until SHE has had enough. May she get a grip quickly....
Thank you girls..I know I can't butt in or slap her like I want to (at times) it just kills me, and it's causing problems in the family (it's the SIL).
Ooooo....SIL....that makes things much more complicated, doesn't it?
You can't help people that don't want to be helped. Sometimes it's best to just walk away from your friend and her problems no matter how cruel it seems. When she realizes she's pushed everyone away she'll realize she needs to turn shit around.
You're a good friend for caring so much, though. She's lucky to have you.
Mackey - yeh it does. It's causing stress and grief amonst everyone. It's sad, because I don't want her to get hurt again, but she's being so stupid!!
Randi - Thanks. I guess I'll just be there when things go sour again. And they will I'm sure.
You are in a tough spot, but I assume that the rest of the family sees things the way you do? Perhaps (and I hate to use the term, but for lack of a better one) an intervention of sorts is in order. But a kinder and gentler one, where people tell her how much they love her, and support her. They could also ask her what she would think if she were the friend watching someone she loved in a destructive relationship.
I hope she comes to see the light by some means.
sass
some will never get it. It has to be something from their past or something that makes them make bad decisions consistantly.
Here is the question I always ask folks when they come to me with a problem and I try to help them.
What if I came to you with the same problem? What would your advice to me be?
Then pull ur lil fuckin panties up and do it!
js
anyone wanna play doctor with me??hehe
G-man - I hope you are right. Whenever her parents try anything of the sort like you suggested she freaks out big time and it turns ugly. I really don't know....
Dr. Jsull - Of course we'll play doctor with you! hehe
yeeeeeeeeeeee haaawwwwwwwwwww
i was hopin ud say that!
Lots of sound advice here. Tough to watch, I know. Hope she turns things around for herself. Randi's right, your sil has got a great friend in you.
(btw... beautifully written post hon. xo)
What a sad situation, and it sucks. I was thinking of the TV show Intervention; not so much for herself, but it's kind of nice to see how the family of those with destructive tendencies should act. Being a family member makes it sucky, as you're kinda trapped witnessing what's going on, and might as well knock your head against a wall until she's ready to change. Hopefully she figures it out soon, it sounds like she's getting put through the wringer.
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