My mom's ex-boyfriend stalks her.

Not in a "I'm going to kidnap you, take you away and make you love me...or I'll kill you" way. At least I don't think so (that kind of drama was for her best friend. No jokes. The guy is in jail now.). He's not the type, but then again what is that type? and do you ever really know? Anyway, she finds it funny.
I first found out because we saw his truck one day on the same road. He was heading to the mall and my mom decided that she no longer wanted to go there. She then explained that he'd find her and we'd be stuck and that would fuel him to seek her attention even more then he already does. He constantly drops flowers and her favourite chocolates off to work for her, even when she's not there. He'll leave them with some creepy message with the girl working. She gives the chocolates away and throws the flowers in the garbage. Originally she didn't tell anyone, but since he's always popping in to her place of work, she told someone. He drives by the house randomly and he'll call (thank God for call display) too.

I can see why he likes my mom, she's awesome, but get a clue buddy. He clearly has too much time on his hands and needs to get a life.

He creeped me out a long time ago when we were at the cottage and Mr. Sass caught him nonchalantly peeping in on me while I was changing. That should tip you off right there eh? Pervert.

Happy Easter!!!

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Easter. Check out my little bunny:

Why did I get the crazy lady for a mom?

And of course a picture of Cooper...poor dog. At least he has someone else now who gets tortured with him!

It's the first day of spring and Mother nature forgot to turn on the heat damn it!

I'm recycling an old Easter picture for this Holy season. Baby Jesus would be so proud.

I've been baking....

Probably not a good sign eh?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I really toyed with the idea of painting Mason green, but decided the hassle I'd probably get from Children's Services wasn't worth it. About 3 years ago (maybe 4) I bought this onesie. It was too cute to pass up and I hoped one day I'd have a baby to wear it. Who knew it would be a perfect fit for St. Patrick's day?! Too bad he resembles more of his daddy's side then his mommy's pasty white Irish side! Oh well, he's one little leprechaun I love who has brought me the best kind of riches out there!
Last year for this holiday I got waaaay to drunk with Hella and Binsk and then at some point got myself pregnant. This year it will be green punch and abstinence thank you very much!

I leave you with some Irish blessings and sayings:

My grandparents always said this one to us:

May your blessings outnumber
The Shamrocks that grow.
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
**Then my grandfather would add in "and may you spend half an hour in heaven before the devil knows your dead!"

This one is for Hella and Binsk. The best drinking buddies ever!

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

Have a good one friends!
Slainte!

Opps...my bad!

It's not joking how cold and snowy it can get around these parts. My husband "Mr. Sass" as I like to call him, keeps his hair pretty short, but lets it get a bit longer in the winter to keep his melon warm (like me and my leg hair). When he starts to look like a Q-tip, I make some comment and he pulls out the buzzer. The other night, said comment arose and he started to shave his head. He usually shaves something into his head so he looks like a window licker and then lets me finish it off and make sure everything is even (except for the times I'm pissed off with him and leave a hairy patch at the back for a few days). Anyways, I was busy feeding Mason and told him he'd have to wait a minute. When I was done I went up to the bathroom. As I was coming in the room the phone rang. It was my mom. Mr. Sass is mouthing to me that he can wait, to go and talk to her. However, with the phone cradled on my shoulder I tell him "I can do more than one thing at once you know!"
Famous last words.
I neglected to notice that he took the guard off. He had handed me the buzzer and turned around (like he ALWAYS does. I ALWAYS go over his head first then trim up his neck without the guard!). While chatting with mom, I started to run the buzzer up his head. He whipped around and in his best...ummm...black diva voice he says, "Oh no you juss di'int!"
Oh yes I just did.
I shaved him down to his skin. I nearly peed my pants laughing. Apparently I can't shave heads and talk on the phone at the same time without effin up.

A rare Mr. Sass sighting..see how impressed he is? A look I am sadly familiar with.

Good thing we have a lot of toques.

Stuffed and Starved

This morning I had the tv on to "Breakfast Television" and they had the author Raj Patel on. He wrote this book called Stuffed and Starved which looks at the absurdities in the world's food systems. Just look at how many people are so overweight in contrast to how many people are starving. A fact that really makes you think and made me shudder. It really is sad. I found it interesting that Ben and Jerrys ice cream also owns Slim Fast, and Nestle also owns Jenny Craig. Seems like they get your money getting you fat and then get your money again getting you slim again. Before anyone jumps down my throat, I'm well aware (all to aware...) that they are not personally standing there shoving ice cream and treats down our throats while we object. We all make our own nutritional choices whether they be bad or good. I just found a little humor (should I be laughing at this?) in the irony of these businesses. Raj also mentioned that the "golden arches" are far more known then the Catholic cross (unless of course you live in Canada, then it would be the Tim Hortons sign that is far more recognized!). I really can't comment or say too much more until I read the book, but it did remind me of a time in highschool where a bunch of us hooligans plastered Whopper wrappers from Burger King all over the front window of Jenny Craig. tst tst.
Hella were you apart of this? Or were you in hiding during a game of CB tag?

Ok Randi, no more testicles. A new post, however pointless it may turn out to be.

The fact of the matter is I hate black pens. Now don't go and get your knickers in a knot, I'm not a racist (I have a coloured tv). I won't not write with a black pen, but I do try to avoid it. I find I write a whole lot messier with black ink...and I blame the pen. I need a nice blue pen that writes with a thicker line. The ideal pen? The Medium Patermate Flexgrip Ultra Ballpoint Pen.
I won't even bother going into the fact that I'll steal a nice blue pen if I come across it. Rather, I take it and leave behind a black one that I hate.
I know. I have issues.

Do your balls hang low??

I need your help. Well..the help of the men out there, or some women who are willing to quiz their loved ones.

Mr. Sass decided to tell me that one of a man's testicles hangs a little lower then the other and that apparently correlates to what their dominant hand is. For example, if a man's right nut hangs lower then he is left handed, and visa versa. I'll say that it holds true in this house. I need to know if it's really true or if he's pulling my chain. Again.

Could you kindly do a little research for me?

This guy is clearly right handed if this holds true...

There's something wrong with this town....

Someone is always messing with the signs in this town. I've learned to always have my camera handy. I don't know how they got to this sign, unless it was the massive piles of snow around here, but I do know one thing: My momma ain't that cheap!

Happy Leap Year!

I couldn't let today go by without making a post..just because it's a leap year. That's the only novelty in it: to see the date say "February 29." Oddly enough, when I scan the mouse over the time/date on my computer, nothing comes up. I wonder why that is? Perhaps it just means my computer is going to blow up, or it's the end of the world. Meh.

As history tells it, St. Patrick would only allow women to propose to men on this day. Every other day of every other year, the men had to do it. This is where the idea of "Sadie Hawkins" day came about. That's about it for the history lesson. If you want more you can Google it, I'm busy.
I put this little picture up just because I call Mason "Goofy"..long story, but it reminds me of him :)

Celebrate!

It's Mackey's Birthday!

Dear Mackey,

In ancient times when someone special had a birthday, it was customary to make a virgin sacrifice. I'd love to do that for you, but I'm really sorry that I can't. I've already sacrificed my virginity to one of the lesser Gods.

Happy Birthday anyway!

Love, Sass

I've been making a mental list of things I want to do (I guess once I write them out, they are no longer mental right?). Nothing major, but they are for me.

1. Lasik eye surgery. I wan to be done with glasses contacts!! Actually, very few people have seen me in my goggles, but I can't be without my contacts. Such a pain in the ass.

2. Get a proper bra fitting. This will have to be done once I'm done feeding my child... The girls must be lifted and separated or I fear I might accidentally sit on one of them one day.

3. Get my teeth whitened. I don't think they are that bad. I don't smoke or drink coffee, but I do drink tea. Besides, a whiter, brighter smile makes you look younger (can you tell I watch a lot of those makeover shows?).

4. Change my hair. It's long. It's thin-ish. It's curly. I need a change. I just don't know what yet. I still want some length and maybe I should colour these virgin locks. I'm sick of pulling it back while I'm at home. There is just too much of it to deal with.

So yeah..that's it. My list. 3 of the 4 are easily doable...just when I don't know.

******
Random Mason shots:

He discovered his hands a couple weeks ago. They fascinate him to no end. He stares at them for 15 minutes at a time.

Smile!

Only from Exile...

Uncle Exile came by to see Mason just before the new year. He came bearing a gift. Knowing Exile, I was a little worried as to what it may be...

Don't let the crying fool you...he means it. Brin' it!

Thanks Ex! We love it!! The perfect amount of sass for Baby Sass.

We've hit a new low around here

When we moved into this house we banished the dog to eat in the garage. He had started to drag his kibble around the house which was driving me to drink. So off into the garage he went where he could make a mess if he wanted and I could care less. The other night we let him into the garage at about 6:00 to eat his dinner. At 9:00 I heard him crunching away on something in the kitchen. To our shock and complete horror the damn dog had puked up his dinner (from 3 hours ago) and was re-eating it 'with the family.' Sick.

I did note a few things though:
1. He really doesn't chew his food.
2. Why was the food still crunchy after 3 hours in the stomach?
3. I knew where the left over carrots from dinner went.

I almost stopped him from eating it, but it occurred to me that I'd just have to clean it up...so he finished as I gagged watching him...then I cleaned the floor. I clean enough puke around here I don't need to add dog puke to the list.

Oh happy day...erm... night

He slept from 9pm until 6am.
Oh happy am I!
Now sweetie, let's do this every night okay?

This one's for G-man!

Just because awhile ago G-man had mentioned something about a Metallica onsie when I had posted a picture of Mason with a mohawk. This was actually a gift from Auntie Hella. He finally fits in it...he weighs a whopping 11.2 lbs now!
Check it out:


Here's another one...it cracks me up. He's too cute. This is from Binsk:


Please note that the gift from EXILE deserves it's own post and picture spot..so stay tuned. I also need some time to get it off the camera.....it's a doozy!

Update :)

First, thanks to everyone who kept checking back, sent me hugs, called or emailed me or even just thought of us.
Mason is doing great. We went to see the pediatric cardiologist on Thursday. He did a bunch of tests and ultrasounds. He has a physiological heart murmur. Bottom line is it's not serious at all. It's a result of a valve not closing completely in his transition from being in-utero to being in the 'real' world. I could go into all the medical mumble jumble to explain it, but what's the point? He should outgrow it. We have to go back in 2 years to be checked out again. It seems so far away, but I'm sure it will fly by.
Tomorrow he goes to the family doctor to check up on his weight. Which is fine. Thanks you Cori for the wonderful websites and support you offered. It really helped. I guess I was just a little overwhelmed with everything.

Oh happy day!

Someone tell me it's ok?

We had our 6 week check-up at the doctor today. I didn't think anything was wrong what-so-ever with little Mason, but evidently there is. You know I hate that they tell you these things and then say "oh, but don't worry." Right. Mason is everything to me and I don't know what I'd do if something was wrong (frig, I admit that I cried when they took his blood...)

You see, apparently Mason should be somewhere around the 11 pound mark by now and he's only 8.9lbs. The doctor was concerned with the lack of 'grabbable' fat. Pair this with his height and head circumference being slightly below what he had expected and you get a worried mommy. I asked the doctor about him wanting to feed (nurse) every 1-1.5 hours the other day and he said not to worry, it's probably a growth spurt. Then he pulls the little man out and does the check-up and suddenly I have to supplement formula in to try to fatten him up. Who knew something from me wouldn't be fat enough! We go back in 2 weeks to see his weight gain and hopefully get his shots (he can't get them if he doesn't gain the weight). I wish it ended there. Mommy worry turned to worry+alarm+small breakdown in car when the doctor found a heart murmur and said he was going to refer him to a pediatric cardiologist to be checked out. He says it's just to be sure that everything is okay, but in my mind if you pair that up with the lack of 'adequate' weight gain, then maybe there is something wrong with my baby. Is a murmur serious?
I talked to a friend of mine with a son who was born the same weight to see what he weighed at 6 weeks (is it bad to compare?) and to use her for her ability to calm me down. I also talked to my friend K so I could cry a little and just have her listen to my probably insane ramblings. She called her mom and found out that her brother had the same thing as a baby and he's fine and it never limited him.
I guess I just need to hear that it will be okay and that it's probably nothing and that I'm not failing my son as his mother...

Mason was one month back on the 14th. Already! He's now almost 6 weeks and keeping me verrrry busy!
After all the wonderful comments about my boobs and a lovely suggestion from G-man, I'm seriously considering a comparative shot of the girls! hahaha Like Hippychic said: Happy baby, Happy Hubby!

Here's the happy baby at one month:

I think he knows he's going to get a bath...and he's about to give me a big pout!

Chillin in his chair! I took the straps off to show off one of many outfits that the bestest Auntie Hippychic sent!!

Mason trying to "rock the hawk" like his favourite cousin Will!

You know your boobs are big when....

While I was (very) pregnant, I had to buy a new winter jacket to fit over my stomach. I ended up getting one that was a lovely shade of green...a little on the 'bright' side. I joked about looking like a tank, but Hella said it better. She said I looked like a giant snowpea. I affectionately refer to my coat as the snowpea now ("honey, can you grab the snowpea for me?"). Now that the belly is gone, I wanted to go back to my regular (and more stylish) winter coat. I put it on and went to zip it up and low and behold, it was rather snug around the 'girls'. Snug enough that I could hear my mother saying "just because you can get it on doesn't mean it fits!" (a lesson many more people should listen to). Sadly, I hung it back up and returned to the snowpea.
Lord love a duck I think they enter the room before I do!

So yeah..the whole point of this? My boobs are big and I still look like a giant snowpea.

I think I'd like Stacey and Clinton from TLC's What Not to Wear and Gok from How to Look Good Naked to do me over. Not in that way. Perverts.

I want to learn how to dress better for my 'shape' (round is a shape) especially as I try to get back into some kind of shape after having Mason.

So please feel free to nominate me. Perhaps I'll start dressing like complete trash to encourage those around me to get me help. I'm going to go dig up my ol' stirrup pants and some over-sized shirts (hmmm shoulder pads?) and some sexy loafers or something....

Help me out!

Mason has a lot of family and friends who live far away. Most are in B.C. I want to start a blog especially for Mason so people can check up and see how he's doing and see recent pictures. I want to keep it completely separate from this blog and A Pea in the Pod . I really don't want anyone stumbling across this blog in particular. Sooooo I need some creative ideas for a name for this blog.
Any ideas? You guys came through with naming Cleetus the fetus, so I have high expectations!

When all is said and done, I will leave a link there for anyone who feels so inclined to check it out.

I was watching some Barrett-Jackson car auction (I don't know if I even have the name right. All I know is I never have control of the remote and I've watched countless hours of car shows!) the other day and a car sold for 5 million dollars, setting a record. It blows my mind that these people have this much money to 'blow' on cars for personal collections. The guy who bought this car is a 'regular' and I've seen him before. He buys all the time and is really hard to out-bid. I turned to Mr. Sass and wondered aloud if that guy would pay me 5 million dollars for my Neon. The response? "He has a car collection, not a wrecking yard."
Gee thanks. I nearly died. Good thing I did all those Kegal exercises or I would have peed my pants a little. Mr. One-liner these days. That one goes right up there with his loving comment about me in labour. Apparently I should be thankful (as he is) that I wasn't one of those really nasty, sweaty women after hours of labour. I think he should be thankful he's not the one giving birth damn it, especially if he values those pearly whites of his.
Anyhoo...sleep calls me name.
Cheers!

Happy New Year!!

It's been tradition since Mr. Sass and I have been together (almost 15 years!) that something always goes wrong with our New Years Plans, or they just suck altogether. Last year with Hella and Exile was pretty good, but this year was by far the best. For an over-rated holiday, I was beyond content staying at home in my jammies. At the stroke of mid-night (and yes, Hella I WAS awake!) I had my son in my arms and my husband by my side. Nothing beats having that little angel asleep on my chest! The perfect way to ring in the new year (okay a glass of wine would have been nice too)!

I'm starting the year by being grateful for all the wonderful blessings I have. I have incredible family and friends, a wonderful husband and the most beautiful son. Last year at this time I never would have thought I'd be a mom. Dreams do come true!

I told you I got the best Christmas present ever!

Mason's Christmas outfit. The tuque was waaaaaaay to big!

I couldn't resist....

I hope everyone has a very happy new year! I hope that 2008 brings you all that you wish for and more.

Muah!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! I know ours was extra special this year. I still have to take some pictures off our camera, but it seems that we are being inundated with visitors and having to go visit family. I don't mind at all, but I'm tired now! I can't even blame little Mason for this fatigue!

We're looking forward to a visit from Auntie Hella and Exile tomorrow! I wonder if Exile will bite the bullet and hold Mason?

In other news, Mason's "bebo" fell off yesterday. I was asked if I was going to keep it. That is nasty. No way jose! I can't believe 2 weeks has already passed...*sigh*

Typing with one hand takes a lot longer....

Wow..time really is flying by! I can't believe it's already the 23rd! Little Mason keeps us busy. That said, he's such a good boy. He hardly makes a peep. He wakes to eat then goes right back to sleep. I hope it continues this way! He's such a good snuggler. He gets right in there, sighs, and is down for the count. Like crazy new parents, we've been taking lots of pictures too.

We've had our worry this past week too. I knew something wasn't right, and at a Dr's appointment we had, the doctor confirmed that I needed to supplement with some formula because Mason was getting dehydrated. My milk hadn't come in yet and I was wondering how long this little one could go on colostrum. In any event, he's much better and I only had to supplement for about a day and a half. Really...who are we kidding? Once my milk came in, we were all set! Just look at the size of my guns...hehe

Here's a couple pics..just cuz I know Mackey is stalking. It makes us feel special :)

2 days old...this is the only thing that remotely fits! He's swimming in everything! We went out and bought preemie diapers and a couple sleepers! I know he'll grow fast though!

Snuggling with daddy...and yes we do actually put clothes on him!

After a bath :)

More soon!!

I'm a Mommy!

...and Hella owes Mackey some Timmies!

It's a boy!!

Mason Glen Martin
December 14th at 4:02 pm
6lbs, 14 oz

19 inches

I'm alive and well and appreciated all the well wishes and thoughts being sent our way. I'll post again soon and probably overdue it with pictures too.
Love you all!

Man...I'm so in love with this little guy!!

Hey Mackey - Hella wants to bet you $10 in Timmies gift certificates that I'm having a girl. You game?!?!

Tomorrow's the day I guess...wowzers! I can't wait to share the news!!

So much to do, so little time.....

The good, the bad and the ugly...

Yeah..I'm not really sure what fits in where with that title, but I really don't give a rat's ass at this point.

I finally put some pictures up from one of the baby showers I had a couple weeks ago. I don't have any from the other ones though :( I'm hoping some of my loving friends will email me some soon!

I had a fall on Friday, but everything is okay. I went to be checked out to be sure. It's just a very sore tail bone and wrist now. As long as the little one is okay I don't care about anything else.

We've managed to finish 95% of our Christmas shopping, now if only I could get Mr. Sass to bring up the tree! Argh!

Here's a 9 and a half month picture of me, since some of you are quite relentless at asking for pictures! Sorry, Os, I have my clothes on (trust me, it's better that way!). We finally got a new camera yesterday too! Woo hoo! I can take pictures again!

I purposely didn't crop the 'undesirable' parts out, and I left Mr. Cooper in. He's always at my side anyway. Main points: I'm big and I've 'dropped'..and oh yeah...that's what my feet look like!

I'm still here and I'm still pregnant.

We've got quite a bit of snow lately and I'm secretly (maybe not so secretly) glad I can't be out there shoveling it. I did feel bad watching Mr. Sass spend over an hour digging us out, but what could I do except have a hot tea and a snack waiting for him when he came back in? After one big snow fall we were on our way out and noticed a few neighbours out. What struck us was that at several different houses along the street you could see abandoned snow blowers in the middle of clear driveways while several neighbours congregated at one house having a few beers in the garage. This was the case at several houses!

It's times like these that I'm proud to be Canadian!


*Maybe if Mr. Sass is good then Santa will bring him a snowblower and he too can join this club of drunken blowers.

Am I just Paranoid?

First things first: Yesterday was Hella's bit 3-0!!! Go wish her a good one!

The other day I got a strange call. It was some guy, sounded fairly young. He started out by saying he wasn't going to try to sell me anything. Good because I don't need anything. He slurred some name of an alarm company and then proceeded to ask if I, or anyone, would be home the next day after lunch for someone to come by and show us this alarm system and how it worked. He could even just drop some information off. No pressure.

Red Flag.

He wants to know if someone will be home on a weekday afternoon and if we are interested in an alarm system. If I say no, no one will be home and we don't need an alarm, then he has some dangerous information. How do I know he isn't some creep canvasing the area to see what houses to break into?! Tis the time of year for people to do some desperate things right? I quickly cut him off and said we weren't interested because we already have an alarm system. He wanted to know if it was actually in use and if the house was constantly monitored. I told him yes, absolutely, and we also have a 150 pound dog who would rip the face off anyone trying to come in the house, so between the 2 measures, I thought the house was pretty darn safe and secure. He just hung up.

It could have been legit, but I'm not taking chances. The whole tone of the call was too shady. So I may have mentioned it to the police, just for interest sake, when I called to book an appointment to have my car seat checked. You just never know.

Side note: a small apology to my dog Cooper. I gave him an extra 50 pounds, but I wasn't joking about his mean side....just ask the refrigerator repair man...

I got a lovely Christmas card today in the mail. It was our first one. Too bad it's from someone who don't even know. They have a nice looking family...but fucked if I know who they are!

An update...

I see it's been awhile! Things kind of got a little hairy around here for awhile (and no this won't be yet another reference to some hairy crotch in a birthing video). Here's what's been going on (Cliff Notes version):

*I'm all showered out! My co-workers gave me a great (baby) shower on Wednesday. I thought I better specify it was a baby shower before anyone thought we had a massive bubble bath or something together. We got lots of really great stuff. Then on Sunday, my close friends gave me a shower! This time I was surprised! I got spoiled...and so did the baby!

*However, after some issues with my blood pressure, I ended up in the hospital on Sunday night. They did some tests (baby is fine!) and then when my pressure came down to a more normal level, they let me come home since I was going to see my doctor the next day. When I saw her she put me off work for a minimum of 48 hours to see if I could keep it down. I had to go for more tests yesterday and they all looked good. She said I could try work today. I did. Sadly, by 10:30 my bp was way up again and I felt like shit. It's not worth it. I'm done work now. 2 weeks earlier then anticipated, but I have to take care of myself and the wee one. I'll be back to visit the kidlets, since they really have no idea that I'm gone for good now. I have some serious guilt about that.

*Our digital camera has crapped out. What a time! We can still take some pictures when it wants to be nice...but we need a new one: Fast! So if any secret Santa wants to hook us up that would be great....

I think that's the gist of it now. Now that I have some more 'down' time I'll be hanging around again.

Seether! Seether! Seether!

So Hella texts me today at work. I send the kids out for recess and then nearly go into labour. Seether is coming to Toronto for 2 shows in January!!!!!
Ummmmmm hello?!?! I said SEETHER!! One of my favourite bands!!!!!

I wonder if I'll be able to make it. Wonder if I'll feel like it....I wonder...

Shit. I was hoping for a spring/summer concert!!

I wonder what is more depressing. Waking up for work and it still being dark out, or now with the time change, heading home and it being dark out.

Hmmmmm

Cooper is 5!

My little puppy is 5 now!

I'd say he's one whole paw...but dogs don't have thumbs. I made him a pancake for breakfast and then he got a new "baby" for a gift. This one is a "jumbo baby" though. It's the size of a (fuzzy) basketball with a head and some legs. I think it's a pig. It's so big he can't actually squeeze it to make it honk. He has to put it into his mouth and then bash it against the floor.

Good times.
I think I'm one of those silly and somewhat pathetic pet owners. Cut me some slack, I didn't make him a real cake or anything.
There was no time.

Decisions, Decisions!

I have a decision to make.

I wanted to get a 3D ultrasound done. Just for fun. The only problem is, I am further along (35 weeks tomorrow) then they usually do for this type of thing. The problem is that if the baby has dropped (I really have no clue at this point) then getting a picture will be hard/impossible. Secondly, the baby is big now and may be too squished to get a clear picture. However, they have done great pictures with women as far along as me, but there is no guarantee. I have a tentative appointment for next week. The sitting fee is $100.00 no matter what. Which means even if they can't get a nice picture, I'm out $100. I don't know what to do. I'm not made of money (sadly enough).

Try and hope for the best?
Leave it?

What would you do if you were me?

I was at my doctor's appointment last week and there was this lady there with her husband. First, I have to say that once you do the whole pee on a stick and show the receptionist thing, they weigh you. Except the scale is right there in the middle of the room and although she tries to be quiet, she announces your weight and how much you've gained. I admit I listen in to other people's weight and have even looked at the scale while I'm in line to be weighed, so it's not unreasonable to assume that people do the same for me (*gulp*). However, this time, this lady being weighed was practically skin and bones. She was very petite indeed. She had a nice little bump going that maybe suggest about 5 months (but who knows since she's so tiny). Anyway, she gets on the scale, and do you know how much she weighs?!?! 86 pounds.
86 fucking pounds.

I actually dropped the magazine I was reading and looked over. I resisted the urge to dig through my bag to find any morsel of food, or to start a collection around the room to get this poor girl a sandwich! 86 pounds. Wow.

It would be really not nice of me to say she needs to be shot, especially since she's carry a baby, but the thought did cross my mind.

86 pounds.


**new ultrasound pics over at A Pea in the Pod!**

Happy Halloween HNT

I've been itching to paint my belly so I took this festive time of year to do so! I busted out the paints (which I don't think have been used since I painted my boobs like Easter eggs!). The roundness of my belly served as a perfect canvas for a big round pumpkin:


Then we "carved" the pumpkin:

Happy Halloween and Happy HNT!!

I'm here...

I'm just dealing with some things. Everything is okay, and I'll be back soon.
With pictures.

I'm going to paint my belly like a pumpkin :) Why not? It's as big as one!

Happy "official" Birthday to Mr. Sass!!!

Pics to come...

Also, had an ultrasound today...those pics too!

The Big 3-0 was a success!

No not me.
I still have about a year and half ;)

Mr. Sass is turning 30 this week, so I decided to throw him a surprise-ish birthday party. By surprise-ish, I mean I had no way of getting him out of the house, so, knowing he'd sleep until at least 1:00 I figured I could get the place ready and he's just have to find out when he woke up. Turns out, he had no idea and was surprised :)
Hella came down Friday night and was a God-send! Thank you Hella!!!!
Lots of people came, but I was a little miffed that more of "his" friends decided to chimp out and not come. It seems sitting around at coffee shops in tow-trucks is far more fun! Bleh! Either way, the important people were there and we had a great time.
I HAVE to post a picture of the cake my friend J made...I wonder if it'd get a buck from G-man?

Until then, I'm completely wiped. I actually slept in until 9 and then after Hella left at noon, I went back to bed until almost 3! Besides taking the dog out for a nice long walk, some laundry and a bit of a kitchen clean up (I'm lucky that I have such nice friends who helped me clean before they left!), I've been parked on the couch. L-A-Z-Y! I love it. Now, I'm heading back to the couch...
Cheers!

Cream Boogers, Moobies and Boobies!!

You know when you go to use hand cream and the bottle has a pump? You pump it down and a big ol' crusty cream booger comes out with a big gob of hand cream? Then you are left to fish it out and wipe it into the garbage can.

THAT IRKS ME!!!

It reminds me of snot and then I gag. If they can make mustard without crust, why, oh why, can't they figure something out for cream boogers?

*******
Mackey and G-man are raising bucks for boobs over at their blogs!

If you send them a picture of your boobs they will donate $1.00 to Breast Cancer Research! All Moobs (man boobs!) go to Mackey and all Boobs to G-man!!

There is information on Mackey's blog about their quest for chest HERE

Help support Breast Cancer Research...and look at a few of your favourite sets of ta-tas in the mean time!

Mackey - I'll get a shot of Mr. Sass' moobs for you as soon as he gets home!

Pricks and Cuts Haiku

Much cooler Friday,
A short week that dragged on long,
Ready for weekend.

Epi-pen drama,
No peanut products means NO!
Thank God he's okay.

Pre-natal class 2,
episiotomy talk,
Ummm thanks, but no thanks.

Side note: Don't type in the word episiotomy into Google to check your spelling and then accidently hit "Images"... just saying.

Today was just one of those days....I'd like to just crawl under a rock and hide.
The weather sucked.
The kids were wild. and rude. All I did today was discipline. I hate that!
I'm sore.
I'm tired.
I'm hungry but too lazy to make anything.

But at least I have my health right?
Even better is that the new Seether album comes out in 12 days!

That did it! Puts a smile on my face every time!

Pubic Hair post 2?!

How does one really come up with anything of importance to say/write, especially after the topic of "70's porn bush?"

I took a quick break to read a few blogs and was inspired by Hippychic. The topic of public bathrooms got me going. I've ranted about this before (go here), but it deserves a second look since there seems to be an insurgence of it again. I swear people are out to make be crazy.

I can't stand going into bathrooms and seeing pubic hair on a seat. Lately, every time I go in the bathroom their is a hair looking up at me. Not just any hair either. It would be a farce to say it's short and curly. Short, it ain't. I seem to seek out toilets with 2 inch long pubic hairs lurking. It makes me wonder about my co-workers and their grooming habits, and it's upset my perception of my in-laws. There was quite the doozy on one of their toilets. Now I have an nasty mental image and no amount of turning it into a cartoon will help. I don't care how old you are, you CAN and SHOULD trim right? I just wonder if it's only me who notices these hairs?
Why can't people take a look and make sure they didn't leave anything behind? I always look to make sure everything is kosher (ie: that everything went down..you'd never find a 2 incher on the toilet after me!). Maybe it's proper bathroom etiquette? Either that or I truly am nuts.

Maybe if I can track these people down, I can either convince them to trim up, or suggest a role in the next birth video?

I'll tell you what's offensive!

We had our first pre-natal class on Thursday.
We had to watch "the" video. I've actually seen it more times then I care to count, but it was funny watching some of the reactions of those who hadn't seen it before (especially the dads!). After the video the instructor (for some reason???) asked if anyone found it offensive.

I'll tell you what was offensive: The amount of pubic hair on that woman giving birth!

I may not be able to see my cookie right now, but I own a mirror and a razor dammit. If all else fails, I'll be at the spa requesting a Brazilian. Someone else can deal with it. I'm not going to have anything resembling a small woodland creature resting on my crotch.

Turkey day Haiku

Thanksgiving weekend
for us in the "great white north"

with temps of 30 (C!)


Leafs start their season
Argh! 2 games and 2 losses
Fucking Senators!


Forget the losses
and pass me some pumpkin pie
Happy Thanksgiving!

I was all set to make good on my promise yesterday and give myself some mad props for blogging 2 days in a row (is it possible to give props to yourself?...would you really want to?), but I blame the 2 biggest ditch-pigs for my lack of blogging yesterday. You see, I had no modem. I got this notice saying the one I have is out-dated and needs to be upgraded. All I needed to do was bring it into one of their stores and swap up. Perfect. I could do that on my way to my appointment! My appointment was at 10:45 and I got to the store around 10:00. 5 people in front of me. I waited.
and waited.
and waited some more.
Finally I was next in line. The stupid ditch pig couple (and their child who was running around wild in the store leaving a streak of 3 year old destruction, and who coincidentally needed to be changed...frig, how about potty trained?!) wanted cable and internet to their new place. Then an argument ensued over when the technician would come out. The problem? The time given was an 8-11am window on Sunday. They both marveled at how drunk they were going to get Saturday night and if they'd be sober enough to let the guy in. Even better was the conversation on how he was going to be getting drunk without his wife, because him and his buddies were going to the casino. However, Mr. "I'll save the day" thought he could just party all night and drive back really early to let the guy in before he crashed. Idiot.
I'm not even going to get into the rest of the damn conversation that I was subjected to. The point is that at 10:40, me stillllll being NEXT in line, I had to leave or I'd be late for my appointment.
I hope to high hell they arranged something before the second coming of Christ. The old man behind me was teetering as I left. I was worried he was going to topple over into the display of Maynard Candies. Hell, with any luck the stupid couple might actually wash up and brush their teeth by the time the technician comes and save him the same grief I was privy to.
Anyway, Mr. Sass went today for me, and here I am. Ho hum pigs bum.

A Promise:

I got the most fabbity fab news today! Check it out over at "A Pea in the Pod".

Other then that, I'm making a solid vow. Right here, right now:

I, Ms. Sassy Knickers, do solemnly swear to get off my lazy, pregnant ass and blog more. This includes (but not limited to), spending less time on Facebook, avoiding that 20 minute cat nap after work, leaving the marking/planning for a few minutes to do something for "me," and living my life so that I actually have something interesting to say or share (okay, no promises there, but I'll try). I've neglected said Blog for way too long. I miss my bloggy friends and do actually have a few things I do want to write about. I also swear that I will do at least 2 more HNT shots (even if you are subjected to more belly/boob shots) before I foal. Lastly, I shall not neglect Haiku Friday to the extent I have in the last month or two.

Signed,
Sassy

P.S. Did anyone know that cats have been known to seduce dogs, and that sharks can't swim backwards? Also, if you want to see me go into an absolute hysterical laughing fit, complete with coughing fit and tears, refer to a penis as a wiener. It must be the hormones....

With the Canadian dollar being so high, Mr. Sass and I went to the states to do a little shopping. We got some great deals! He got a couple new things to wear. Little baby got lots too! It's not so bad when the GAP is having a 50% off sale! I think we bought one of everything that was neutral. Fun times!

Although something occurred to me. The first time Exile was out here, he took home a loonie and a toonie. At the time, he thought he was taking a 'cut' since our dollar was lower. Who knew that with a bit of time, he'd be making money?! And you laugh at our rainbow, animal money. Ha!

Clearly this is important...

Damn the people who make those Mini Wheat Commercials. The jingles are catchy and get stuck in my head...

Mix that with the Christmas carol "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and "Cotton-Eye Joe" that I've been singing ALL day, and I'm about ready to be committed.

Apparently I've been a little neglectful!
It seems things have been keeping me rather busy lately. Every night there is something I have to do or somewhere I have to be! When I finally get to sit down, I crash right out. The good thing is, I've been sleeping really well. Sleeping like the dead some nights!
Sadly, not much is going on:

* We had our "Meet the Creature" night at school this week. Nothing like being at work from 8 am until after 9pm and on my feet. There has been such a nice night breeze every night, but go figure that there would be nothing that night. God, was it ever hot. Attractive. My feet swelled up nicely too. The joys.

* I'm heading off to do a little cross border shopping today while our dollar is doing so well. Hopefully we can score some good deals and smuggle it back across the border without having to pay anything!

* I'm going to the doctor's appointments now every 2 weeks. It's really set in now that this is going to happen soon. Third trimester now. Wow.

* Starting our prenatal classes at the beginning of October too.

See..told you. Nothing too earth shattering. Hope life is more exciting for you =P

A student asked me yesterday, "When are you going to lay your baby?"
Like I'm some sort of chicken.
I laughed until the tears ran down my cheek (I call this a "Hella" laugh. She has the best laugh!)

Now I'm questioning the whole educational system.

A little perspective

Mr. Sass has an issue with putting the couch in front of the window in our family room. It would look way better there (it's a pretty big window), but it's something we 'argue' about all the time. I had some friends and their husbands over on Saturday for dinner and it wasn't too long before the guys decided they needed to go look at cars at a local dealerships. As soon as they were gone, like the good girlfriends they are, they helped me switch the room around (okay - so I kinda just stood there and they did all the moving of furniture). When Mr. Sass came home, he was a little shocked and threatened to move everything back as soon as people left, knowing I can't do it (right now) by myself. There were playful jabs at each other during dinner and he pretended (mind you, there was a little truth in there) to be pissed. The girls didn't want me in trouble (no worries - I wouldn't be for those who don't know the sense of humour around here!) and one of them had stated to Mr. Sass

K - Please don't be mad. You can't beat her anyway, she's pregnant.
Mr. Sass - That just means I can't hit her in the stomach.

Lovely eh? I feel so loved.

**Belly pics over at the other blog "A Pea in the Pod"...just because you asked :)

I can't believe it's been 19 years.
It feels like it was only yesterday. I miss you terribly. I miss hearing you call me "Dolly" and taking me out early with you Saturday mornings. That was our time. We would listen to Cyndi Lauper and Twisted Sister in the truck. You told me silly stories and jokes and listened to every word I said. I knew I was special to you. You always made me feel special and loved. It doesn't really get easier with time does it? When I let my mind wander to those memories I get such a terrible ache in my heart. I wish you were still here with us. I wish you were there see me graduate, to walk me down the aisle, and I wish you would be able to be here to see the birth of your grandchild. I wish I could have those Saturdays back.
I guess I'll settle for those sweet memories, the time we did have, and knowing I have a special guardian angel to watch over me...

Haiku Friday: Work and body parts....

Survived the first week,
but four days felt like seven,
in this hot weather.

Hot weather and work
combined have given me some
pretty swollen feet.

New fascination!
Watching my belly jump, move
Cool but freaky too.

The first 2 days have been good. I'm feeling dead tired though, as my body adjusts to being back in working mode. You'd think I'd crash out at night...but alas last night had other plans.

We were at his parents house for a going away dinner, and I admittedly ate too many rich foods (home cooked Mennonite meal...mmmmm). I was up once to go the bathroom and was feeling a little heartburn (or what I think is heartburn...I've never had it before). I took some Tums and went back to bed. Just as I drift off again I feel Mr. Sass jump out of bed and run to the bathroom. I must have fallen asleep because apparently he was in there awhile before I was awaken by the turning on of all the lights. Seems he was awoken to a severe bloody nose. It bled all down his face, arms, chest, the sheets...and then while he ran to the bathroom, left a drip trail on the floor! So a cleaning we go..at 2:30 in the morning. He's feeling woozy from the blood loss so he goes down to get a snack and I ask for water. By this time, I'm feeling this 'heartburn' in a major way and am propping myself up on no less than 6 pillows. We lay awake laughing at the state of the two of us. We feel like such losers. We both drift off as a major thunderstorm hits and we once again have to get up to close windows. The dog decided NOW that he doesn't like thunder (it was rather loud) and needs to be close to us. I think I finally go to sleep just before my alarm went off.
Yet, I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning.
I better get some sleep tonight though...

Well, I guess I'm ready. I'm dealing with the 'end' of summer and getting back to work. The classroom is ready, my bag is ready...I'm just waiting for my mental state to catch up. I'm excited of course, but it's hard to let summer vacation go. I'm eager to start fresh with a new group of kids and try my hand at this split grade level teaching this year (2/3). My biggest worry right now is that I have minimal clothes appropriate for work that actually fit. I need to get my butt to a maternity store and find some suitable dress clothes, because I'm guessing that jean capris and flip-flops just won't cut it.
I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend! I have some friends coming over for a bbq and to check our our newly done (and slightly renovated) family room. To anyone with kids or who is going back to school themselves: Good Luck. A special shout out to Hella's son who's entering SK!! He totally rocked JK, and I'm sure he'll tear up SK real good too. What an awesome kid. No luck needed there, but big hugs and kisses to him!

Waiting for baby spiders

I'm alive.
I've been in to work most days this week trying to out some order to the room and get prepared for Tuesday. I can't believe the summer vacation is over. It just seems to by so quickly! I'm excited for the new year though. It's always nice to start fresh.

The week has been an emotional one though. My friend's father passed away. It's always hard to watch a friend go through such a sad loss and really know just how hard it is. There isn't enough hugs in the world.

Then there is my older brother. He was over at my younger brother's place on Saturday and spent the night. At some point in the night he got bit by something. He's not sure what. On Sunday he thought it was a pimple on his leg and scratched it. To make a long story short, by Monday at lunch he was at work and in a lot of pain. His calf had swelled up almost 3 times it's size and was bright red. Obviously infected. His leg was numb and he was having a hard time walking. He went to the emergency department and he was admitted right away. He spent 2 nights there and then he was sent home with the IV still in his arm and his leg only looking slightly better. He had to return on Wednesday afternoon (a few hours after going home) to get more IV meds and now a nurse comes to the house twice a day to deal with him and he's hooked up to some pump of some sort. Jesus H. Christ. They think it may be blood poisoning, but I don't really know for sure. It's all been crazy!

Mind you, as a good sister, I offered my diagnosis while my brother was held up in the hospital bed. I figure some nasty spider bit him and then crawled into his leg to lay eggs and that's why it's so swollen. Soon, he will wake up in the middle of the night to some kind of ticking/hissing sound and his calf will burst open and 2 million little spiders will crawl out.

So now I'm waiting for some spiders so I can finally say "I told you so!"

Deep Thought...

Are people who live in China, told that if they dig long and deep enough, they'll eventually get to Canada?

There is this commercial for Nature Valley's (Cranberry) Almond granola Bars. Two female deer (doe?) are watching a hiker eat a granola bar and marveling at how yummy it looks. It's a cute commercial until the announcer comes over and declares that the granola bar is covered in "creamy nut butter."

Am I just a pervert or does this sound a little off? I know people are looking for a little extra protein in their diets, but not everyone wishes to swallow that...although the addition of nuts and cranberries may make it more appealing to some. Either way, I'm looking to see if I can get a tour of their factory. I want to see just how they pull this off...

This is a juicy one!

A new radio station to consider?

The call letters KUNT have been mistakenly given for a Florida based radio station. Apparently, these letters were issued after another blunder: KCUF-FM in Aspen Colorado (read it backwards).
Someone is clearly not paying attention, or they have a great sense of humour. I just wonder who finally figured out something was fishy? If the more conservative listeners 'tune in' to the crass meaning of the letters KUNT, things could get hairy!

Random tidbits...

Nothing like a good charlie horse to wake you up at 6 am, after spending several hours trying to actually get to sleep. I finally gave up and decided to start on some tasks around the house. The baby's room has it's first coat of paint now!

I went to the horse show yesterday to help out and watch all the girls from the barn compete. They cleaned up!! Most of the top ribbons went to the girls! There was one accident though. A young girl from another barn was having some difficulty with her horse. He reared up and she came crashing down. The horse lost his footing and crashed down on top of her legs. She was knocked out cold. By the time the ambulance arrived she was conscience and was moving her arms and legs. They strapped her down to be safe and took her away. Her parents weren't at the show and they were desperately trying to track them down. Keep her in your prayers please!

We also celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday this weekend. It's always nice to spend some time with them. I am lucky to have such great in-laws when I think about all the crap and arguments that other people deal with!

Sadly, this is the last 'real' week of summer vacation, as next week I must go in and begin to set up my classroom for this year! I seem to be packing a lot of stuff into this last week though!

On that note...time to see if I can put a second coat on the walls. Or take a nap.
The nap might win.

I've been blog lazy these days. Maybe I've been too busy baking and cleaning things. I've been determined to clean out every nook and cranny and purge stuff we no longer need or use. I can't be bothered to have a garage sale, so I just opt to send most of it to a women's shelter (the nicer stuff!) or the Salvation Army. I even managed to part with no less then a dozen pairs of shoes. I'll be around again soon...

I'm a Master Baker!

I went and bought farm fresh peaches, and blueberries and then grabbed some strawberries and apples.
When I got home this afternoon I decided to bake. I made a peach crumble, a strawberry-blueberry pie and apple pumpkin bread. I hardly ever bake (mostly at Christmas for other people!) but I went to town today! Funny thing is, I don't really want to eat any of it. It smells really good, but the thought of eating it doesn't appeal to me. Mind you eating the rest of the berries does! So if you're in the area, this pie ain't going to eat itself!

I wonder if this is what Johnny Cash was talking about?

Met a friend for lunch,
Waste of lunch and money,
Both of us got sick.

That night she's better,
Toilet and I? Still close friends,
And this was Tuesday!

I'll spare you details,
I should be on the mend soon,
Staying hydrated...

Check out the Haiku Buckaroo Contest over at My Mommy's Place! There's still time to enter!

The Toes of Hoes...Part ?? HNT

More Toes!
It's been almost a year since I posted some toe pictures. This time the toes are of me and my friends at my friend J's wedding back on July 28th.
Bonus marks if you can pick my toes out (Hint: I took the picture).

Happy HNT!

In yo face sucka!

I took a very big step.
Almost everyone knows of my insane fear of bees. I'm sure the screaming and running away gives it away if you don't know.
The other night I was home alone and cooking dinner. At some point between running out to the BBQ and back into the house a wasp got in and had perched it's icky little self on the kitchen window. I was freaking. Mr. Sass wasn't around to kill it. No friends to rescue me. Shit.
I had to put my big girl knickers on and kill it myself.
And kill it I did.
After it was clearly dead I had to keep hitting it to make sure. For the record, I screamed the whole time I was killing the poor bastard. The neighbours probably wondered what the hell I was doing...
I just couldn't scrape up it's remains so I left it on the window sill until Mr. Sass got home. He swept it up, but not before I took a picture.
Shut up. People take pictures of their catches and kills all the time. So what if it's only a bee to you. This is victory for me!

Sassy: 1, Wasp: 0

What's in a (middle) name?

Mackey tagged me with the Middle Name Meme!

Here are the rules:

1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged,

and to read your blog.

My middle name is Marie.

M - Mommy. I can't wait to become a mommy! It's something I've wanted for so long. I can't imagine a better 'job'.

A - Anal. I can be quite anal about certain things (like how I want a certain thing done), but I bite my tongue because I hate confrontation. I'd be more likely to leave something until later and then 'do it right.' I know that's bad. Also, as much as Exile may insist, I'm not into anal sex.

R - Reliable.

I - Imaginary Animal. As a kid I had an imaginary Unicorn that lived in my room. We'd go on adventures at night when I was suppose to be sleeping...yes I had friends. Cut a 6 year old some slack eh!

E - Educated. Not just book smarts. Mama didn't raise no fool.

My nails are screwed Haiku!!

Caribana time!
Checkin' it out in TO,
Have me some Roti.

Nails done 1 week ago,
French manicure for wedding,
Can't get it off though!

Wonder what they used?
Thirty minutes, two nails clear.
Any suggestions?!?!

Half Way There HNT

A continuation of sorts of my post from the other day.
I saved this picture for HNT though.
Here's the wee baby bump at almost 21 weeks.
Time is flying by!

The 'side' view :)

The 'front view'. Geesh, give me a couple more weeks and my belly will look even more like the the stuffing in an Oreo? A Golden Oreo.

Enough of the Tranny..now some cottage pics!

It was so nice to get away to the cottage for an extended weekend. My mom, my aunt and two brothers were up there. I think some might cringe if they had to spend that much time with their family, by family is really cool. Relaxed. Fun to be with. Heck, spend 10 minutes with my mom and my aunt (my second mom!) and you'll see where I get my sense of humour from!
We did a lot of swimming, boating, and tonnes of relaxing! I think I should add tonnes of eating in there too, but for the most part it was at least sensible eating! I don't want this kid high on junk and sugar before he/she is even born!
I even made a new friend at the cottage. And no, it wasn't Stan and his 7 inch penis. His name is Wellington and he's a red tailed squirrel. The chipmunks would eat right out of your hands and let you touch them. They even climbed up our legs to grab peanuts. They were PIGS!! That's why I liked Wellington. He'd scamper in, take 1 peanut and then come back a few times and then call it quits. The chipmunks however came back as long as you had some nuts handy. I'm convinced they had some under ground lair made completely of nuts!

Wellington

One of the piggy chipmunks...helping himself (we can only assume it's a male...)

Enjoying the view from the dock/deck.

Cooper relaxing. I'm surprised he's out of the water!!


Me: goofy look, but some of you asked for a 'belly' shot. This is as good as it gets: for now!


The elusive Mr. Sass (as Mackey puts it!). Enjoying some time where he's not having to throw the stick for Cooper or go swimming with me!